Why I Should Never Be Bored

And the question of the day is this: who the fuck sent out the god damn memo that said I was here for everyone elses amusement? I would like to see this hand written declaration giving Tom, Dick and Betty Joe the motherfucking assumption that I pop out of bed every morning to somehow make their shit just fabulous.

Would you like me to do a jig for you? Why yes, Massa, I would find no greater joy then entertaining you aimlessly for no apparent reason other than you have nothing else to do. How bout I pick some motherfucking cotton and stuff you a pillow? Maybe I can prepare you a meal too? How bout I just breathe for you? Would that help you? Because that is ALL I am here for.

Conversations that start and end with "hello," do absolutely nothing for me. If you think it should, walk up to someone youve never spoken to, tap them on the shoulder, say hello and stand there. Watch what the fuck happens to you. Or at least observe the "bitch get the fuck away from me face," that inevitably will appear.

The following is a reenactment of some actual events, with help from a wonderful friend (who shall remain nameless, though you could figure it out by looking for the person who is pissing her pants in laughter. The piss always gives it away.)

Must Be Bored: Heyy Kitty Bish
Me: hey Must Be Bored
Me: whats up homie G funk?
Must Be Bored: Nothing kind of bored and you ?
Me: stressing out, trying to figure out whats wrong with my dildo collection
Must Be Bored: what happened to it ?
Me: Im missing two pieces and I already checked my asshole...twice
Me: Waiting on the ultrasound
Must Be Bored: =/
Must Be Bored: hmm
Must Be Bored: wanna tp me ?
Me: Why sure, that would be fabulously helpful to my lost dick problem.

Must Be Bored: lol nice pose
Me: I call it the probing anteater
Must Be Bored: lol
Me: we can go downstairs *wink wink*
Me: see inside ya bottom
Me: okay welcome to the island
Must Be Bored: thanks :)
Me: so what you been up to?
Must Be Bored: not much really.
Must Be Bored: and you ?
Me: killing baby seals and some human trafficking, you know how it is
Must Be Bored: trying to change my look i kidn of like this one.
Me: Sounds good, you hungry, Im cooking burritos
Must Be Bored: i just came on to check whats gonig on i'm really bored to.
Must Be Bored: I might just go take a nap or goo read a book
Me: I personally like to read the articles in Hustler...now thats journalism
Must Be Bored: yea
Me: Candy likes apples, long walks on the beach and donkey punches
Me: that sounds like a plan for me too
Must Be Bored: I'm currently reading Playboy.
Me: what number?
Must Be Bored: *the bad beginning*
Must Be Bored: number one
Me: those bitches are too tame, they need some Planet of The Apes costumes or something
Me: Oooo, I found my McDonalds toy!
Must Be Bored: Hehe i have all of them.
Must Be Bored: never heard of that movie
Me: Oh it was shit but Id have fucked the third monkey in the second half of the movie...the one with the mustache.
Must Be Bored: ohhh
Me: Im all about hairy men, those nappy backs make me all sorts of hot
Must Be Bored: i seee
Me: especially when I can braid it...thats just heaven right there. I think I just came...
Must Be Bored: .
Must Be Bored: sounds interesting.
Me: it is
Must Be Bored: I hate faceplace. but i dont want to delete it..
Me: aww
Me: i cant do all those things, i can never keep track, not with all my masturbating dates.
Must Be Bored: lol i only do faceplace i have all the other thigns but dont use them..
Must Be Bored: but liek faceplace people are liek Gerr
Must Be Bored: i hate honesty box people say stupid stuff cuz they are cowereds and cant say it to your face.
Me: I find beating the fuck out of them usually helps...wait whats that?
Must Be Bored: its just like a applacation that you can right to anyone but they dont know who it is
Me: ohhh
Must Be Bored: its stupid
Must Be Bored: Ohh my gosh thats the cutest strap on!
Must Be Bored: <3
Me: lol
Me: I <3 my strapons, I like how its shaped like a yorkie. Walking the dog!!!
Must Be Bored: i wish i had a kitty or dog.. :(
Me: you should get one
Me: they have lots of toy shops
Must Be Bored: i wish. i have no money and i dont think myboyfriend will pay for it,...
Must Be Bored: i think hes broke.
Me: ahhh
Must Be Bored: yehh i had 10L but liek i spent it on soemthing stupid that i thoguht was cool
Me: Broke guys suck donkey cock and not very well either.
Must Be Bored: lol
Must Be Bored: i <# chocolate chip cookies :D
Must Be Bored: <3*
Me: Im a realist. Oatmeal is a safe glutton free alternative, what with all the infiltrating chemicals out there today.
Must Be Bored: yup :)
Me: Usually has bugs though, that natural shit is um...extra natural.
Must Be Bored: yeh :P
Me: wow this couch is bright, lol
Me: doesnt it remind you of jolly ranchers
Must Be Bored: lol it is.
Must Be Bored: YES
Must Be Bored: :P
Must Be Bored: thats what i was thinknig
Me: this is my cousin Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez
Must Be Bored: Hii Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez
Me: She likes pumpernickel and tossing salads with Ranch dressing.
Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez: Hello
Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez: rofl
Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez: pumpernickel is pnly good for bagels and dont shout me out, Im trying to convert to the meat.
Me: I personally think you have an issue Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez but we'll save the intervention for later
Must Be Bored: lol
Me: Okay so dish...what happened with the Goat?
Me: sorry Must Be Bored, Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez needs to vent, you understand
Must Be Bored: Yup :)
Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez: *sniff* He is such a douche
Me: yeah well he has a tiny head
Me: i dont even know why you fuck with him
Must Be Bored: okay well I'm gonig to lay down and read hae fun :)
Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez: I was milking him yesterday and he fucking bahhed at me and said another goats name...another fucking goat!
Me: tc Must Be Bored
Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez: bye Must Be Bored
Me: damn
Me: thats jacked the fuck up
Me: i say we kill him
Me: with tampons
[13:18] Must Be Bored is Offline
Me: in the face

Okay...ready...dont call me up to be boring or expect amusement because in turn I will find amusement. And my cousin Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez will come and talk about her mad goat fucking skills!

FTN! to random "hey amuse me" people...Im not a god damn clown you assnugget!