No ATM Needed

Heres a story for you...



There once a poor sad creepy man who liked to put out money to buy peoples time. For all his excuses, at the end of the day, offering sprees to anyone you rarely speak to is buying someone. The Kitty Bish didnt take the money mind you, despite peoples opinions, Im not a whore. Surprise surprise right? So the guy starts inviting the kitty to go to some formal dances, gets a little too caught up in memories of a dance had, oh I dont know, two years ago? He does the cheesy kiss on the cheek and the odd bowing randomly. The unfiltered flattery and the asking of personal information.



So the Kitty Bish decides, this is a little odd and should let it be known. When the hell do we bite our tongues here at FTN! Never, exactly. So, in a very polite way, again despite popular opinion, the Bish has manners, the feelings are voiced.



Mind you, advice was given by others to take the money and run. To engage in some pointless arm candy moment in order to take someones earned cash. Heres a rule of thumb, if you take money, very large sums of money or a roll of quarters (in case you are easy) in turn for sex, you's a hoe. If you take the same for dances, arm candy to events, talking, cuddling, standing, breathing next to someone who isnt a friend or spouse...guess what...yep! Yous a hoe.



So the guy says I got it all wrong. Its not like that and his first wife felt the same way, left him for being so generous with all of his islands which he lets people use and live on rent free because he is such a nice person blah blah blah. Yes, I get it. You are generous. But whats the difference between generosity and buying affection and company? Oh I know. You dont know me.



Sure, go to the salvation army and donate some stuff. Doesnt mean you are a needy pervert buying people. But if you expect those poor people to go out with you or accept uninvited kisses or comments (I.E. "where do you live, city state location?") then yes, you are a weirdo.



So the guy says he's sorry. Does the really sad sigh thing and poofs. Convo over? I think not. If it were that easy, there would be no FTN! to write. So a little bit of time passes. And the guy, low and behold, comes back and comments..."after thinking about it, I dont know what I did wrong. I hope we can still be friends." But see, I dont have it all wrong. You pick random chicks to buy who so happen to end up as your partner or "special lady." I got the picture crystal clear.



Convo continues with "swoon, please. Your words get harsh over a kiss on the cheek." FYI swoon is not harsh. FYI, what random guy kisses me anywhere without an invite? FYI maybe what I deem acceptable is not the same as you. FYI apologizing for said unwanted kiss then saying its nothing is stupid and half assed. A kiss on the cheek is nothing to most. For me, you dont touch me without an invite. My close friends, they know the limits. Someone I have talked to maybe 5 times in two years...you have no room to be in my bubble, ever. You dont like my rules, tough fucking tittie. Which moves me to my next moment of clarity.



So I say the word "fucking" with a beautiful response of "I dont use language like you do." So I say, I use english. Im told to use better english..."do you need to curse to make a point." So I say You going to cry because I cursed. He says "no, just makes me think less of you."



Heres where I slice my wrists because my world has ended. Im not sure what planet you are from. But in my world, I can say whatever the FUCK I want. Not one single person is going to stifle me. Not one single person is going to school me on what to say or how to say it. If I want to say FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK I will. Apparently, this makes me less of a person. Now I must redeem myself. I know! Ill take some sad pathetic lonely ass mans money and then pretend like I give a flying fuck when he talks about Yanni and Amish country. This will make me better. Oh wait, I know. Ill take this suckers money and act like Im soooooo happy to waste my time with this chump all the while laughing at him for being the assclown that he is. This makes me good. No, wait, I got it! I will be a sheep and do exactly what you want me to do because everyone else does it and would do it. Then all the world will love me and I will be defined as a good person who is thought highly of.



NEWSFLASH: I.dont.care.what.you.think.of.me. Not blood or water, friend or foe can make me feel shitty. I am sorry you are that lonely. Im sorry you need to buy people. Im sorry you are just a really sad person. Im sorry you have tantrums when you dont get your way. Id be happy to hook you up with some trifling hoes I know of. They would be happy to take your money and grin at you. Because THAT is the true definition of woman. What a gentleman you are. Join the self proclaimers dear, one of the many.



People who try to buy affection...FTN!