No ATM Needed

Heres a story for you...



There once a poor sad creepy man who liked to put out money to buy peoples time. For all his excuses, at the end of the day, offering sprees to anyone you rarely speak to is buying someone. The Kitty Bish didnt take the money mind you, despite peoples opinions, Im not a whore. Surprise surprise right? So the guy starts inviting the kitty to go to some formal dances, gets a little too caught up in memories of a dance had, oh I dont know, two years ago? He does the cheesy kiss on the cheek and the odd bowing randomly. The unfiltered flattery and the asking of personal information.



So the Kitty Bish decides, this is a little odd and should let it be known. When the hell do we bite our tongues here at FTN! Never, exactly. So, in a very polite way, again despite popular opinion, the Bish has manners, the feelings are voiced.



Mind you, advice was given by others to take the money and run. To engage in some pointless arm candy moment in order to take someones earned cash. Heres a rule of thumb, if you take money, very large sums of money or a roll of quarters (in case you are easy) in turn for sex, you's a hoe. If you take the same for dances, arm candy to events, talking, cuddling, standing, breathing next to someone who isnt a friend or spouse...guess what...yep! Yous a hoe.



So the guy says I got it all wrong. Its not like that and his first wife felt the same way, left him for being so generous with all of his islands which he lets people use and live on rent free because he is such a nice person blah blah blah. Yes, I get it. You are generous. But whats the difference between generosity and buying affection and company? Oh I know. You dont know me.



Sure, go to the salvation army and donate some stuff. Doesnt mean you are a needy pervert buying people. But if you expect those poor people to go out with you or accept uninvited kisses or comments (I.E. "where do you live, city state location?") then yes, you are a weirdo.



So the guy says he's sorry. Does the really sad sigh thing and poofs. Convo over? I think not. If it were that easy, there would be no FTN! to write. So a little bit of time passes. And the guy, low and behold, comes back and comments..."after thinking about it, I dont know what I did wrong. I hope we can still be friends." But see, I dont have it all wrong. You pick random chicks to buy who so happen to end up as your partner or "special lady." I got the picture crystal clear.



Convo continues with "swoon, please. Your words get harsh over a kiss on the cheek." FYI swoon is not harsh. FYI, what random guy kisses me anywhere without an invite? FYI maybe what I deem acceptable is not the same as you. FYI apologizing for said unwanted kiss then saying its nothing is stupid and half assed. A kiss on the cheek is nothing to most. For me, you dont touch me without an invite. My close friends, they know the limits. Someone I have talked to maybe 5 times in two years...you have no room to be in my bubble, ever. You dont like my rules, tough fucking tittie. Which moves me to my next moment of clarity.



So I say the word "fucking" with a beautiful response of "I dont use language like you do." So I say, I use english. Im told to use better english..."do you need to curse to make a point." So I say You going to cry because I cursed. He says "no, just makes me think less of you."



Heres where I slice my wrists because my world has ended. Im not sure what planet you are from. But in my world, I can say whatever the FUCK I want. Not one single person is going to stifle me. Not one single person is going to school me on what to say or how to say it. If I want to say FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK I will. Apparently, this makes me less of a person. Now I must redeem myself. I know! Ill take some sad pathetic lonely ass mans money and then pretend like I give a flying fuck when he talks about Yanni and Amish country. This will make me better. Oh wait, I know. Ill take this suckers money and act like Im soooooo happy to waste my time with this chump all the while laughing at him for being the assclown that he is. This makes me good. No, wait, I got it! I will be a sheep and do exactly what you want me to do because everyone else does it and would do it. Then all the world will love me and I will be defined as a good person who is thought highly of.



NEWSFLASH: I.dont.care.what.you.think.of.me. Not blood or water, friend or foe can make me feel shitty. I am sorry you are that lonely. Im sorry you need to buy people. Im sorry you are just a really sad person. Im sorry you have tantrums when you dont get your way. Id be happy to hook you up with some trifling hoes I know of. They would be happy to take your money and grin at you. Because THAT is the true definition of woman. What a gentleman you are. Join the self proclaimers dear, one of the many.



People who try to buy affection...FTN!

Blast That Shit!

"I see your dirty face hide behind your collar
What is done in vain
Truth is hard to swallow
So you pray to god
To justify the way you live
A lie, live a lie, live a lie
And you take your time
And you do your crime
Well you made your bed
Im in mine.

Now the sons disgrace
He, who knew his father
When he cursed his name
Turned and chased the dollar
But it broke his heart
So he stuck his middle finger
To the world
To the world
To the world
And you take your time
And you stand in line
Well youll get whats yours
I got mine.

...

I wish I could be
As cool as you
And I wish I could say
The things you do
But I cant and wont live a lie
Not this time."

Amen anyone?

Fucking Hysterical!

FTN to good music not being played more often. *Jams out*

Battlefield

Guys who offer women money without knowing them from Adam (yes I said Adam because Im a televangelist, didnt you know.) Newsflash, women who take money for anything, whether it be sex, company, etc etc are whores. I know quite a few who would be thrilled to hop on that train, I just dont happen to be one of them. Next time, Ill take your money like a chump and then tell you Im not interested in the saddest forms of flattery and kisses. (I'll hit this one up later.)

Anyone who cant handle my speech. Dear Jehovah, forgive me for saying fuck to that poor creepy man (yes, I said Jehovah because I go door to door to save poor souls with my pamphlets and bicycle, didnt you know?) Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. How about you are a hypokrite (yes its spelled correctly, look it up). I say what I want to say, just how I want to say it. You dont like it, thats just fine. But you really should shut the fuck up.

Oh Buddha, help me to understand people who do stare downs like Im suppose to leave a place because they crowd around me (yes I said Buddha, I worship the round bellied little man, didnt you know?) Ive stayed in places much longer with people giving me dagger eyes but far too pussy to say anything directly to me because they have no real spine. Do you think a 20 minute stare down in a club is going to freak me out? I eat people like you for breakfast with a side of hash browns. You're going to have to do better then that to make me poof.

Anyone who expects me to do their shopping for them. Please, my little alien friends living deep inside of me, implanted in a field fallen from the sky, show me how to deal with these lazy bastards (Yes, Im a scientologist, I am in awe of my little alien controller, didnt you know?) I wouldnt go to the mall for you, I wouldnt do your grocery shopping, I surely wont search for you either. Go away kid, you're annoying me and your mother was a whore.

People who can only appreciate you when you do as they say. Better yet, people who love the "creative, outspoken mind" until its ouspoken against them. Dear baby jesus in a tutu atop a mountain giving moses his dairy products (Yes, Im a good christian girl and I go to church every day and I tithe and I hate everyone who is not like me and I am better than you and I have the luxury of telling people they are damned because Im the shit, didnt you know?) Keep appreciating me while I keep the darkest of secrets. Feel free to claim oppression with an IOU to the world. Wow, Im already bored.


Ive done many things, princess diana dali llama tom cruise baby jesus buddha funk master flex, but being that much of an Ice Queen is beyond even me. So am I better than you, Ya damn right I am. Now spend the rest of your life trying to make up for your dirty little secrets. Play pompous. Hide behind stones but you should be behind bars. Forgive them father, for they know what exactly they've done and sick and twisted as they are, they find glory in getting away with it. Hah, what a fucking joke.

If I was religious, forgiveness would be an option. Its not. Proven daily. Apologies...hah, keep waitinggggg. Now thats a sermon Id go to church to hear. Can I get an amen, roflmao!!!!!!!!!

Im all about love but war is just fine with me. F.T.N!

Brush That Shit Off My Shoulders

You will love me til I shout you out.
You will need me til I am of no use.
You will stay close until you can sense my loyalty
You will leave when I tell the truth.

FTN to being a pawn
FTN to lack of responsibility
FTN to losing loved ones
FTN to late night calls that change your life
FTN to people who swear they can use that one thing to demean everyone else
FTN to fake people who would shit on their own behind their backs
FTN to martyrs
FTN to wakes and funerals that cannot be attended
FTN to the heartless
FTN to the blind
FTN to the cold morphed sad souls who lost themselves along the way
FTN to people who treat others like a leper
FTN to people who think using my joy as an excuse is allowed
FTN to anyone who thinks Im in the mood to forgive
FTN to anyone who assumed Ill ever forget
FTN to people who think I should any longer give a flying fuck
FTN to people who would sell out their REAL fam.
FTN to the shady
FTN to the childish
FTN to the repeat offenders
FTN to the skeleton makers
FTN to ever loving such painful reminders of the truth
FTN for becoming where you came from
FTN for losing sight of where you wanted to go
FTN the tears, They wont bring anyone back
FTN the pain, Be strong for those that need you the most
FTN the malice, You cannot hurt what you do not know
FTN the deceit, I know the truth behind the facade, the mask, the bullshit
FTN to the act, BRAVO!
FTN to staying silent to corruption any longer
FTN to watching in blindness.
FTN to people who will never humble themselves
FTN to people who will be humbled by force sooner or later
FTN for the moment of pity I just felt
FTN for the innocent people caught in the mix.

Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life. Feel free to understand, I DONT CARE WHAT YOU THINK OF ME. TELL YOUR "FRIENDS" WHATEVER YOU NEED TO IN ORDER TO LOOK SUPERIOR. TELL YOURSELF THE SAME THING. I.DONT.GIVE.A.SHIT.

FTN to caring, hallelujah because now, I dont.

Unimpressed

Disappointed in the human condition, it is with all of my body and breath that I shrug off conditional evaluations, critical connotations and the lack of respect for ones private institutions. Heaven only knows this one got twisted for convenience, just like everything else right? One would know the art of twisting fiction into fact, a life made on it. Holding grudges is easy to do and two can play at this game.

Lack of responsibility is appearing common and Id like to give kudos to cold hearts and single tracked minds. As the world is all about what matters most when it is of benefit. Hypocrisy now shines on deaf ears, whats good for the goose...no?

The world is bigger than ourselves. Just blips in time, events and people that wont matter much in years to come and yet, so fixated on the moment at hand. Continue to use my name when it does not belong. Ammunition to feed a fire that is not mine to nurture. Stifle rumors and drama but create and pass it just the same. But there is no programming needed. I know what I know and its clear as day. Not by words alone but simply by the default of actions.

I am water, the rest is yours to keep. Being demoted doesnt phase me. When Im needed again, there I will be. And it will be my turn to say "what do you want." Because apples dont fall far from trees. The heartless never change. A sad and sick truth. Redemption is just too little too late. Forgiveness is not nor will it ever be an option.

The change from bad to worse...FTN!

Weekly

Even simple acts of noise can get under my skin, like a flesh crawling disease you'd get after fucking one of "those" girls. I say FTN! and Kill Em All!

• Cats who meow at 5:22 in the motherfucking morning! I WILL NOT FEED YOU! WAIT THE FUCK UP!
• Dogs who want to be let out to pee at 3:15 in the morning! WHO STARTED THIS SCHEDULE! THESE ANIMALS ARE HITLER INCARNATE!
• Guys who say shit like "you remember 7 years ago when I wanted to hook up, I woulda tore it up." NEWSFLASH: THAT WAS 7 YEARS AGO. IF YOU'RE STILL THINKING ABOUT IT AND IM NOT...WHO WOULD HAVE TORE WHO UP? IM GLAD IVE BEEN APART OF YOUR WET DREAMS FOR SEVEN FUCKING YEARS, NOW SHUT UP AND GO GET ME A SODA.
• People who drive 65 when the speed limit is 65. HERES A HINT: ITS ALWAYS AT LEAST 4 ABOVE SPEED LIMIT, I.E 35 = 39, 55 = 59, 65 = 69, 75 = 79...MAYBE 83 IF I REALLY WANNA GET THERE.
• Anyone who charges 1K for 300 prims in a 3 story house. THATS LIKE GIVING ME A MANSION AND SAYING, "YOU CAN HAVE A COUCH."
• Parents who let their kids sell candy/popcorn/chocolates/Christmas wrapping paper door to door with no supervision. FIRST OFF, CHRISTMAS WRAPPING PAPER IN AUGUST...REALLY? I WASNT BORN YESTERDAY! SECOND, WTF ARE YOUR PARENTS. IM SORRY THEY ARE HITTING THE CRACK PIPE BUT YOU SHOULDNT BE OUT RIGHT NOW, OR ON MY PORCH OR STANDING IN MY DOORWAY! THERE ARE SICK PEOPLE OUT THERE, ILL JUST WATCH THE NEWS AND WAIT TO SEE ABOUT LITTLE BOB OR LITTLE JANE WHO GOT KIDNAPPED AND THE SOBBING PARENT WHO CLAIMS, "I DONT KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED, WE LIVE IN SUCH A GOOD NEIGHBORHOOD." HINT...PSYCHOS LIVE IN RICH NEIGHBORHOODS TOO!
• Anyone who is still or ever was obsessed with Friends or Seinfeld. YOURE A FUCKING TARD!
• Anyone who uses the excuse, "Nigga is apart of my language. And its not the same as Nigger." ARE WE STILL COVERING THIS SHIT? WAKE UP, ITS AN UNEDUCATED USE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, JUST LIKE YOU ARE A SORRY EXCUSE FOR A FORM OF LIFE. RULE OF THUMB: IF YOU WOULDNT LET A 4 YEAR OLD CHILD USE THE WORD, WHY WOULD YOU? BE AN EXAMPLE OF PROGRESSION, NOT STUPIDITY.
• Guys who hit on you at 7am at the gas station. IM HERE TO GET COFFEE BITCH, MOVE. ILL ONLY SMILE IF YOU LET ME HAVE THE LAST DONUT.
• Cats who have progressed from meowing to get food to sitting at your feet, staring at you with dagger eyes in order to get food. YOU ARE FAT, YOU CAN WAIT AN HOUR!
• People who let their children run around a restaurant, babies cry nonestop and/or babies shit without immediately excusing themselves to change the little rats. THIS IS WHY SOMEONE LIKE YOU SHOULD HAVE SWALLOWED OR LET HIM SPLOOGE IN YOUR ASS. YOU CANT EVEN KEEP A HOLD OF YOUR KID OR CHANGE ITS CRUSTY DIAPER. I ORDERED A KC-STRIP AND GREENS, NOT A KC-STRIP, GREENS AND THE ODOR OF A DYING POSSUM!
• People who touch pregnant bellies without permission. THIS IS A VIOLATION OF PERSONAL SPACE. YOU HAVE NOW OPENED THE GATE AND I CAN RUB YOUR BELLY WHENEVER I CHOOSE. OH WAIT, YOU'RE JUST A FAT ASS, KINDA BOTHERSOME ISNT IT?
• People who fart in a supermarket aisle then jet to the next aisle to avoid their own stink. I WISH I COULD FOLLOW YOU AND GIVE IT BACK! YOU ARE A NASTY ASS. DID YOU HAVE TO PICK THE PRODUCE AISLE, REALLY? DONT BE SURPRISED, ITS USUALLY THE PRETTY RICH LOOKING LADY WHO HAS THE TOXIC FUMING ASSHOLE! BEWARE!
• People who make up stories about other people in order to justify their own asshat behavior. ID LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO KARMA. SHE IS A BITCH. ENJOY.
• Using text messages to say important things like "So and so stopped breathing, on life support, etc etc," YES, ITS 2009. WE STILL COMMUNICATE FOR IMPORTANT SITUATIONS LIKE, OH I DONT KNOW, PEOPLE ALMOST DYING!
• When you're hungry at 5:51am and what you want isnt in the fridge because someone who just came home last night decided that was the one motherfucking thing he wanted to eat. YOU ARE SO LUCKY MURDER IS ILLEGAL!
• Kim from Real Housewives of Atlanta. I HATE YOU! YOUR WIG IS CHEAP, YOUR A POOR EXAMPLE OF A WOMAN, A HOE AND A REALLY BAD LIAR. I HOPE YOU GET BITCH SLAPPED THIS SEASON!
• Hospitals that try to force a treatment for no other reason than they want to hike up the bill. HERES THE DEAL, IF I SAY MY BLADDER IS FULL, DONT COME UP IN HERE WITH A CATHETER. GET YOUR LITTLE BLADDER SCANNER THINGY AND CHECK...OH WAIT, I WAS RIGHT, AND WHO HAS THE DEGREE, YOU FUCKING SAGGY TWAT!
• Nurses who get pissed when you ask questions. IF YOU ARE TAKING MY BLOOD, INJECTING ME WITH SOMETHING, PUTTING ME INTO SOME MACHINE, I WANT TO KNOW WHY, WHAT IS IT, WHAT ARE SIDE EFFECTS, WHATS THE TESTING USED FOR AND ITS LEVEL OF IMPORTANCE. I AM NOT ABOUT TO BE THE REASON YOU GET A NEW BENZ THIS YEAR!
• Anyone still obsessed with Michael Jackson and his family. HE'S DEAD, MOVING THE FUCK ON. SADLY, MORE PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER HIS SICK AND TWISTED SKELETOR IMAGE THAN THE PERSON WHO CURES CANCER, AIDS AND STUPIDITY. AND WE WONDER WHY THE WORLD IS GOING TO SHIT.
• Cats who are now meowing at 6:04am because I fed them but they seem to want water. FUCKING NEEDY BASTARDS! HAVENT YOU GROWN THUMBS YET?

Feel free to add to the list, it was a slow morning. Overall; THINGS THAT HAVE ANNOYED ME THIS WEEK...FTN!

You Suck

FTN's a plenty. Seeing as the Kitty Bish is on a hiatus, most of these are outside of a realm, but all the while relevant and sadly, far too typical.

• Doctors with no bedside manner. When you are in a profession in which you are to care for people, you may want to actually like people. Its like the teacher who hates kids or the priest who loves them far too much. The only person I want cold and hardcore is a surgeon. He isnt paid to be nice. He's paid to cut me up and sew me back together and keep me alive. FUCK STUPID DOCTORS!
• Religious people who feel the need to judge. People who judge in general can suck a steak and eggs twat but quite frankly, those "God Fearing People," annoy the fuck out of me. Dont get me wrong, its not the faith itself that urks the shit out of me but the hypocrisy. I dont label myself the same thing as you so I am somehow worse off? Do you practice what you preach? Well then we are no fucking different, Im just honest.
• Religious people who say everyones going to hell. Last I checked, I think my God, whatever entity or energy I believe in knows whats in my heart and I really dont have to spend the rest of my time on this earth trying to convince you of that bond. So fuck you hard in the ear for damning me to hell. I like warm weather anyone so fuck your chilly ass heaven.
• People who assume everything is about them. FTN YOUR LAZY EYED CAMEL TOED HAIRLIP! Im silent, get over yourself. Im laughing, you arent funny, Im sad, there are babies dying all over the world, Im angry, you arent even on my radar. Get over yourself. And get some new pants.

Its too damn early and Im too damned tired...The kitty bish and I will take a nap now and I hope when I wake up, the following types of people have died slow miserable deaths. Or just get yeast infections in their mouths!