TADA!!!

My lovely FTNers! It's been awhile but things are back in motion and I'm feeling ever spunky today so here goes nothing.

Through much observation and some serious analysis, my team of experts and I have stumbled upon something that is either A. a diabolical scheme to annoy the shit out of me or B. a serious epidemic. Either way, I'm highly concerned. This possible epidemic is called "I Have A Complex," otherwise known as "You Swear Syndrome." Symptoms may include but are not limited to:

1. People who harbor their RL bias in a world where cats sit next to furries sitting next to home grown vampires who are right in front of badly constructed men wearing mom jeans. Rascism, sexism, homophobia, along with any other ignorant form of stereotyping and judgement, should be left in your RL. SL is a place where you can at least pretend to not be an ignorant asshole. Try it out. You might like it. YOU SWEAR
2. DJ's who lose their shit on air. Having a bad day? Don't like what someone said to you? Feel free to privately message them and say just that. More power to you. Rambling on like a sociopath while people are trying to listen to music: you're just an assclown and no one really cares. YOU SWEAR
3. Self-Proclomations. If you have to rant and rave about how much of an asshole/cunt/bitch/douchebag/gift from God/naughty slut you are...you aren't. You're boring. You're hoping someone will somehow be impressed/intimidated/interested/intrigued/moved to give a flying fuck and that my dear makes you the worst kind of attention whore. YOU SWEAR
4. Speaking of which...people who publicize their hatred for attention whores with clever lists in their profiles only to break their own rules and lead the pack of said hoes. YOU SWEAR
5. Anyone who has an outburst and then uses the typical, "I was intoxicated," excuse the following day. Listen, I know it's easier for some to huff and puff and make yourself sound like billy badass normally behind the protection of oh, I don't know...a fucking screen...but save the sad antics of highschool drinking-asshat actions for your family reunion. Take my advice and buy a breathalizer. You not hitting the legal limit? GO WATCH A MOVIE! Please spare the rest of us from your slurred stupidity. This also goes for girls who suddenly become freaky hoes when drinking. If you cant be a good hoe all the time, save the space for the dedicated few. You fucking imposter. YOU SWEAR
6. Psycho freaky mushy faced bitches who Jekyll and Hyde something major. Here's a clue. It's free. Take it. If you are rude to someone, they will stop talking to you. Probably not a clever thing to insult THEN ask to chat. Do you see where you went wrong? Hey moron, if you say "fuck off, dont talk to me," but you keep talking...you are officially pushed into the attention whore/dramatic anal leakage category. See numbers 3 and 4. Read slowly, feel free to highlight. YOU SWEAR
7. Boys....boys boys boys. Let me give you a fucking hint here. The dramatic push and pull away thing is outdated, overplayed, boring, stupid, and juvenile. Who does that shit anymore? Especially when you have such a kickass bish willing to be by your side. Okay maybe I'm biased but there aint no bitch in my fam who aint some fly ass shit so you should be grateful she's even looked at your mom jean rocking ogre ass. Count your fucking blessings and grovel. Grovel long and hard. YOU SWEAR
8. People who take themselves so god damn seriously. There's a crisis in Haiti. There are starving children in the world. Abused animals, victims of physical/emotional/mental abuse, Angelina is adopting all of Guam and half of Ethiopia, attempts to take away our freedoms and you fucks are really convinced your little menstrating sessions are really something of importance. Learn to take a joke. The world doesnt revolve around you. And hey, when you are gone...the world will keep moving. What a fucking shock huh? YOU SWEAR

None of us are perfect here and trust, Im the first to say I'm all sorts of jacked the fuck up. But this epidemic, Im now convinced its a sickness, is taking over and it's effects are deadly if not aggravating as fuck. Bottom line: get over yourself, have fun and if you can't....SHUT THE FUCK UP!

The self absorbed/obsessed/concerned...YOU SWEAR!

FTN BITCHES!

Randomly Random Randomness

Random men who say stupid shit like "how you doing," with that snarky "I wanna fuck you," tone when opening a door for you. Its a fucking door dude, not a diamond necklace.

Having to go in the gas station to pay, why dont your fucking machines work out here?

Telemarketers...Im going to start calling you at work and asking if you want to hear my neest rendition of "Pokerface."

Having 500 channels and nothing to watch.

Cats that lick their assholes...all the time.

Swiffer Wet Jet...the jury is still out but I dont think I like you.

Spilling an entire cup of fruit punch on a brand new area rug...WTF!!!!!

Little things...FTN

Opinions

In starting FTN, the kitty bish made the conscious choice to keep a voice that calls out things a kitty wouldnt like. These are solely my opinions and I dont expect anyone to agree with them, by any means. On that note...

I find it ironic when people play the passive aggressive role of depicting how others should exist. Really? Though I will make shout outs, do I really think its my spot to tell anyone what to do or not do? How to exist? Not in the least. I may have my opinions but I know we arent all the same and how we CHOOSE to spend our time is our CHOICE.

Ive met many people in my time in world. In that time, Ive seen people who are solely rlers, rpers, mixers, etc etc. Do I judge that or care? Nope. Im having too much fun on my own time to really worry about why you exist. What I do have a problem with are people who say they exist completely 100% real here.

Hello, Im a cat. Is the girl a cat in RL? Not likely and if so, the government would have my ass for testing. Do you really look like that in RL? Do you notice no one is old or overweight, flat chested or small dicked? No ones walking around in bummy clothes, though I know there are plenty of bums chilling daily. People with disabilities arent rocking their disabilities. No one does sign language though Im sure we've got some deaf people. Is your hair that color? Do you go to the supermarket dressed in string? Realistically, everyone is playing the fantasy to an extent, whether it is in how you talk, act, dress, live, whatever.

No one is better than anyone else. And if I choose not to divulge certain information while others feel mighty free to talk about themselves, thats fine by me. Does that make one more "real" of a person than the next? Keep thinking that. Yes, there are real people behind it all, there are emotions and feelings and wants and needs and all that jazz. In existing in world, we all make a choice to be whatever we want to be, a depiction of ourselves, who we were, who we want to be, our fantasy, our hope, our whatever.

Some people enjoy escapism, some people enjoy stepping outside of themselves, some people enjoy a fantasy, some people enjoy being creative in what they can and will do, some people enjoy being who they are 24/7. But before we cast stones at whos better or existing for the right reasons, ask yourself...what is the right reason for logging in to a pretend world and doing pretend things and hanging with other pretenders who in all actuality have families and jobs and lives and crimes and sins and pains and feelings and thoughts and actions that have absolutely nothing to do with this place?

Fun.

If thats why people exist, let them exist on their own terms, their own way, without being self righteous to judge or make proclamations of superiority. I dont know why people come by occassionally, daily, never leave. And to be quite honest, I dont much care. To each his/her own. If you could and did do everything you do here, you wouldnt be here. Youd be out there, doing what you do. So put the stones down, avoid the glass house and enjoy your time for whatever you want it to be. As I will enjoy mine.

This one will go without an official FTN because its an opinion I stand by and something thats probably bigger than an FTN persona.

Many blessings.

HEY FUCKFACE!!!!

Lets pretend for a second...

You are a girl who just got dumped by her girlfriend.
You also just got dropped by your mom.

You im me because I care.

You use the exact words..."I want to die."

You proceed to tell me about said need for death.

You then say "So you good at shopping."

You plan a makeover to get over said girl you want to die over.

F.T.N.

YOU NEED HELP! Can you say demented? Do me a favor, teach out your hand. You know what that is? Not your girls face, not her tit, not her pretty wavy hair...ITS A SCREEN YOU JACKASS! Sure, you have some real feelings but shes a god damn cartoon you ungrateful fuck. If a cartoon bitch can make you talk about wanting to die to someone you barely talk to...YOU NEED SOME ZOLOFT! DEPAKOTE! A GUNSHOT TO THE GOD DAMN HEAD!

You are absolutely right, I am a bad person. Because I dont have pity or empathy for emo fucks who use their time to make people cry for them and care if they threaten to harm themselves because they want some god damn attention. Did your father not love you as a child? Is this my problem? Nope, sure aint so save the I wanna die shit for someone who gives a shit, like Dr. Phil.

Typical Moment? Yep!

Guys who refer to a girl as a "nasty tongued vixen" AFTER they are rejected?

FTN!

Too funny. But your heads too small, your clothes suck and the gigalo act is really kinda boring. I kinda like the nasty tongue vixen thing though, I think Ill use that. But you are still an ugly little man.

LOL, thanks for the laugh and ftn moment.

NEWS AT 11!!!!!!!

WE INTERUPT YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM FOR THIS LATE BREAKING NEW - POISON JUST HAD THE DIRTIEST NASTIEST RAUNCHIEST SEX KNOWN TO MAN, MONKEY AND DOLPHIN (you know flipper was a dirty freak with his scat fetish!) NOW WE SEND YOU OVER TO OUR VERY OWN KITTY BISH FOR THE LATEST DETAILS ON THIS TRIUMPHANT MOMENT IN POISONS COOTER HISTORY!

Why thank you Gunther. This is your on site reporter Kitty Bish coming to you live from the exact location where Tsunami Poisons Twat Juice first struck. Countless eye witnesses state the same story and I quote from this handy dandy notebook I stole from an episode of Blues Clues because Im cool like that...and it reads;

"I've never seen anything like it. First there was some dirty sanchez followed by rusty trombones which led into twisted cranes and a very sudden movement into the ever famous and painful foot up your ass. Im just baffled." Another stunned woman stated..."what will I tell my children!!! whyyyyyyyyy, dear god whyyyyyyy"

No one knows exactly what brought on this sudden attack of dick sucking cooter licking anal pong tossing pee hole brutality but one thing is clear, this is just the beginning of the insatiable attack we are now referring to as "Poisons Dick Fest '09"

The wind is picking up which is a tell tale sign of pussy farts on the horizon. He obviously plugged it too hard and pulled out way too quickly. Now Im going to get the hell out of here before Im engulfed by life threatening vaginal walls. This is Kitty Bish reporting live from Poisons couch. Back to you dickwads!


This newscast was brought to you by your FTN sponsers - Lady, Big Mac, Corvus, and Ammy. Oh and some sexy fly ass bitch named Me! Id do her!
ME: wooooo for Poison getting her sex on!
LADY: woot!!!!!!
LADY: lmao
ME: SUCK HARDER!
BIG MAC: WOOOOTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AMMY: all i get is ice cream
ME: TUG ON THE BALLS!
SEX MASTER POISON: lmfao
ME: OOO AMMY THINKS YOU SHOULD USE ICE CREAM
AMMY: lol
ME: see all she can do is laugh cuz her mouth is full
AMMY: why not
AMMY: and grapes
CORVUS: oh yeah totally!
ME: grapes for his grapes!
ME: sit on his face and give him the earmuffs
CORVUS: some of cheff's salty chocolate balls.. and some fudge um's!
ME: ooo salty balls for poison!
AMMY: omg
SEX MASTER POISON: omg
ME: damn corvus you got all detailedf and shit, you gotta be that graphic, what the hell is wrong with you there are kids in the room you god damn monger
SEX MASTER POISON: I can't stop laughing
ME: roflmao
ME: dont laugh too hard or youll bite down on princess sophia
AMMY: writes all this down
ME: USE A DIGITAL RUBBER SO YOU DONT GET DIGITAL ITCHIES
CORVUS: *laughs* no, but now i have to watch that eposide of south park :-P
ME: poi already had crabs this week
ME: rofl
ME: OKAY OKAY NO MORE COCK BLOCKING, IM HER IN 10 MINUTES AFTER THE GUY BUSTS!
ME: THAT IS ALL, CLASS DISMISSED
SEX MASTER POISON: lmfao

You Really Are Deranged

Here's to people who never stop inspiring.

The Kitty Bish is dancing in a club, mind you, not surrounded by anyone she really knows except for one awesome lady (Love Ya Top). Would my night be of any interest if I didnt get a random message from some scum bag I stopped talking to a very long time ago? Of course not. Because if there werent stupid people, there would be no FTN! and without FTN! people wouldnt be entertained and puppies would have to be maimed (Thanks Poi).

Here's a clue. Just for any of the dimwitted freaks who so happen to inhabit the earth, sadly taking up space. Any comment about the girl or her life outside of the confines of the place you so see the Kitty Bish is never up for discussion. Comments about race will automatically get you blacklisted. Being so bold to attempt to talk to me now only shows your stupidity. And I feel sorry for you.

Lets make this really clear, really quickly, because apparently is wasnt clear the first time. My connection with any place does not dictate my reactions to moronic speech. I dont care if Im in a room of vamps or clowns, its all the fucking same to me. My stand on rascist commentary does no waver because of a title I wore in the past and does not waver now because I no longer hold that title.

Flattery gets you absolutely nowhere. Telling me "you were one of the cool people," just makes me laugh at you. You got banned from a place because you were an asshole, whether I was "family" back then or not. People stood by that choice and still do and telling me I should be over your rascist moment only clarifies to me one thing; people dont change. Some people are clearly lost to their own ignorance.

If you think, for a moment, that something only matters if I have people to back me...you are sadly mistaken. I dont need anyone to back me, no one to stand ground beside me or defend my name or nature. There are certain battles that just arent worth my energy, not even for a second and are easily dismissed. There are certain battles that deserve to be fought, perhaps pointless, but I'll do my part by not staying voiceless on the matter.

Crash, if you think being a rascist in any form of the word is something that can be easily dismissed by conducting such acts in a fantasy world, I am sad for you. If your fantasy is to only magnify the lack of braincells you really have, then so be it. But keep that noise to yourself. Its the ugliest form of human behavior and I can only send my condolescences for the people who have to breath your air.

FTN! to people who disgrace themselves in ignorance and further shame themselves in denial. Ugly is ugly, hope you see that soon enough.