You're Invited!!!

Want to hear a secret? Poi is getting partnered/married. Well, it's not a secret anymore. Not to you and I at least. But it is to...Oh, I don't know...THE GUY SHE IS PARTNERING. This schmuck has no clue she's gonna tie him down forever...for-everrrrr...FOR-EV-ER! Sick, aint it?

But I'm a good friend. Despite that bitch only being a 5 on my friendship scale. (You see the abuse I put up with?) Being the good friend that I am, what a lucky girl she is to have me by the way, I decided I would help her out with this little plot to catch the man. I'm all about torturing people and what better way to do so than to force his unaware ass into eternal damnation i.e partnership. EXACTLY. So you know this little scheme is my favorite cup o' tea. Sip sip bitches.

[20:48] Poison Ferrentino: ooo you should see my wedding invite it's pretty lmao

So I say: "Hey snatch, do me a favor and send me one of those fabulous fucking invites you wont stop yapping about." So she does. She likes it when I call her snatch so don't get all bitchy about it.

Do you know with this trifling hot mess gives me?

[20:55] Poison Ferrentino gave you Premade scripted wedding invitation.

A BLANK....let me repeat that...BLANK!!!! PREMADE SCRIPTED WEDDING INVITE! I can't make this shit up. Poi...my dearest skanky droopy lipped homie...seriously? I love you but did the welfare check come late this week? I told you if you needed money, I could take you to BJ's and you could trade some lovin' for some food stamps. In turn, I know some people who would trade some of your stamps for some invites. Do you listen to me? NO! NO YOU DONT YOU DEAF, HALITOSIS INFECTED, CHAPPED VAGGY LIP! You just dont listen.

But don't fret. Your one and only is here to help because this wedding is going to happen if I have to round up every jerry curled hobo I know to be your bridesmaids and perform the ceremony myself. Come to think of it...that isnt such a bad idea. (Writes that down for a future post.)

Since your invites are blank, I thought I'd come up with a couple of options. Just call me Hallmark.

OPTION 1

"Roses are red, violets are blue

He has no idea

He'll soon say 'I do.'

Hey Fucker, you're invited"

FREE TUNES AND BEER

(Tunes and beer are why everyone will come so it should really be at the top.)

OPTION 2

"Two hands, two hearts, one love forever...

or until I departner him for the next pinhead with a bigger house.

Hey Fucker, you're invited."

FREE TUNES AND BEER

OPTION 3

"The wedding bells will ring quite soon, for I have set a date.

I'm hoping that you'll be there to help me celebrate.

He better say "I do," we better tie the knot

If he ever wants to get head again or ever see my twat.

Hey Fucker, you're invited."

FREE TUNES AND BEER

OPTION 4

"To his face, he is the matching piece to my puzzle.

Behind his back, I want a prenup and a muzzle.

Hey Fucker, You're invited."

FREE TUNES AND BEER

I personally like number 3 but that's just me. Weddings suck unless I get to corrupt them. Then...they are just good times!

To ordinary invites and ordinary weddings...FTN!

Stay tuned, the ever unfolding saga of Poi's not so secret anymore wedding will continue after these messages from our local sponsor...