Remembering to take out the garbage as you roll over to hear the garbage truck drive past your house.
Having a dog that decides to eat a rock. Seriously...an entire rock. Whole.
Feeling extremely dirty while eating an extra brownie when you know you shouldn't.
Eating the extra brownie anyway.
That crusty ball of lotion that first comes out when you reopen a lotion bottle you haven't used in awhile. Can lotion get boogers?
Spell-check telling you "boogers" isn't a word. Oh yes it is, fucker!
People who bring an animal to stay at your house only to tell you afterward the little buck toothed rat has fleas. I hate your face! And your little dog too!
Lighting the wrong end of your cigarette...when it's the last one you've got...and theres a snow storm outside so you can't go get anymore. HELP!
People who do this: "Hi"....No, that's it. They just say hi.
Pilgrims. Just because I said so.
Where the fuck did the Sunday comics go? They use to be funny. Now that shit don't make no sense. Marmaduke...come back and be funny god damn it!
Curling. I don't understand it for shit but damn if I don't have to watch it. Brush that ice woman, brush it! Wait...it's on ice right?
Having a total Jessica Simpson moment:
"Do you even know who Sacajawea is?"
Me: "Um yeah, she was the Indian. I'm Sacajawea."
"Okay then I'm Louis and Clark."
Me: "So you're a hermaphrodite?"
(I am not proud to say that this was an actual conversation I had very recently...Sue me...I thought he said Lois and Clark...Like from Superman...I swear I'm not dumb...oh go to hell!)
Having to explain to someone that there actually is crab in Crab Ragoon. (Hah, fuck you, I think that's worse than my Louis and Clark blunder so bite me.)
Buying a bag of 'Munchies' just to eat the pretzels.
Easter commercials coming out February 15th.
Being awake at 5:53am for no fucking reason AT ALL!
F.T.N!
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