And Your Score Is...

Hey Poi...I don't care who you are...shitting your pants is not impressive, sexy or interesting by any means.

Because you are officially a traitor and hanging like a dirty dingleberry (versus a clean dingleberry? um...Shut Up!) on someone else's sack...I am forced to evaluate your friendship as follows...

50 Points for breathing. (It's not like she breathes anything special but everyone has to start somewhere.

-10 Points for recording over my Law and Order episodes with her "Butt Busters 9" Pay Per View event.

+3 Points for not Pay Per Viewing "Clumpy Taints 7," again.

+2 Points for ordering Chicken and Pineapple Pizza

-11 Points for sitting on the couch while covered in Vaseline.

+17 Points for teaching me "The Frothy Walrus."

-21 Points for teaching me "The Loose Leaf Blower," and "Like-A-Monkey-Using-A-Stick-To-Pick-Its-Food." That was just fucked up!

+1 Point for not video taping "The Cambodian Creamsicle."

-6 Points for taking pictures of "Impacted Bananas."

-11 Points for that time you left me in the back of that car with those guys.

+10 Points for leaving the lube behind...for my behind. (I swear that one guy was an Anaconda.)

+3 Points for bringing me ice.

-5 Points for dry ice. (Moron!)

+10 Points for peeing on my leg when that jellyfish stung me.

-9 Points for peeing on me every other time.

+13 Points for buying me a new washer and dryer before the family reunion.

-14 Points for fucking my cousin on said dryer during said family reunion.

+27 Points for bailing me out of jail after I got busted with that bag of...tea.

-26 Points for giving the cops my name to get out of that DUI.

+10 Points for bringing me Chinese food that one time.

-9 Points for using my chop sticks to masturbate.

+11 Points for being that tight.

Total Friendship Score for Poison = 35 Points

Oh, I almost forgot!!!!

-30 Points for "The Double Kangaroo Sloppy Pocky." (You thought I forgot about that, didn't you? Nasty!)

Total Friendship Score for Poison (REDO) = 5 Points

FTN! For not hitting double digits! Skank.

P.S. Oral sex should never include Mustard, Horseradish or Maple syrup. No matter what Poi tells you!