Not So Random Randoms

Has it really been that long? Damn, I'm a bad dealer. Well, dont fret FTNers, here's your fix.
In the past week or so, I've come across several instances that just pain my cockels...yep I said cockels, deal with it. I have no actual idea what this word means but it sounds like cock and thats good enough for me. Haters. FTN!

On two seperate occassions, unless there are some alts I should know about, I've heard girls talking about guys who have basically up and left them but cant decide if they should stay. I'll be fair and say that the two situations are very different. One just got dooped. The other, well the guy was up front and had a not so bad reason for not being around. Now here's where I do feel the dire sense of urgency, can you tell I'm just losing sleep over this, to say something. Because these chicks are actually cool chicks. I wasnt meant to be nice but I'll give kudos where they are due. Okay, maybe a little whiney, dont take it personally, but overall very cool. So what the fuck is there to think about? Guy doesnt exist...move the fuck on. What exactly are you waiting for? And why is it the cool bitches get left in the dust while those pancake faced triple G crusty snatches with bad hair are still getting the dick? I just cant wrap my lil kitty brain around this one. Oh dear baby jesus, the agony. FTN!

What the fuck is it with the emos? Is there an epidemic? It's like some sad overdone version of the swine flu, except in this case, these bastards will not go away. (No offense to all my clean pigs out there, I loves me my bacon and I'm not prejudice, I will eat you all with equal hunger.) There are different levels of emo which I'm sure I will cover another day (makes a note of that) but for right now, here's a general comment. STOP YOUR SHIT! MOPEY WEIRD CONVERSATIONS ARE THE REASON NO ONE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU! You are like a a fucking monsoon, a tsunami of annoyance, a hurricane of stupidity, a tornado of asshat conditions. Yes, you are miserable, oh dear heavens...your existance sucks balls. Well Sir Fluffsalot, whos fault is that? Yours, so how bout you shut the fuck up and keep that unorginal sob story to yourself. You are as new as Paris Hiltons cooch. Thats so hawt. -.- FTN!

"It doesn't matter if I'm ugly, I'm a good person on the inside." Only ugly people say that shit. Someone, I'm sure your crab infested mother or that guy you think is your father told you that garbage, but they lied. Yes, I am vain. I dont deny it, I dont hide it. I only like smexy people (thats smart and sexy combined, dont be a twatbaby!) and that's that. I might forgive you if this so called "good person on the inside" had a decent personality. Hey! I said might. But even then, you fail. You fail miserably. Your ugliness offends me and you should be ashamed of yourself. Seeing the turnout, I'm sure your mother wishes the one test she'd flunked in middle school was that pregnancy test. Yes, yo mama was a hoe, sorry to break it to you. FTN!

"Will you be my friend?" Here's a question for you...are you still talking? Even better, are you still breathing? Rewind and lets head back to grade school on the playground when the cool kids were picking sides for dodgeball, right after fucking your mother, see above..."Will you be my friend?" equates to being one of two people...the little tubby who you know can't outrun, throw or catch the god damn ball or the scrawny kid who looks like he'd break, piss his pants and have an asthma attack if the ball comes within twenty feet of his face i.e LAME! Give me something good to work with, how about "stalking starts now," or "free titty fucks for life." You see how much clearer our friendship just became? FTN!

This one will probably bug a few people I know. Woohoo for having my friends list cleared out for me. What the fuck is it with you people only wearing black. Red maybe, because thats going all out. Maybe it's your very original idea of high fashion or maybe you are just lazy. This follows the rule of changing your fucking clothes at least once a day. There are these things and they are called colors and you should try them. They are not a bad thing, I promise. They are right up there with wiping, brushing your teeth and using D.O for your B.O. AND IF ONE MORE STUPID MOTHERFUCKER tells me I couldnt possibly be something because I happen to wear pink or blue or any other non black item, so help you god I will rip your droopy little sack to shreds and introduce it to your asshole, literally. Get a fucking clue. You are boring and I hate your face. FTN!

You ever been in that situation and youre dancing in the club with some fine piece of ass, mmm mmm bitches and right when you are about to do some major lickage, everything freezes up. A century later, you can move again, the guy is thinking you dissed his ass tapping skills and you cant see shit because Ms. Buckfuckingcherry7.0 decides she is so god damn important, she has to poof in with sparkles and butterflies and lilac bursts. WHO THE FUCK MADE THIS SHIT!?!? I want names, numbers, postal boxes so I can send you each a dead baby seal stuffed with feces! This is my gift to you, straight from my little black heart. I dont know who I hate more, the pieces of shit who created these poofers or the nasty anal leakage that chooses to wear them. Because of you, I just lagged something awful and missed my shot to lick that fine motherfucker I was talking to you about! You owe me some mind blowing fucking sex right now you scheming pussy popping cock blocking sorry excuse of life. I fucking hate you and I hope you die...five minutes ago! FTN!

If you were born an elf and then ate a piece of chex and became a drow who then drank some dirty water and turned into a pixie before falling into a tub of margerine to be resurrected as a vampire only after being a princess neko Dom Sub bunny goat, you are not creative, you are not a shapesifter person thingymabob, you my dear ARE FUCKING CONFUSED! Theres this thing, its called being a schizo but even for your type, I dont think thats the case. Take this pill and swallow it. Its not trying new things, its you feeling the need to start over every god damn week because yet again, you fucked up the new persona, you bombed, tanked, failed! How bout you try a new role, its called permanently logged. That one will suit you just fine. Hell, it'll suit me just fine. Thanks for playing, k now bye bye then. FTN!

Heres an idea! LETS OPEN A CLUB! Because I can dj (setting up a playlist and never talking or engaging people) and um yeah what else do we need, okay four walls, how bout red floors, orange walls and oooo we need a stripper pole. We'll make millions! STOP OPENING CLUBS YOU HALF ASSED MONKEY COCKSUCKING DOUCHEBAGS! This place is not a club, its a dirty living room! You have officially wasted the thirty seconds it too me to find you in search, tp in and out. I just had a seizure from all of the colors and I am suing! RIGHT NOW! Though you wont be able to pay me because your club will be closed in two days. Hey, Im an optimist. FTN!

STOP BUILDING! You fucking suck! If I see one more 1000L 10 prim house for sale with every generic freebie wall paper used, Im going to shit in someones mamas mouth! I swear, Ill fucking do it and scrape her face like its cat litter when Im done. You dont have talent, just accept this. Its for your own good. And your mamas. FTN!

And with that my dear FTNers, Im done. It has been a pleasure. Yes, I am vulgar and I say all the wrong things. Deal with it. Mad love to non annoying bitchassness and all that jazz. Dont forget to tip your DJ...the good ones...Ill be here all week.

SAY IT WITH ME.... F.T.N.