FREE CLINIC

For the easily offended...run while you can.

We've seen em, we've heard em. Those damn bellies. Okay ladies, this ones for you. What the fuck is your major malfunction. Dont get me wrong, you want to rock out in your own way, I surely dont hate. I be a kitty and I likey it as such. But involuntary conversations with your fetus is not my cup of tea. This sort of reminds me of a girl I knew who shall remain nameless who rocked out with the talking butthole. Your belly is officially in the same category as a winking chatty anus.

So maybe its cute for like a day. If that. But then I start hearing details about your excess baggage I care not to know. Did your fetus just fart and why is it doing the macarena? Aww, it just pooed a little...into your lower intestine. Why do I care?

Dont even get me started on the strippers who rock the pole while their little baby to be waves at every sleazy motherfucker who comes into the club. Isnt that why you are knocked up in the first place, because your dirty cooch was too close to the pole?

The talking belly is just about as cute as seeing someone squeeze open one of their herpes sores and licking it. Did you just gag? WELL YOU SHOULD because its gross! Just gross and I hereby label today ANTI-TALKING BELLY FETUS BABY DAY!

Thanks to a fellow FTN! member, FTN! will officially be doing our part to stop the madness. For just FREE 99, yep you heard me, FREE 99! For that unmistakably low price, all members of FTN! will gladly relieve you of the waste that is the talking belly. We offer many options for removal. Feel free to peruse the menu.

Package A - A good old fashioned kick to the talking belly. Mild pain and not guarenteed but well worth a try if you are a first timer.
Package B - A select few stabs with rusty ice picks delivered by our team of experts. These are pros so dont you worry youre pretty little head. Bleeding may occur but look on the bright side, this will give you a new excuse to fix up that damned shape of yours, ya look like you're hiding a bag of potatos in your girdle.
Package C - (My personal favorite) A few swift kicks and stabs to your face to remind you just how stupid it is for you to have a talking belly to begin with, followed by three consecutive sessions of being run over by an SUV while simultaneously being set on fire. Oh and the boyfriend/hubby/partner and or random guy who splooged in your cooch to cause this horrific incident is not left out. He will enjoy a nice breaking of the peen, twice while being forced to watch the entire first season of The Brady Bunch.

Here at FTN! we are all about family. Just not yappy annoying gassy ones who havent even popped out yet and totally interfere with us getting out fuck on in public places! That is all. Happy to help.