Has it really been that long? Damn, I'm a bad dealer. Well, dont fret FTNers, here's your fix.
In the past week or so, I've come across several instances that just pain my cockels...yep I said cockels, deal with it. I have no actual idea what this word means but it sounds like cock and thats good enough for me. Haters. FTN!
On two seperate occassions, unless there are some alts I should know about, I've heard girls talking about guys who have basically up and left them but cant decide if they should stay. I'll be fair and say that the two situations are very different. One just got dooped. The other, well the guy was up front and had a not so bad reason for not being around. Now here's where I do feel the dire sense of urgency, can you tell I'm just losing sleep over this, to say something. Because these chicks are actually cool chicks. I wasnt meant to be nice but I'll give kudos where they are due. Okay, maybe a little whiney, dont take it personally, but overall very cool. So what the fuck is there to think about? Guy doesnt exist...move the fuck on. What exactly are you waiting for? And why is it the cool bitches get left in the dust while those pancake faced triple G crusty snatches with bad hair are still getting the dick? I just cant wrap my lil kitty brain around this one. Oh dear baby jesus, the agony. FTN!
What the fuck is it with the emos? Is there an epidemic? It's like some sad overdone version of the swine flu, except in this case, these bastards will not go away. (No offense to all my clean pigs out there, I loves me my bacon and I'm not prejudice, I will eat you all with equal hunger.) There are different levels of emo which I'm sure I will cover another day (makes a note of that) but for right now, here's a general comment. STOP YOUR SHIT! MOPEY WEIRD CONVERSATIONS ARE THE REASON NO ONE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU! You are like a a fucking monsoon, a tsunami of annoyance, a hurricane of stupidity, a tornado of asshat conditions. Yes, you are miserable, oh dear heavens...your existance sucks balls. Well Sir Fluffsalot, whos fault is that? Yours, so how bout you shut the fuck up and keep that unorginal sob story to yourself. You are as new as Paris Hiltons cooch. Thats so hawt. -.- FTN!
"It doesn't matter if I'm ugly, I'm a good person on the inside." Only ugly people say that shit. Someone, I'm sure your crab infested mother or that guy you think is your father told you that garbage, but they lied. Yes, I am vain. I dont deny it, I dont hide it. I only like smexy people (thats smart and sexy combined, dont be a twatbaby!) and that's that. I might forgive you if this so called "good person on the inside" had a decent personality. Hey! I said might. But even then, you fail. You fail miserably. Your ugliness offends me and you should be ashamed of yourself. Seeing the turnout, I'm sure your mother wishes the one test she'd flunked in middle school was that pregnancy test. Yes, yo mama was a hoe, sorry to break it to you. FTN!
"Will you be my friend?" Here's a question for you...are you still talking? Even better, are you still breathing? Rewind and lets head back to grade school on the playground when the cool kids were picking sides for dodgeball, right after fucking your mother, see above..."Will you be my friend?" equates to being one of two people...the little tubby who you know can't outrun, throw or catch the god damn ball or the scrawny kid who looks like he'd break, piss his pants and have an asthma attack if the ball comes within twenty feet of his face i.e LAME! Give me something good to work with, how about "stalking starts now," or "free titty fucks for life." You see how much clearer our friendship just became? FTN!
This one will probably bug a few people I know. Woohoo for having my friends list cleared out for me. What the fuck is it with you people only wearing black. Red maybe, because thats going all out. Maybe it's your very original idea of high fashion or maybe you are just lazy. This follows the rule of changing your fucking clothes at least once a day. There are these things and they are called colors and you should try them. They are not a bad thing, I promise. They are right up there with wiping, brushing your teeth and using D.O for your B.O. AND IF ONE MORE STUPID MOTHERFUCKER tells me I couldnt possibly be something because I happen to wear pink or blue or any other non black item, so help you god I will rip your droopy little sack to shreds and introduce it to your asshole, literally. Get a fucking clue. You are boring and I hate your face. FTN!
You ever been in that situation and youre dancing in the club with some fine piece of ass, mmm mmm bitches and right when you are about to do some major lickage, everything freezes up. A century later, you can move again, the guy is thinking you dissed his ass tapping skills and you cant see shit because Ms. Buckfuckingcherry7.0 decides she is so god damn important, she has to poof in with sparkles and butterflies and lilac bursts. WHO THE FUCK MADE THIS SHIT!?!? I want names, numbers, postal boxes so I can send you each a dead baby seal stuffed with feces! This is my gift to you, straight from my little black heart. I dont know who I hate more, the pieces of shit who created these poofers or the nasty anal leakage that chooses to wear them. Because of you, I just lagged something awful and missed my shot to lick that fine motherfucker I was talking to you about! You owe me some mind blowing fucking sex right now you scheming pussy popping cock blocking sorry excuse of life. I fucking hate you and I hope you die...five minutes ago! FTN!
If you were born an elf and then ate a piece of chex and became a drow who then drank some dirty water and turned into a pixie before falling into a tub of margerine to be resurrected as a vampire only after being a princess neko Dom Sub bunny goat, you are not creative, you are not a shapesifter person thingymabob, you my dear ARE FUCKING CONFUSED! Theres this thing, its called being a schizo but even for your type, I dont think thats the case. Take this pill and swallow it. Its not trying new things, its you feeling the need to start over every god damn week because yet again, you fucked up the new persona, you bombed, tanked, failed! How bout you try a new role, its called permanently logged. That one will suit you just fine. Hell, it'll suit me just fine. Thanks for playing, k now bye bye then. FTN!
Heres an idea! LETS OPEN A CLUB! Because I can dj (setting up a playlist and never talking or engaging people) and um yeah what else do we need, okay four walls, how bout red floors, orange walls and oooo we need a stripper pole. We'll make millions! STOP OPENING CLUBS YOU HALF ASSED MONKEY COCKSUCKING DOUCHEBAGS! This place is not a club, its a dirty living room! You have officially wasted the thirty seconds it too me to find you in search, tp in and out. I just had a seizure from all of the colors and I am suing! RIGHT NOW! Though you wont be able to pay me because your club will be closed in two days. Hey, Im an optimist. FTN!
STOP BUILDING! You fucking suck! If I see one more 1000L 10 prim house for sale with every generic freebie wall paper used, Im going to shit in someones mamas mouth! I swear, Ill fucking do it and scrape her face like its cat litter when Im done. You dont have talent, just accept this. Its for your own good. And your mamas. FTN!
And with that my dear FTNers, Im done. It has been a pleasure. Yes, I am vulgar and I say all the wrong things. Deal with it. Mad love to non annoying bitchassness and all that jazz. Dont forget to tip your DJ...the good ones...Ill be here all week.
SAY IT WITH ME.... F.T.N.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Pet Peeves
Anyone who remotely knows the Kitty Bish knows that there are many pet peeves that could go on this list, hell, FTN! was basically started off of the simple concept of being able to say fuck that confidently to all of those things. Some are more serious then others, some get under my skin a bit quicker, some are based on the Kitty Bishes existance alone and some are outside elements too annoying to ignore, either way...FTN! to all of that...
- Girls who cant admit they masturbate. Listen here ladies, if you dont, you should, that shit is healthy. And no one can fuck you like you can. Get in touch with yourself, its really a kickass relationship, never have to ask how anyone else is feeling, can take up the whole bed doing it and you can go as fast or slow, last as long or as short as you wanna and the end result is always the same, if you touch it, you will cum. There is no shame in this.
- Anyone with more then ten letters in their name. If you have a number in your name, I especially hate you. I think I've touched based on this before but you just refuse to die already so I feel the need to remind you. Being "Peaches&Creme2 Boucher" makes you fucking lame. Was Peaches&Creme1 taken? Ironically, some other moron thought of that exact same name? You should both choke on a peach, like...five minutes ago.
- ANYONE who uses "thats so gay" as a way to say "thats so bad." I hate these people, loathe. And if you dont find this offensive, feel free to replace it with a color, race, gender, creed and get my drift. Its ugly and though people can be as ugly as they want to be, we all have our moments, this is a "you got beat with the ugly stick moment" that isnt easily forgivable. I might end up liking Peaches&Creme2 Boucher if she is actually interesting, cant, on the other hand, like the loser who uses "thats so gay." Thats just asshat verbage.
- Any stripper who includes the words "wet" and their genitals in the same sentence when performing. Shake those titties girl but feel free to keep your wet vagina off the stage. Dont rub your stiff penis against the pole and please dont wag your plump anus at me. This makes me nausceous.
- Complimenting my choice in clothing is fine. Saying you like my look, kudos. I know Im pretty damn smexy, I dont blame you. But please, take a whopping two seconds and think of something better then "you make that scarf look magical." Do I look like fucking Aladdin, is there a fucking carpet ride next? You are offically a dipshit and I hate your face.
- People who send random pictures to you without involving it in a discussion beforehand. The ineviatble question will arise..."how do I look," and because you gave me no fair warning, I am forced to tell the truth, because lying takes me at least five seconds to work out. Why do people ask "How do I look?" Because you dont really want to know, you want to hear..."omfg you look amazing." So feel free to set up this unwarrented Q&A session with "dont I look fabulous and if you dont say yes Ill pout pathetically and then remove you from my friendship roladex."
- Flip floppers. Either you like her or you dont. Get with it people. This goes for girls too. Just make up your mind. If you dont, let it go and move the fuck on. If you do, say something now because no one is gonna chase anyone around here, at least no one I know and I only know smexy bishes. Cuz thats how I roll.
- Fair Weathers. This is the friend that either A. only wants to talk to you when things are perfect for you but doesnt give you the time of day when things arent so swell or B. abuses the friendship gesture on the other spectrum and only talks to you when they need to say just how much they hate their life because their cat died and their ovaries wont stop bleeding and they ran out of lube so their asshole really does burn. Seriously...get it together.
- People who act like they know you because you hang in the same perimeter. No bitch, we aint friends, you lucky Im even letting you breathe my air right now.
- Anyone who thinks pachulli is a good scent.
- Hating me because someone in your crew hates me. This makes you a sheep. Feel free to get to know me and I will definitely be glad to give you a reason to hate me, one that you can savor all on your own.
- Anyone who tps and lands on me and doesnt immedietely fucking move. I know a Kitty Bish is the most pussy youve gotten close to in heaven knows how long but Im not volunteering.
- People who quote other peoples opinions about them to get you to see they are good people. I dont give a flying fuck if Princess Di thought you was the shit. The Dali Lama coulda been your homie...we aint friends so their opinion dont mean squat. And even if me and Dali were fuck buddies, I still wouldnt take his word for it. You want me to think you're hot shit, show me something and something quick, a bish got things to do.
I am no longer in the mood to write anything so that is all. And I would just like to point out to my FTNers that you lazy bastards dont leave comments or send me any new FTN! moments so either you are in the group to have a tag with the word FUCK in it or you just aint interested. Either way, I can only write this shit for myself for so long before I too will get bored. If I dont hear squat, Ill assume you people are wiping your ass with these words versus getting anything out of them. This is an active group so feel free participate or FTN! to you too. And PS - if you are wiping, its FRONT TO BACK! Kbye! FTN til the end!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Puncturing An Artery
All good things come to those who wait. I think you've waited long enough. Now is an opportune time to touch base on a pivotal nugget of information.
Just a couple of nights ago, the restless Kitty Bish was informed of an enlightening and ever so humorous slew of events. But for you to understand the magnitude to which these events are important, you have to know a little story. Grab some popcorn...
Ready? Okayyyy
There once was a white haired cunt that we'll call Wayla. Now this ghetto bootied hoe must've been smoking the bad cheeba because she actually fell for a grotesque illiterate bastard, we'll call him Dork. These two had some mushy ass romance way back, I still think she was drugged, but their story and connection ended a very long time ago (over a year). I guess Mr. Speak and Spell felt all lonely and needy so he and his little winkie decided to move on to squishy pastures, which is where Im sure he met the cow he is with now...we'll call this thing Lisper. Weyla moved on like a smart hoe. (She is definitely not in the Walmart category of hoeism). Ms. Lispy apparently has yet to do so, then again, I cant blame her since being with Mr. No Brain Dead Beat Man Boob Loser Extraordinaire must be some work.
Now my little petunias, you must be wondering, "Oh great FTN! Kitty Bish, why do you bless us with such a story?" - And if you dont, I kill your face. My dear beloved FTNers, it has come to light that people just dont know when to let the past be the past. Just the other night, an alt of no recognition left a fellow FTNer (Thats Leyla if your moronic ass missed the Weyla/Leyla thingy...keep up people!) an offline.
Now this offline was a copy and paste of the cows (thats Lisper whos real name is Whisper BTW) profile. I feel the need to share this and since "someone" felt the need to send it to Leyla in such a pussified care package as an offline (yes, lets wait for her to be gone before we bulk up...under an alt -.- ) I see no reason to not share it with you. And so it said *ahem*
Titled - The Game That Is Secondlife
"Smiles Knowingly....So now that no one cares or is looking...I will say it...****I WIN**** OMG did I win...mmhmmm." End Note
*gags and pukes and feels her braincells jumping ship on this one*
-.-
Could there be any bigger of a miscalculation on this heffers part? Please tell me what the incentive was on sending this to the white haired cunt? Another bag of Funyuns? A double cheeseburger? A soda pop, I mean really...you won? Thats just pitiful. I dont know about the rest of you, but last I checked, if I was super happy, I sure wouldnt have the time, nor wish to spend it if I did on tracking down my mans ex, getting all up on the alt, copying, pasting, sending this lame shit out and then of course, standing by to see a reaction. You think this is happiness? WRONG! Face it, you're bored, I would be too, Ive seen him. Maybe he took too long getting off the short bus, maybe you got tired driving it. Who the hell knows, but in all actuality, there isnt a thing you could post, say, do to show you're happy except...SHUT THE FUCK UP! This would also make the rest of us happy as well.
"Now no one cares or is looking"
Along with sending an offline, this statement will hereby offically be labeled your self proclamation of being a pussy. Of course no one is looking or cares, I do believe fecal matter gets more coverage on a weekly basis then the sight of your face or the dysfunctional ramblings of that odd shaped mouth of yours. But kudos to you for finally being seen, it only took one year, an alt, an offline and oh who the hell knows how many hours of chugging some hard liquor to effectively stimulate those beer goggles you call your perception. It it with deep sympathy that I look down at you, yes down because there isnt a shadow of a doubt in my mind that I am and always will be better than you, and say this...get.a.fucking.clue. But thank you for throwing yourself into the spotlight, Ive always wanted to know what regurgitated horse shit looks like.
The biggest laugh of all...you win? Really? Now, what exactly did you win? What was this grand prize you boast of? Thats like gloating you won a broken McDonalds toy, which is where you'll probably be eating all of your dinners here on out with his broke ass. You should be so proud.
Oh yes, this is a personal attack. This is the Kitty Bish saying a little too much a little too soon but you know something, FTN! I dont judge anyones existance. You want to mix your 1st and 2nd life, thats your biz. You want to rp til your eyes bleed, you want to mix, double dip, suck on brain candy, find friends, fill a void, be inspired, I DONT CARE! To each their own. I give out the same amount of respect on that front as I expect and rightfully demand. The bone I have to pick is someone who obviously did take it outside of the box and yet cant just fucking die already, wanting to try to fuel an unlightable fire in a world that should be solely for peoples enjoyment.
I'd whisper but only cowards fuck with that nonsense, so Ill say this one loud and clear, you wanna play the hardcore chick, be prepared to back your shit up and dont wait a year. Pobrecita..you waited a fucking year. This is me laughing at you because you fail. Feel free to spend some more nights contemplating how you will try to inflict a wound on the white haired cunt. She is currently in dispose but I would be glad to say a few choice words to irrational, irresponsible, irritating and quite frankly annoying as fuck individuals.
You see, we pick out battles here at FTN! and one battle stands the test of time. This circle right here is like family to me and that is the one thing I would be glad to puncture an artery for. Im sure Leyla would feel almost sad for you but she too has moved on to much bigger and much better things. Quite frankly, I think rather than talking shit, you really should be sending her flowers and thank yous, shes been there done that and trained the little shit as much as she could along the way. Though some dogs really should just be put down, never can get them to buck up.
FTNers, I say this as genuinely as is possible for the Kitty Bish, when dealing with cowards like these, people who could actually fail at being malicious, you want to take pity. You want to throw them a bone. This is mine. When dealing with people who mix for the sake of mixing, be prepared to deal with people who dont realize you have a life outside of this existance we call SL. Not everyone mixes, some people are just untouchable. Enjoy them for what they are, for what they do share with you, and if that be the body that is in front of you, a segment of the mind they are willing to divulge, feel honored. Do not shame me by trying to coax or trying to start drama when they have obviously moved on to better things. This makes you sad. The white haired cunt is free game, go postal for all I care. That entity can manage and probably enjoys the fight. But the one behind it...that one is untouchable. You couldnt compare, not even if you spent a lifetime trying. Not in a 2nd, a 3rd, a 16th life coming back as the ultimate could you compare. So give it a rest, its old, its ugly and gosh darn it, you look like a tard.
Complete Moronic Fugly Dead Beats and The Saggy Twat Faces Who Worship Them Because Their Both Highly Codependant And Extremely Low And Someone HAS To Be The Next Bowel Movement Of The Earth...On the next GERALDO!
F.T.N!
P.S. Ill be looking for my offline. I fucking dare you.
*Giggles* Now I Win =)
Just a couple of nights ago, the restless Kitty Bish was informed of an enlightening and ever so humorous slew of events. But for you to understand the magnitude to which these events are important, you have to know a little story. Grab some popcorn...
Ready? Okayyyy
There once was a white haired cunt that we'll call Wayla. Now this ghetto bootied hoe must've been smoking the bad cheeba because she actually fell for a grotesque illiterate bastard, we'll call him Dork. These two had some mushy ass romance way back, I still think she was drugged, but their story and connection ended a very long time ago (over a year). I guess Mr. Speak and Spell felt all lonely and needy so he and his little winkie decided to move on to squishy pastures, which is where Im sure he met the cow he is with now...we'll call this thing Lisper. Weyla moved on like a smart hoe. (She is definitely not in the Walmart category of hoeism). Ms. Lispy apparently has yet to do so, then again, I cant blame her since being with Mr. No Brain Dead Beat Man Boob Loser Extraordinaire must be some work.
Now my little petunias, you must be wondering, "Oh great FTN! Kitty Bish, why do you bless us with such a story?" - And if you dont, I kill your face. My dear beloved FTNers, it has come to light that people just dont know when to let the past be the past. Just the other night, an alt of no recognition left a fellow FTNer (Thats Leyla if your moronic ass missed the Weyla/Leyla thingy...keep up people!) an offline.
Now this offline was a copy and paste of the cows (thats Lisper whos real name is Whisper BTW) profile. I feel the need to share this and since "someone" felt the need to send it to Leyla in such a pussified care package as an offline (yes, lets wait for her to be gone before we bulk up...under an alt -.- ) I see no reason to not share it with you. And so it said *ahem*
Titled - The Game That Is Secondlife
"Smiles Knowingly....So now that no one cares or is looking...I will say it...****I WIN**** OMG did I win...mmhmmm." End Note
*gags and pukes and feels her braincells jumping ship on this one*
-.-
Could there be any bigger of a miscalculation on this heffers part? Please tell me what the incentive was on sending this to the white haired cunt? Another bag of Funyuns? A double cheeseburger? A soda pop, I mean really...you won? Thats just pitiful. I dont know about the rest of you, but last I checked, if I was super happy, I sure wouldnt have the time, nor wish to spend it if I did on tracking down my mans ex, getting all up on the alt, copying, pasting, sending this lame shit out and then of course, standing by to see a reaction. You think this is happiness? WRONG! Face it, you're bored, I would be too, Ive seen him. Maybe he took too long getting off the short bus, maybe you got tired driving it. Who the hell knows, but in all actuality, there isnt a thing you could post, say, do to show you're happy except...SHUT THE FUCK UP! This would also make the rest of us happy as well.
"Now no one cares or is looking"
Along with sending an offline, this statement will hereby offically be labeled your self proclamation of being a pussy. Of course no one is looking or cares, I do believe fecal matter gets more coverage on a weekly basis then the sight of your face or the dysfunctional ramblings of that odd shaped mouth of yours. But kudos to you for finally being seen, it only took one year, an alt, an offline and oh who the hell knows how many hours of chugging some hard liquor to effectively stimulate those beer goggles you call your perception. It it with deep sympathy that I look down at you, yes down because there isnt a shadow of a doubt in my mind that I am and always will be better than you, and say this...get.a.fucking.clue. But thank you for throwing yourself into the spotlight, Ive always wanted to know what regurgitated horse shit looks like.
The biggest laugh of all...you win? Really? Now, what exactly did you win? What was this grand prize you boast of? Thats like gloating you won a broken McDonalds toy, which is where you'll probably be eating all of your dinners here on out with his broke ass. You should be so proud.
Oh yes, this is a personal attack. This is the Kitty Bish saying a little too much a little too soon but you know something, FTN! I dont judge anyones existance. You want to mix your 1st and 2nd life, thats your biz. You want to rp til your eyes bleed, you want to mix, double dip, suck on brain candy, find friends, fill a void, be inspired, I DONT CARE! To each their own. I give out the same amount of respect on that front as I expect and rightfully demand. The bone I have to pick is someone who obviously did take it outside of the box and yet cant just fucking die already, wanting to try to fuel an unlightable fire in a world that should be solely for peoples enjoyment.
I'd whisper but only cowards fuck with that nonsense, so Ill say this one loud and clear, you wanna play the hardcore chick, be prepared to back your shit up and dont wait a year. Pobrecita..you waited a fucking year. This is me laughing at you because you fail. Feel free to spend some more nights contemplating how you will try to inflict a wound on the white haired cunt. She is currently in dispose but I would be glad to say a few choice words to irrational, irresponsible, irritating and quite frankly annoying as fuck individuals.
You see, we pick out battles here at FTN! and one battle stands the test of time. This circle right here is like family to me and that is the one thing I would be glad to puncture an artery for. Im sure Leyla would feel almost sad for you but she too has moved on to much bigger and much better things. Quite frankly, I think rather than talking shit, you really should be sending her flowers and thank yous, shes been there done that and trained the little shit as much as she could along the way. Though some dogs really should just be put down, never can get them to buck up.
FTNers, I say this as genuinely as is possible for the Kitty Bish, when dealing with cowards like these, people who could actually fail at being malicious, you want to take pity. You want to throw them a bone. This is mine. When dealing with people who mix for the sake of mixing, be prepared to deal with people who dont realize you have a life outside of this existance we call SL. Not everyone mixes, some people are just untouchable. Enjoy them for what they are, for what they do share with you, and if that be the body that is in front of you, a segment of the mind they are willing to divulge, feel honored. Do not shame me by trying to coax or trying to start drama when they have obviously moved on to better things. This makes you sad. The white haired cunt is free game, go postal for all I care. That entity can manage and probably enjoys the fight. But the one behind it...that one is untouchable. You couldnt compare, not even if you spent a lifetime trying. Not in a 2nd, a 3rd, a 16th life coming back as the ultimate could you compare. So give it a rest, its old, its ugly and gosh darn it, you look like a tard.
Complete Moronic Fugly Dead Beats and The Saggy Twat Faces Who Worship Them Because Their Both Highly Codependant And Extremely Low And Someone HAS To Be The Next Bowel Movement Of The Earth...On the next GERALDO!
F.T.N!
P.S. Ill be looking for my offline. I fucking dare you.
*Giggles* Now I Win =)
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
FREE CLINIC
For the easily offended...run while you can.
We've seen em, we've heard em. Those damn bellies. Okay ladies, this ones for you. What the fuck is your major malfunction. Dont get me wrong, you want to rock out in your own way, I surely dont hate. I be a kitty and I likey it as such. But involuntary conversations with your fetus is not my cup of tea. This sort of reminds me of a girl I knew who shall remain nameless who rocked out with the talking butthole. Your belly is officially in the same category as a winking chatty anus.
So maybe its cute for like a day. If that. But then I start hearing details about your excess baggage I care not to know. Did your fetus just fart and why is it doing the macarena? Aww, it just pooed a little...into your lower intestine. Why do I care?
Dont even get me started on the strippers who rock the pole while their little baby to be waves at every sleazy motherfucker who comes into the club. Isnt that why you are knocked up in the first place, because your dirty cooch was too close to the pole?
The talking belly is just about as cute as seeing someone squeeze open one of their herpes sores and licking it. Did you just gag? WELL YOU SHOULD because its gross! Just gross and I hereby label today ANTI-TALKING BELLY FETUS BABY DAY!
Thanks to a fellow FTN! member, FTN! will officially be doing our part to stop the madness. For just FREE 99, yep you heard me, FREE 99! For that unmistakably low price, all members of FTN! will gladly relieve you of the waste that is the talking belly. We offer many options for removal. Feel free to peruse the menu.
Package A - A good old fashioned kick to the talking belly. Mild pain and not guarenteed but well worth a try if you are a first timer.
Package B - A select few stabs with rusty ice picks delivered by our team of experts. These are pros so dont you worry youre pretty little head. Bleeding may occur but look on the bright side, this will give you a new excuse to fix up that damned shape of yours, ya look like you're hiding a bag of potatos in your girdle.
Package C - (My personal favorite) A few swift kicks and stabs to your face to remind you just how stupid it is for you to have a talking belly to begin with, followed by three consecutive sessions of being run over by an SUV while simultaneously being set on fire. Oh and the boyfriend/hubby/partner and or random guy who splooged in your cooch to cause this horrific incident is not left out. He will enjoy a nice breaking of the peen, twice while being forced to watch the entire first season of The Brady Bunch.
Here at FTN! we are all about family. Just not yappy annoying gassy ones who havent even popped out yet and totally interfere with us getting out fuck on in public places! That is all. Happy to help.
We've seen em, we've heard em. Those damn bellies. Okay ladies, this ones for you. What the fuck is your major malfunction. Dont get me wrong, you want to rock out in your own way, I surely dont hate. I be a kitty and I likey it as such. But involuntary conversations with your fetus is not my cup of tea. This sort of reminds me of a girl I knew who shall remain nameless who rocked out with the talking butthole. Your belly is officially in the same category as a winking chatty anus.
So maybe its cute for like a day. If that. But then I start hearing details about your excess baggage I care not to know. Did your fetus just fart and why is it doing the macarena? Aww, it just pooed a little...into your lower intestine. Why do I care?
Dont even get me started on the strippers who rock the pole while their little baby to be waves at every sleazy motherfucker who comes into the club. Isnt that why you are knocked up in the first place, because your dirty cooch was too close to the pole?
The talking belly is just about as cute as seeing someone squeeze open one of their herpes sores and licking it. Did you just gag? WELL YOU SHOULD because its gross! Just gross and I hereby label today ANTI-TALKING BELLY FETUS BABY DAY!
Thanks to a fellow FTN! member, FTN! will officially be doing our part to stop the madness. For just FREE 99, yep you heard me, FREE 99! For that unmistakably low price, all members of FTN! will gladly relieve you of the waste that is the talking belly. We offer many options for removal. Feel free to peruse the menu.
Package A - A good old fashioned kick to the talking belly. Mild pain and not guarenteed but well worth a try if you are a first timer.
Package B - A select few stabs with rusty ice picks delivered by our team of experts. These are pros so dont you worry youre pretty little head. Bleeding may occur but look on the bright side, this will give you a new excuse to fix up that damned shape of yours, ya look like you're hiding a bag of potatos in your girdle.
Package C - (My personal favorite) A few swift kicks and stabs to your face to remind you just how stupid it is for you to have a talking belly to begin with, followed by three consecutive sessions of being run over by an SUV while simultaneously being set on fire. Oh and the boyfriend/hubby/partner and or random guy who splooged in your cooch to cause this horrific incident is not left out. He will enjoy a nice breaking of the peen, twice while being forced to watch the entire first season of The Brady Bunch.
Here at FTN! we are all about family. Just not yappy annoying gassy ones who havent even popped out yet and totally interfere with us getting out fuck on in public places! That is all. Happy to help.
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