~FTN~

Moved

2010-03-22T20:36:00.001-07:00

This blog is officially closed. If you would like to stay updated, find the group in world for an add to be included on the new site. Mad love ftners!

Weight A Minute

2010-03-06T20:33:00.000-08:00

This is my fuck you face. -.-

When the fuck did everyone else become the god damn police about how much someone else should weigh. Mind you, this bitch (that would be me outside of SL) just had a baby...a month ago.

Things you dont say/do to a pregnant woman...FYI since you nasty bitches didnt seem to know this when the girl was carrying her baby:

oooooo, you have twins? No bitch, Im just fat!
Wow, you look...good. No bitch, Im fat!
Oh you'll lose all that before you know it. WHAT THE FUCK IS "ALL THAT." Are you gesturing to my fat ass or the round belly which is A CHILD!
You should do - insert workout here- Hey, you should shut the fuck up.
Ask if I have stretch marks - no bitch, I dont. You wanna hate now or later?

Things you dont say/do to a woman who has JUST had a child - for you assclowns that keep sending me emails:

Recommend a diet - I like my pretty fat ass thank you very much so back the fuck up!
Ask how much I weigh and comment with "Dont worry, it wont last" - Do I look worried? This middle finger pointed up at you isnt my worried gesture, its my you better get the fuck outta my face gesture with all that noise.
Try to make me feel guilty when you order a salad and I order a cheeseburger - I am sorry you fucking graze the fields but I am not a god damned rabbit.
Say "I hate you," when you find out how much I do weigh because Ive finally told you so you will go away. Do you hate me? really? Dear me, Im so fucking sorry I just happen to have a fast fucking metabolism. How bout you blame your fucking sloth of a mother and father. Genetics mamita...not my problem.
Say stupid shit like "Enjoy it while it lasts," why yes, yes I will. All while strutting my shit.

If your fat, rock out your fat ass. If your skinny, rock them bones. If you got it, show it off and rub it down. And fuck the noise people make. Im so pretty I'd fuck myself. Thats all I need to know. Now shoo, Im busy.

Rise And Shine And FTNs

2010-02-23T03:36:00.001-08:00

Realizing you haven't seen the rerun of one of your favorite shows that just so happens to be coming on as you plan to go to bed.

Remembering to take out the garbage as you roll over to hear the garbage truck drive past your house.

Having a dog that decides to eat a rock. Seriously...an entire rock. Whole.

Feeling extremely dirty while eating an extra brownie when you know you shouldn't.

Eating the extra brownie anyway.

That crusty ball of lotion that first comes out when you reopen a lotion bottle you haven't used in awhile. Can lotion get boogers?

Spell-check telling you "boogers" isn't a word. Oh yes it is, fucker!

People who bring an animal to stay at your house only to tell you afterward the little buck toothed rat has fleas. I hate your face! And your little dog too!

Lighting the wrong end of your cigarette...when it's the last one you've got...and theres a snow storm outside so you can't go get anymore. HELP!

People who do this: "Hi"....No, that's it. They just say hi.

Pilgrims. Just because I said so.

Where the fuck did the Sunday comics go? They use to be funny. Now that shit don't make no sense. Marmaduke...come back and be funny god damn it!

Curling. I don't understand it for shit but damn if I don't have to watch it. Brush that ice woman, brush it! Wait...it's on ice right?

Having a total Jessica Simpson moment:

"Do you even know who Sacajawea is?"

Me: "Um yeah, she was the Indian. I'm Sacajawea."

"Okay then I'm Louis and Clark."

Me: "So you're a hermaphrodite?"

(I am not proud to say that this was an actual conversation I had very recently...Sue me...I thought he said Lois and Clark...Like from Superman...I swear I'm not dumb...oh go to hell!)

Having to explain to someone that there actually is crab in Crab Ragoon. (Hah, fuck you, I think that's worse than my Louis and Clark blunder so bite me.)

Buying a bag of 'Munchies' just to eat the pretzels.

Easter commercials coming out February 15th.

Being awake at 5:53am for no fucking reason AT ALL!

F.T.N!

THE BEST MESSAGE EVER!!!!!

2010-02-22T19:19:00.000-08:00

Why don't people send me more shit like this? This is what I live for!

Storyteller: so this chick and I were talking last night about her ex in sl and they had a prim baby right well the guy gets crazy and starts to yell at her for not being on when she said and accusing her of cheating on him in rl crazy shit just going bat shit crazy on her

Storyteller: so she decides to end it

Storyteller: no comes the custody of the baby

[19:18] Shasta Chambers: ....

Storyteller: well they both paid half so the sensible thing is for her to ask him to pay her for her half because he wants the baby well he says "Just give me my damn baby I am going to kill this av and I want my baby to go with me"

[19:18] Shasta Chambers: ....

[19:18] Shasta Chambers: IM SO PUTTING THAT ON THE BLOG!

Storyteller: lmfao

Storyteller: I knew you would

[19:18] Shasta Chambers: that is the best!

Storyteller: I know right!

[19:19] Shasta Chambers: dude...thats sickly awesome

[19:19] Shasta Chambers: I wanna meet this guy

[19:19] Shasta Chambers: is he dead

[19:19] Shasta Chambers: did he kill him and his baby off?

Storyteller: no apparently he is alive and well and the baby is in inventory purgatory somewhere because the chick was so freaked out she made another avatar

[19:20] Shasta Chambers: I LOVE IT!

If that's not good stuff, I just don't know what is.

Oh No You Didn't, Playboy

2010-02-22T05:13:00.000-08:00

Lesson for the day: Ask and ye shall receive. In bountiful numbers.

I said a prayer to the FTN Gods to keep the juices flowing, keep me busy with things to discuss, as this is by far more amusing for me than anyone I know. But dear fucking Vishnu, did you have to open the floodgates of stupidity?

Let me make this very clear, really emphasize it so there is no mistake: partnerships are a waste of time. No one ever intends to stay partnered, it's just something to do for the moment. If I genuinely thought people meant to ever stay partnered, I might think otherwise. But ask yourself, how many people do you know who have been partnered...to the same person...more than once...twice...six times? Having said that, I am still happy for those that seek it.

If you read the last post, you would know that my dear friend Poison was looking forward to planning a wedding to a guy that has yet to pop the question. Well...apparently, something in his dreams told him today was the day. And what did this guy who my friend is so smitten with decide to do to make that moment so extra special? Did he take her to some beautiful secluded location and get down on one knee? NO! Did he leave a ring for her to find atop her pillow? NO! Did he take her dancing, to slip a ring on her finger as he dipped her to the music? NO!

This fucking genius decided it should go something like this...and I quote;

"Marry be baby," and passed her a ring.

Soak that in for a minute. Who does that?

Why does the "baby," make me feel extra dirty...and he didn't even propose to me. Here's a clue for anyone planning on popping that ill fated yet inevitable question: don't be a dickwad and don't half ass it. Go big or go home. Put a little thought into it.

I have officially lost yet another ounce of faith in the essence of romance supposedly found in mankind. Apparently, sweeping your girl...no matter how skanky she is (love you Poi) is out of the question these days huh? Not that I'm into that shit because that would definitely be anti-FTN! But if I were into the muckiness of said romance...WHERE THE FUCK IS IT?

Here's a clue. Free of charge. DON'T bother if you don't care enough to do it right. You fucking assclowns.

FTN! to doing it the wrong way. And yes, it's the wrong way because I fucking said so. And because my friend deserves more than that. That is all.

You're Invited!!!

2010-02-21T20:58:00.000-08:00

Want to hear a secret? Poi is getting partnered/married. Well, it's not a secret anymore. Not to you and I at least. But it is to...Oh, I don't know...THE GUY SHE IS PARTNERING. This schmuck has no clue she's gonna tie him down forever...for-everrrrr...FOR-EV-ER! Sick, aint it?

But I'm a good friend. Despite that bitch only being a 5 on my friendship scale. (You see the abuse I put up with?) Being the good friend that I am, what a lucky girl she is to have me by the way, I decided I would help her out with this little plot to catch the man. I'm all about torturing people and what better way to do so than to force his unaware ass into eternal damnation i.e partnership. EXACTLY. So you know this little scheme is my favorite cup o' tea. Sip sip bitches.

[20:48] Poison Ferrentino: ooo you should see my wedding invite it's pretty lmao

So I say: "Hey snatch, do me a favor and send me one of those fabulous fucking invites you wont stop yapping about." So she does. She likes it when I call her snatch so don't get all bitchy about it.

Do you know with this trifling hot mess gives me?

[20:55] Poison Ferrentino gave you Premade scripted wedding invitation.

A BLANK....let me repeat that...BLANK!!!! PREMADE SCRIPTED WEDDING INVITE! I can't make this shit up. Poi...my dearest skanky droopy lipped homie...seriously? I love you but did the welfare check come late this week? I told you if you needed money, I could take you to BJ's and you could trade some lovin' for some food stamps. In turn, I know some people who would trade some of your stamps for some invites. Do you listen to me? NO! NO YOU DONT YOU DEAF, HALITOSIS INFECTED, CHAPPED VAGGY LIP! You just dont listen.

But don't fret. Your one and only is here to help because this wedding is going to happen if I have to round up every jerry curled hobo I know to be your bridesmaids and perform the ceremony myself. Come to think of it...that isnt such a bad idea. (Writes that down for a future post.)

Since your invites are blank, I thought I'd come up with a couple of options. Just call me Hallmark.

OPTION 1

"Roses are red, violets are blue

He has no idea

He'll soon say 'I do.'

Hey Fucker, you're invited"

FREE TUNES AND BEER

(Tunes and beer are why everyone will come so it should really be at the top.)

OPTION 2

"Two hands, two hearts, one love forever...

or until I departner him for the next pinhead with a bigger house.

Hey Fucker, you're invited."

FREE TUNES AND BEER

OPTION 3

"The wedding bells will ring quite soon, for I have set a date.

I'm hoping that you'll be there to help me celebrate.

He better say "I do," we better tie the knot

If he ever wants to get head again or ever see my twat.

Hey Fucker, you're invited."

FREE TUNES AND BEER

OPTION 4

"To his face, he is the matching piece to my puzzle.

Behind his back, I want a prenup and a muzzle.

Hey Fucker, You're invited."

FREE TUNES AND BEER

I personally like number 3 but that's just me. Weddings suck unless I get to corrupt them. Then...they are just good times!

To ordinary invites and ordinary weddings...FTN!

Stay tuned, the ever unfolding saga of Poi's not so secret anymore wedding will continue after these messages from our local sponsor...

And Your Score Is...

2010-02-21T19:13:00.000-08:00

Hey Poi...I don't care who you are...shitting your pants is not impressive, sexy or interesting by any means.

Because you are officially a traitor and hanging like a dirty dingleberry (versus a clean dingleberry? um...Shut Up!) on someone else's sack...I am forced to evaluate your friendship as follows...

50 Points for breathing. (It's not like she breathes anything special but everyone has to start somewhere.

-10 Points for recording over my Law and Order episodes with her "Butt Busters 9" Pay Per View event.

+3 Points for not Pay Per Viewing "Clumpy Taints 7," again.

+2 Points for ordering Chicken and Pineapple Pizza

-11 Points for sitting on the couch while covered in Vaseline.

+17 Points for teaching me "The Frothy Walrus."

-21 Points for teaching me "The Loose Leaf Blower," and "Like-A-Monkey-Using-A-Stick-To-Pick-Its-Food." That was just fucked up!

+1 Point for not video taping "The Cambodian Creamsicle."

-6 Points for taking pictures of "Impacted Bananas."

-11 Points for that time you left me in the back of that car with those guys.

+10 Points for leaving the lube behind...for my behind. (I swear that one guy was an Anaconda.)

+3 Points for bringing me ice.

-5 Points for dry ice. (Moron!)

+10 Points for peeing on my leg when that jellyfish stung me.

-9 Points for peeing on me every other time.

+13 Points for buying me a new washer and dryer before the family reunion.

-14 Points for fucking my cousin on said dryer during said family reunion.

+27 Points for bailing me out of jail after I got busted with that bag of...tea.

-26 Points for giving the cops my name to get out of that DUI.

+10 Points for bringing me Chinese food that one time.

-9 Points for using my chop sticks to masturbate.

+11 Points for being that tight.

Total Friendship Score for Poison = 35 Points

Oh, I almost forgot!!!!

-30 Points for "The Double Kangaroo Sloppy Pocky." (You thought I forgot about that, didn't you? Nasty!)

Total Friendship Score for Poison (REDO) = 5 Points

FTN! For not hitting double digits! Skank.

P.S. Oral sex should never include Mustard, Horseradish or Maple syrup. No matter what Poi tells you!

Dirty Diaper

2010-02-13T13:07:00.000-08:00

Don't be a hater. Another year has passed and the little man in a diaper is shooting arrows at your ass. Wait...a little man in a diaper. Oh that's just fucked up! Okay...hate away.

Another excuse for girls to be glorified hoes...you buy me a diamond necklace and you'll get head tonight, guys to be pimps...I give you this diamond necklace, I better get head tonight, lube overflowing like a broken toilet for those "I only do anal once a year" types, and flowers flying off the shelves.

Give me a moment, I'm still stuck on the guy with the diaper.

I hereby boycott Valentines Day until the chubby with a chubby in a diaper gets replaced by a slick, tall, muscular hunk of beef. THEN and only then can Cupid shoot his arrows at me...in me...on me...oh you get the picture.

FTN! to anyone who takes the day too seriously...have fun with it people! Oh and fuck the diaper dude!

TADA!!!

2010-01-30T10:37:00.000-08:00

My lovely FTNers! It's been awhile but things are back in motion and I'm feeling ever spunky today so here goes nothing.

Through much observation and some serious analysis, my team of experts and I have stumbled upon something that is either A. a diabolical scheme to annoy the shit out of me or B. a serious epidemic. Either way, I'm highly concerned. This possible epidemic is called "I Have A Complex," otherwise known as "You Swear Syndrome." Symptoms may include but are not limited to:

People who harbor their RL bias in a world where cats sit next to furries sitting next to home grown vampires who are right in front of badly constructed men wearing mom jeans. Rascism, sexism, homophobia, along with any other ignorant form of stereotyping and judgement, should be left in your RL. SL is a place where you can at least pretend to not be an ignorant asshole. Try it out. You might like it. YOU SWEAR
DJ's who lose their shit on air. Having a bad day? Don't like what someone said to you? Feel free to privately message them and say just that. More power to you. Rambling on like a sociopath while people are trying to listen to music: you're just an assclown and no one really cares. YOU SWEAR
Self-Proclomations. If you have to rant and rave about how much of an asshole/cunt/bitch/douchebag/gift from God/naughty slut you are...you aren't. You're boring. You're hoping someone will somehow be impressed/intimidated/interested/intrigued/moved to give a flying fuck and that my dear makes you the worst kind of attention whore. YOU SWEAR
Speaking of which...people who publicize their hatred for attention whores with clever lists in their profiles only to break their own rules and lead the pack of said hoes. YOU SWEAR
Anyone who has an outburst and then uses the typical, "I was intoxicated," excuse the following day. Listen, I know it's easier for some to huff and puff and make yourself sound like billy badass normally behind the protection of oh, I don't know...a fucking screen...but save the sad antics of highschool drinking-asshat actions for your family reunion. Take my advice and buy a breathalizer. You not hitting the legal limit? GO WATCH A MOVIE! Please spare the rest of us from your slurred stupidity. This also goes for girls who suddenly become freaky hoes when drinking. If you cant be a good hoe all the time, save the space for the dedicated few. You fucking imposter. YOU SWEAR
Psycho freaky mushy faced bitches who Jekyll and Hyde something major. Here's a clue. It's free. Take it. If you are rude to someone, they will stop talking to you. Probably not a clever thing to insult THEN ask to chat. Do you see where you went wrong? Hey moron, if you say "fuck off, dont talk to me," but you keep talking...you are officially pushed into the attention whore/dramatic anal leakage category. See numbers 3 and 4. Read slowly, feel free to highlight. YOU SWEAR
Boys....boys boys boys. Let me give you a fucking hint here. The dramatic push and pull away thing is outdated, overplayed, boring, stupid, and juvenile. Who does that shit anymore? Especially when you have such a kickass bish willing to be by your side. Okay maybe I'm biased but there aint no bitch in my fam who aint some fly ass shit so you should be grateful she's even looked at your mom jean rocking ogre ass. Count your fucking blessings and grovel. Grovel long and hard. YOU SWEAR
People who take themselves so god damn seriously. There's a crisis in Haiti. There are starving children in the world. Abused animals, victims of physical/emotional/mental abuse, Angelina is adopting all of Guam and half of Ethiopia, attempts to take away our freedoms and you fucks are really convinced your little menstrating sessions are really something of importance. Learn to take a joke. The world doesnt revolve around you. And hey, when you are gone...the world will keep moving. What a fucking shock huh? YOU SWEAR

None of us are perfect here and trust, Im the first to say I'm all sorts of jacked the fuck up. But this epidemic, Im now convinced its a sickness, is taking over and it's effects are deadly if not aggravating as fuck. Bottom line: get over yourself, have fun and if you can't....SHUT THE FUCK UP!

The self absorbed/obsessed/concerned...YOU SWEAR!

FTN BITCHES!

Randomly Random Randomness

2009-10-28T19:52:00.000-07:00

Random men who say stupid shit like "how you doing," with that snarky "I wanna fuck you," tone when opening a door for you. Its a fucking door dude, not a diamond necklace.

Having to go in the gas station to pay, why dont your fucking machines work out here?

Telemarketers...Im going to start calling you at work and asking if you want to hear my neest rendition of "Pokerface."

Having 500 channels and nothing to watch.

Cats that lick their assholes...all the time.

Swiffer Wet Jet...the jury is still out but I dont think I like you.

Spilling an entire cup of fruit punch on a brand new area rug...WTF!!!!!

Little things...FTN

Opinions

2009-10-16T21:14:00.001-07:00

In starting FTN, the kitty bish made the conscious choice to keep a voice that calls out things a kitty wouldnt like. These are solely my opinions and I dont expect anyone to agree with them, by any means. On that note...

I find it ironic when people play the passive aggressive role of depicting how others should exist. Really? Though I will make shout outs, do I really think its my spot to tell anyone what to do or not do? How to exist? Not in the least. I may have my opinions but I know we arent all the same and how we CHOOSE to spend our time is our CHOICE.

Ive met many people in my time in world. In that time, Ive seen people who are solely rlers, rpers, mixers, etc etc. Do I judge that or care? Nope. Im having too much fun on my own time to really worry about why you exist. What I do have a problem with are people who say they exist completely 100% real here.

Hello, Im a cat. Is the girl a cat in RL? Not likely and if so, the government would have my ass for testing. Do you really look like that in RL? Do you notice no one is old or overweight, flat chested or small dicked? No ones walking around in bummy clothes, though I know there are plenty of bums chilling daily. People with disabilities arent rocking their disabilities. No one does sign language though Im sure we've got some deaf people. Is your hair that color? Do you go to the supermarket dressed in string? Realistically, everyone is playing the fantasy to an extent, whether it is in how you talk, act, dress, live, whatever.

No one is better than anyone else. And if I choose not to divulge certain information while others feel mighty free to talk about themselves, thats fine by me. Does that make one more "real" of a person than the next? Keep thinking that. Yes, there are real people behind it all, there are emotions and feelings and wants and needs and all that jazz. In existing in world, we all make a choice to be whatever we want to be, a depiction of ourselves, who we were, who we want to be, our fantasy, our hope, our whatever.

Some people enjoy escapism, some people enjoy stepping outside of themselves, some people enjoy a fantasy, some people enjoy being creative in what they can and will do, some people enjoy being who they are 24/7. But before we cast stones at whos better or existing for the right reasons, ask yourself...what is the right reason for logging in to a pretend world and doing pretend things and hanging with other pretenders who in all actuality have families and jobs and lives and crimes and sins and pains and feelings and thoughts and actions that have absolutely nothing to do with this place?

Fun.

If thats why people exist, let them exist on their own terms, their own way, without being self righteous to judge or make proclamations of superiority. I dont know why people come by occassionally, daily, never leave. And to be quite honest, I dont much care. To each his/her own. If you could and did do everything you do here, you wouldnt be here. Youd be out there, doing what you do. So put the stones down, avoid the glass house and enjoy your time for whatever you want it to be. As I will enjoy mine.

This one will go without an official FTN because its an opinion I stand by and something thats probably bigger than an FTN persona.

Many blessings.

HEY FUCKFACE!!!!

2009-10-08T20:04:00.000-07:00

Lets pretend for a second...

You are a girl who just got dumped by her girlfriend.
You also just got dropped by your mom.

You im me because I care.

You use the exact words..."I want to die."

You proceed to tell me about said need for death.

You then say "So you good at shopping."

You plan a makeover to get over said girl you want to die over.

F.T.N.

YOU NEED HELP! Can you say demented? Do me a favor, teach out your hand. You know what that is? Not your girls face, not her tit, not her pretty wavy hair...ITS A SCREEN YOU JACKASS! Sure, you have some real feelings but shes a god damn cartoon you ungrateful fuck. If a cartoon bitch can make you talk about wanting to die to someone you barely talk to...YOU NEED SOME ZOLOFT! DEPAKOTE! A GUNSHOT TO THE GOD DAMN HEAD!

You are absolutely right, I am a bad person. Because I dont have pity or empathy for emo fucks who use their time to make people cry for them and care if they threaten to harm themselves because they want some god damn attention. Did your father not love you as a child? Is this my problem? Nope, sure aint so save the I wanna die shit for someone who gives a shit, like Dr. Phil.

Typical Moment? Yep!

2009-09-29T22:15:00.000-07:00

Guys who refer to a girl as a "nasty tongued vixen" AFTER they are rejected?

FTN!

Too funny. But your heads too small, your clothes suck and the gigalo act is really kinda boring. I kinda like the nasty tongue vixen thing though, I think Ill use that. But you are still an ugly little man.

LOL, thanks for the laugh and ftn moment.

NEWS AT 11!!!!!!!

2009-09-25T20:47:00.000-07:00

WE INTERUPT YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM FOR THIS LATE BREAKING NEW - POISON JUST HAD THE DIRTIEST NASTIEST RAUNCHIEST SEX KNOWN TO MAN, MONKEY AND DOLPHIN (you know flipper was a dirty freak with his scat fetish!) NOW WE SEND YOU OVER TO OUR VERY OWN KITTY BISH FOR THE LATEST DETAILS ON THIS TRIUMPHANT MOMENT IN POISONS COOTER HISTORY!

Why thank you Gunther. This is your on site reporter Kitty Bish coming to you live from the exact location where Tsunami Poisons Twat Juice first struck. Countless eye witnesses state the same story and I quote from this handy dandy notebook I stole from an episode of Blues Clues because Im cool like that...and it reads;

"I've never seen anything like it. First there was some dirty sanchez followed by rusty trombones which led into twisted cranes and a very sudden movement into the ever famous and painful foot up your ass. Im just baffled." Another stunned woman stated..."what will I tell my children!!! whyyyyyyyyy, dear god whyyyyyyy"

No one knows exactly what brought on this sudden attack of dick sucking cooter licking anal pong tossing pee hole brutality but one thing is clear, this is just the beginning of the insatiable attack we are now referring to as "Poisons Dick Fest '09"

The wind is picking up which is a tell tale sign of pussy farts on the horizon. He obviously plugged it too hard and pulled out way too quickly. Now Im going to get the hell out of here before Im engulfed by life threatening vaginal walls. This is Kitty Bish reporting live from Poisons couch. Back to you dickwads!

This newscast was brought to you by your FTN sponsers - Lady, Big Mac, Corvus, and Ammy. Oh and some sexy fly ass bitch named Me! Id do her!
ME: wooooo for Poison getting her sex on!
LADY: woot!!!!!!
LADY: lmao
ME: SUCK HARDER!
BIG MAC: WOOOOTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AMMY: all i get is ice cream
ME: TUG ON THE BALLS!
SEX MASTER POISON: lmfao
ME: OOO AMMY THINKS YOU SHOULD USE ICE CREAM
AMMY: lol
ME: see all she can do is laugh cuz her mouth is full
AMMY: why not
AMMY: and grapes
CORVUS: oh yeah totally!
ME: grapes for his grapes!
ME: sit on his face and give him the earmuffs
CORVUS: some of cheff's salty chocolate balls.. and some fudge um's!
ME: ooo salty balls for poison!
AMMY: omg
SEX MASTER POISON: omg
ME: damn corvus you got all detailedf and shit, you gotta be that graphic, what the hell is wrong with you there are kids in the room you god damn monger
SEX MASTER POISON: I can't stop laughing
ME: roflmao
ME: dont laugh too hard or youll bite down on princess sophia
AMMY: writes all this down
ME: USE A DIGITAL RUBBER SO YOU DONT GET DIGITAL ITCHIES
CORVUS: *laughs* no, but now i have to watch that eposide of south park :-P
ME: poi already had crabs this week
ME: rofl
ME: OKAY OKAY NO MORE COCK BLOCKING, IM HER IN 10 MINUTES AFTER THE GUY BUSTS!
ME: THAT IS ALL, CLASS DISMISSED
SEX MASTER POISON: lmfao

You Really Are Deranged

2009-09-18T10:50:00.000-07:00

Here's to people who never stop inspiring.

The Kitty Bish is dancing in a club, mind you, not surrounded by anyone she really knows except for one awesome lady (Love Ya Top). Would my night be of any interest if I didnt get a random message from some scum bag I stopped talking to a very long time ago? Of course not. Because if there werent stupid people, there would be no FTN! and without FTN! people wouldnt be entertained and puppies would have to be maimed (Thanks Poi).

Here's a clue. Just for any of the dimwitted freaks who so happen to inhabit the earth, sadly taking up space. Any comment about the girl or her life outside of the confines of the place you so see the Kitty Bish is never up for discussion. Comments about race will automatically get you blacklisted. Being so bold to attempt to talk to me now only shows your stupidity. And I feel sorry for you.

Lets make this really clear, really quickly, because apparently is wasnt clear the first time. My connection with any place does not dictate my reactions to moronic speech. I dont care if Im in a room of vamps or clowns, its all the fucking same to me. My stand on rascist commentary does no waver because of a title I wore in the past and does not waver now because I no longer hold that title.

Flattery gets you absolutely nowhere. Telling me "you were one of the cool people," just makes me laugh at you. You got banned from a place because you were an asshole, whether I was "family" back then or not. People stood by that choice and still do and telling me I should be over your rascist moment only clarifies to me one thing; people dont change. Some people are clearly lost to their own ignorance.

If you think, for a moment, that something only matters if I have people to back me...you are sadly mistaken. I dont need anyone to back me, no one to stand ground beside me or defend my name or nature. There are certain battles that just arent worth my energy, not even for a second and are easily dismissed. There are certain battles that deserve to be fought, perhaps pointless, but I'll do my part by not staying voiceless on the matter.

Crash, if you think being a rascist in any form of the word is something that can be easily dismissed by conducting such acts in a fantasy world, I am sad for you. If your fantasy is to only magnify the lack of braincells you really have, then so be it. But keep that noise to yourself. Its the ugliest form of human behavior and I can only send my condolescences for the people who have to breath your air.

FTN! to people who disgrace themselves in ignorance and further shame themselves in denial. Ugly is ugly, hope you see that soon enough.

No ATM Needed

2009-09-13T10:01:00.000-07:00

Heres a story for you...

There once a poor sad creepy man who liked to put out money to buy peoples time. For all his excuses, at the end of the day, offering sprees to anyone you rarely speak to is buying someone. The Kitty Bish didnt take the money mind you, despite peoples opinions, Im not a whore. Surprise surprise right? So the guy starts inviting the kitty to go to some formal dances, gets a little too caught up in memories of a dance had, oh I dont know, two years ago? He does the cheesy kiss on the cheek and the odd bowing randomly. The unfiltered flattery and the asking of personal information.

So the Kitty Bish decides, this is a little odd and should let it be known. When the hell do we bite our tongues here at FTN! Never, exactly. So, in a very polite way, again despite popular opinion, the Bish has manners, the feelings are voiced.

Mind you, advice was given by others to take the money and run. To engage in some pointless arm candy moment in order to take someones earned cash. Heres a rule of thumb, if you take money, very large sums of money or a roll of quarters (in case you are easy) in turn for sex, you's a hoe. If you take the same for dances, arm candy to events, talking, cuddling, standing, breathing next to someone who isnt a friend or spouse...guess what...yep! Yous a hoe.

So the guy says I got it all wrong. Its not like that and his first wife felt the same way, left him for being so generous with all of his islands which he lets people use and live on rent free because he is such a nice person blah blah blah. Yes, I get it. You are generous. But whats the difference between generosity and buying affection and company? Oh I know. You dont know me.

Sure, go to the salvation army and donate some stuff. Doesnt mean you are a needy pervert buying people. But if you expect those poor people to go out with you or accept uninvited kisses or comments (I.E. "where do you live, city state location?") then yes, you are a weirdo.

So the guy says he's sorry. Does the really sad sigh thing and poofs. Convo over? I think not. If it were that easy, there would be no FTN! to write. So a little bit of time passes. And the guy, low and behold, comes back and comments..."after thinking about it, I dont know what I did wrong. I hope we can still be friends." But see, I dont have it all wrong. You pick random chicks to buy who so happen to end up as your partner or "special lady." I got the picture crystal clear.

Convo continues with "swoon, please. Your words get harsh over a kiss on the cheek." FYI swoon is not harsh. FYI, what random guy kisses me anywhere without an invite? FYI maybe what I deem acceptable is not the same as you. FYI apologizing for said unwanted kiss then saying its nothing is stupid and half assed. A kiss on the cheek is nothing to most. For me, you dont touch me without an invite. My close friends, they know the limits. Someone I have talked to maybe 5 times in two years...you have no room to be in my bubble, ever. You dont like my rules, tough fucking tittie. Which moves me to my next moment of clarity.

So I say the word "fucking" with a beautiful response of "I dont use language like you do." So I say, I use english. Im told to use better english..."do you need to curse to make a point." So I say You going to cry because I cursed. He says "no, just makes me think less of you."

Heres where I slice my wrists because my world has ended. Im not sure what planet you are from. But in my world, I can say whatever the FUCK I want. Not one single person is going to stifle me. Not one single person is going to school me on what to say or how to say it. If I want to say FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK I will. Apparently, this makes me less of a person. Now I must redeem myself. I know! Ill take some sad pathetic lonely ass mans money and then pretend like I give a flying fuck when he talks about Yanni and Amish country. This will make me better. Oh wait, I know. Ill take this suckers money and act like Im soooooo happy to waste my time with this chump all the while laughing at him for being the assclown that he is. This makes me good. No, wait, I got it! I will be a sheep and do exactly what you want me to do because everyone else does it and would do it. Then all the world will love me and I will be defined as a good person who is thought highly of.

NEWSFLASH: I.dont.care.what.you.think.of.me. Not blood or water, friend or foe can make me feel shitty. I am sorry you are that lonely. Im sorry you need to buy people. Im sorry you are just a really sad person. Im sorry you have tantrums when you dont get your way. Id be happy to hook you up with some trifling hoes I know of. They would be happy to take your money and grin at you. Because THAT is the true definition of woman. What a gentleman you are. Join the self proclaimers dear, one of the many.

People who try to buy affection...FTN!

Blast That Shit!

2009-09-13T07:44:00.000-07:00

"I see your dirty face hide behind your collar
What is done in vain
Truth is hard to swallow
So you pray to god
To justify the way you live
A lie, live a lie, live a lie
And you take your time
And you do your crime
Well you made your bed
Im in mine.

Now the sons disgrace
He, who knew his father
When he cursed his name
Turned and chased the dollar
But it broke his heart
So he stuck his middle finger
To the world
To the world
To the world
And you take your time
And you stand in line
Well youll get whats yours
I got mine.

...

I wish I could be
As cool as you
And I wish I could say
The things you do
But I cant and wont live a lie
Not this time."

Amen anyone?

Fucking Hysterical!

FTN to good music not being played more often. *Jams out*

Battlefield

2009-09-13T05:58:00.000-07:00

Guys who offer women money without knowing them from Adam (yes I said Adam because Im a televangelist, didnt you know.) Newsflash, women who take money for anything, whether it be sex, company, etc etc are whores. I know quite a few who would be thrilled to hop on that train, I just dont happen to be one of them. Next time, Ill take your money like a chump and then tell you Im not interested in the saddest forms of flattery and kisses. (I'll hit this one up later.)

Anyone who cant handle my speech. Dear Jehovah, forgive me for saying fuck to that poor creepy man (yes, I said Jehovah because I go door to door to save poor souls with my pamphlets and bicycle, didnt you know?) Fuck fuck fuckity fuck. How about you are a hypokrite (yes its spelled correctly, look it up). I say what I want to say, just how I want to say it. You dont like it, thats just fine. But you really should shut the fuck up.

Oh Buddha, help me to understand people who do stare downs like Im suppose to leave a place because they crowd around me (yes I said Buddha, I worship the round bellied little man, didnt you know?) Ive stayed in places much longer with people giving me dagger eyes but far too pussy to say anything directly to me because they have no real spine. Do you think a 20 minute stare down in a club is going to freak me out? I eat people like you for breakfast with a side of hash browns. You're going to have to do better then that to make me poof.

Anyone who expects me to do their shopping for them. Please, my little alien friends living deep inside of me, implanted in a field fallen from the sky, show me how to deal with these lazy bastards (Yes, Im a scientologist, I am in awe of my little alien controller, didnt you know?) I wouldnt go to the mall for you, I wouldnt do your grocery shopping, I surely wont search for you either. Go away kid, you're annoying me and your mother was a whore.

People who can only appreciate you when you do as they say. Better yet, people who love the "creative, outspoken mind" until its ouspoken against them. Dear baby jesus in a tutu atop a mountain giving moses his dairy products (Yes, Im a good christian girl and I go to church every day and I tithe and I hate everyone who is not like me and I am better than you and I have the luxury of telling people they are damned because Im the shit, didnt you know?) Keep appreciating me while I keep the darkest of secrets. Feel free to claim oppression with an IOU to the world. Wow, Im already bored.

Ive done many things, princess diana dali llama tom cruise baby jesus buddha funk master flex, but being that much of an Ice Queen is beyond even me. So am I better than you, Ya damn right I am. Now spend the rest of your life trying to make up for your dirty little secrets. Play pompous. Hide behind stones but you should be behind bars. Forgive them father, for they know what exactly they've done and sick and twisted as they are, they find glory in getting away with it. Hah, what a fucking joke.

If I was religious, forgiveness would be an option. Its not. Proven daily. Apologies...hah, keep waitinggggg. Now thats a sermon Id go to church to hear. Can I get an amen, roflmao!!!!!!!!!

Im all about love but war is just fine with me. F.T.N!

Brush That Shit Off My Shoulders

2009-09-07T05:10:00.000-07:00

You will love me til I shout you out.
You will need me til I am of no use.
You will stay close until you can sense my loyalty
You will leave when I tell the truth.

FTN to being a pawn
FTN to lack of responsibility
FTN to losing loved ones
FTN to late night calls that change your life
FTN to people who swear they can use that one thing to demean everyone else
FTN to fake people who would shit on their own behind their backs
FTN to martyrs
FTN to wakes and funerals that cannot be attended
FTN to the heartless
FTN to the blind
FTN to the cold morphed sad souls who lost themselves along the way
FTN to people who treat others like a leper
FTN to people who think using my joy as an excuse is allowed
FTN to anyone who thinks Im in the mood to forgive
FTN to anyone who assumed Ill ever forget
FTN to people who think I should any longer give a flying fuck
FTN to people who would sell out their REAL fam.
FTN to the shady
FTN to the childish
FTN to the repeat offenders
FTN to the skeleton makers
FTN to ever loving such painful reminders of the truth
FTN for becoming where you came from
FTN for losing sight of where you wanted to go
FTN the tears, They wont bring anyone back
FTN the pain, Be strong for those that need you the most
FTN the malice, You cannot hurt what you do not know
FTN the deceit, I know the truth behind the facade, the mask, the bullshit
FTN to the act, BRAVO!
FTN to staying silent to corruption any longer
FTN to watching in blindness.
FTN to people who will never humble themselves
FTN to people who will be humbled by force sooner or later
FTN for the moment of pity I just felt
FTN for the innocent people caught in the mix.

Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life. Feel free to understand, I DONT CARE WHAT YOU THINK OF ME. TELL YOUR "FRIENDS" WHATEVER YOU NEED TO IN ORDER TO LOOK SUPERIOR. TELL YOURSELF THE SAME THING. I.DONT.GIVE.A.SHIT.

FTN to caring, hallelujah because now, I dont.

Unimpressed

2009-09-06T18:52:00.000-07:00

Disappointed in the human condition, it is with all of my body and breath that I shrug off conditional evaluations, critical connotations and the lack of respect for ones private institutions. Heaven only knows this one got twisted for convenience, just like everything else right? One would know the art of twisting fiction into fact, a life made on it. Holding grudges is easy to do and two can play at this game.

Lack of responsibility is appearing common and Id like to give kudos to cold hearts and single tracked minds. As the world is all about what matters most when it is of benefit. Hypocrisy now shines on deaf ears, whats good for the goose...no?

The world is bigger than ourselves. Just blips in time, events and people that wont matter much in years to come and yet, so fixated on the moment at hand. Continue to use my name when it does not belong. Ammunition to feed a fire that is not mine to nurture. Stifle rumors and drama but create and pass it just the same. But there is no programming needed. I know what I know and its clear as day. Not by words alone but simply by the default of actions.

I am water, the rest is yours to keep. Being demoted doesnt phase me. When Im needed again, there I will be. And it will be my turn to say "what do you want." Because apples dont fall far from trees. The heartless never change. A sad and sick truth. Redemption is just too little too late. Forgiveness is not nor will it ever be an option.

The change from bad to worse...FTN!

Weekly

2009-09-04T03:21:00.000-07:00

Even simple acts of noise can get under my skin, like a flesh crawling disease you'd get after fucking one of "those" girls. I say FTN! and Kill Em All!

Cats who meow at 5:22 in the motherfucking morning! I WILL NOT FEED YOU! WAIT THE FUCK UP!
Dogs who want to be let out to pee at 3:15 in the morning! WHO STARTED THIS SCHEDULE! THESE ANIMALS ARE HITLER INCARNATE!
Guys who say shit like "you remember 7 years ago when I wanted to hook up, I woulda tore it up." NEWSFLASH: THAT WAS 7 YEARS AGO. IF YOU'RE STILL THINKING ABOUT IT AND IM NOT...WHO WOULD HAVE TORE WHO UP? IM GLAD IVE BEEN APART OF YOUR WET DREAMS FOR SEVEN FUCKING YEARS, NOW SHUT UP AND GO GET ME A SODA.
People who drive 65 when the speed limit is 65. HERES A HINT: ITS ALWAYS AT LEAST 4 ABOVE SPEED LIMIT, I.E 35 = 39, 55 = 59, 65 = 69, 75 = 79...MAYBE 83 IF I REALLY WANNA GET THERE.
Anyone who charges 1K for 300 prims in a 3 story house. THATS LIKE GIVING ME A MANSION AND SAYING, "YOU CAN HAVE A COUCH."
Parents who let their kids sell candy/popcorn/chocolates/Christmas wrapping paper door to door with no supervision. FIRST OFF, CHRISTMAS WRAPPING PAPER IN AUGUST...REALLY? I WASNT BORN YESTERDAY! SECOND, WTF ARE YOUR PARENTS. IM SORRY THEY ARE HITTING THE CRACK PIPE BUT YOU SHOULDNT BE OUT RIGHT NOW, OR ON MY PORCH OR STANDING IN MY DOORWAY! THERE ARE SICK PEOPLE OUT THERE, ILL JUST WATCH THE NEWS AND WAIT TO SEE ABOUT LITTLE BOB OR LITTLE JANE WHO GOT KIDNAPPED AND THE SOBBING PARENT WHO CLAIMS, "I DONT KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED, WE LIVE IN SUCH A GOOD NEIGHBORHOOD." HINT...PSYCHOS LIVE IN RICH NEIGHBORHOODS TOO!
Anyone who is still or ever was obsessed with Friends or Seinfeld. YOURE A FUCKING TARD!
Anyone who uses the excuse, "Nigga is apart of my language. And its not the same as Nigger." ARE WE STILL COVERING THIS SHIT? WAKE UP, ITS AN UNEDUCATED USE OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, JUST LIKE YOU ARE A SORRY EXCUSE FOR A FORM OF LIFE. RULE OF THUMB: IF YOU WOULDNT LET A 4 YEAR OLD CHILD USE THE WORD, WHY WOULD YOU? BE AN EXAMPLE OF PROGRESSION, NOT STUPIDITY.
Guys who hit on you at 7am at the gas station. IM HERE TO GET COFFEE BITCH, MOVE. ILL ONLY SMILE IF YOU LET ME HAVE THE LAST DONUT.
Cats who have progressed from meowing to get food to sitting at your feet, staring at you with dagger eyes in order to get food. YOU ARE FAT, YOU CAN WAIT AN HOUR!
People who let their children run around a restaurant, babies cry nonestop and/or babies shit without immediately excusing themselves to change the little rats. THIS IS WHY SOMEONE LIKE YOU SHOULD HAVE SWALLOWED OR LET HIM SPLOOGE IN YOUR ASS. YOU CANT EVEN KEEP A HOLD OF YOUR KID OR CHANGE ITS CRUSTY DIAPER. I ORDERED A KC-STRIP AND GREENS, NOT A KC-STRIP, GREENS AND THE ODOR OF A DYING POSSUM!
People who touch pregnant bellies without permission. THIS IS A VIOLATION OF PERSONAL SPACE. YOU HAVE NOW OPENED THE GATE AND I CAN RUB YOUR BELLY WHENEVER I CHOOSE. OH WAIT, YOU'RE JUST A FAT ASS, KINDA BOTHERSOME ISNT IT?
People who fart in a supermarket aisle then jet to the next aisle to avoid their own stink. I WISH I COULD FOLLOW YOU AND GIVE IT BACK! YOU ARE A NASTY ASS. DID YOU HAVE TO PICK THE PRODUCE AISLE, REALLY? DONT BE SURPRISED, ITS USUALLY THE PRETTY RICH LOOKING LADY WHO HAS THE TOXIC FUMING ASSHOLE! BEWARE!
People who make up stories about other people in order to justify their own asshat behavior. ID LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO KARMA. SHE IS A BITCH. ENJOY.
Using text messages to say important things like "So and so stopped breathing, on life support, etc etc," YES, ITS 2009. WE STILL COMMUNICATE FOR IMPORTANT SITUATIONS LIKE, OH I DONT KNOW, PEOPLE ALMOST DYING!
When you're hungry at 5:51am and what you want isnt in the fridge because someone who just came home last night decided that was the one motherfucking thing he wanted to eat. YOU ARE SO LUCKY MURDER IS ILLEGAL!
Kim from Real Housewives of Atlanta. I HATE YOU! YOUR WIG IS CHEAP, YOUR A POOR EXAMPLE OF A WOMAN, A HOE AND A REALLY BAD LIAR. I HOPE YOU GET BITCH SLAPPED THIS SEASON!
Hospitals that try to force a treatment for no other reason than they want to hike up the bill. HERES THE DEAL, IF I SAY MY BLADDER IS FULL, DONT COME UP IN HERE WITH A CATHETER. GET YOUR LITTLE BLADDER SCANNER THINGY AND CHECK...OH WAIT, I WAS RIGHT, AND WHO HAS THE DEGREE, YOU FUCKING SAGGY TWAT!
Nurses who get pissed when you ask questions. IF YOU ARE TAKING MY BLOOD, INJECTING ME WITH SOMETHING, PUTTING ME INTO SOME MACHINE, I WANT TO KNOW WHY, WHAT IS IT, WHAT ARE SIDE EFFECTS, WHATS THE TESTING USED FOR AND ITS LEVEL OF IMPORTANCE. I AM NOT ABOUT TO BE THE REASON YOU GET A NEW BENZ THIS YEAR!
Anyone still obsessed with Michael Jackson and his family. HE'S DEAD, MOVING THE FUCK ON. SADLY, MORE PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER HIS SICK AND TWISTED SKELETOR IMAGE THAN THE PERSON WHO CURES CANCER, AIDS AND STUPIDITY. AND WE WONDER WHY THE WORLD IS GOING TO SHIT.
Cats who are now meowing at 6:04am because I fed them but they seem to want water. FUCKING NEEDY BASTARDS! HAVENT YOU GROWN THUMBS YET?

Feel free to add to the list, it was a slow morning. Overall; THINGS THAT HAVE ANNOYED ME THIS WEEK...FTN!

You Suck

2009-09-01T02:18:00.000-07:00

FTN's a plenty. Seeing as the Kitty Bish is on a hiatus, most of these are outside of a realm, but all the while relevant and sadly, far too typical.

Doctors with no bedside manner. When you are in a profession in which you are to care for people, you may want to actually like people. Its like the teacher who hates kids or the priest who loves them far too much. The only person I want cold and hardcore is a surgeon. He isnt paid to be nice. He's paid to cut me up and sew me back together and keep me alive. FUCK STUPID DOCTORS!
Religious people who feel the need to judge. People who judge in general can suck a steak and eggs twat but quite frankly, those "God Fearing People," annoy the fuck out of me. Dont get me wrong, its not the faith itself that urks the shit out of me but the hypocrisy. I dont label myself the same thing as you so I am somehow worse off? Do you practice what you preach? Well then we are no fucking different, Im just honest.
Religious people who say everyones going to hell. Last I checked, I think my God, whatever entity or energy I believe in knows whats in my heart and I really dont have to spend the rest of my time on this earth trying to convince you of that bond. So fuck you hard in the ear for damning me to hell. I like warm weather anyone so fuck your chilly ass heaven.
People who assume everything is about them. FTN YOUR LAZY EYED CAMEL TOED HAIRLIP! Im silent, get over yourself. Im laughing, you arent funny, Im sad, there are babies dying all over the world, Im angry, you arent even on my radar. Get over yourself. And get some new pants.

Its too damn early and Im too damned tired...The kitty bish and I will take a nap now and I hope when I wake up, the following types of people have died slow miserable deaths. Or just get yeast infections in their mouths!

Weekends Dont Bring An End To Stupidity

2009-08-03T08:29:00.000-07:00

FTN! to...

People who floor it when you try to pass them on the highway. Is there a point to this other than being a complete fucking douchebag? Dont mind the fact you could have caused a head on collision...did you miss the whole oncoming traffic thing? What the fuck is it with people? Im not sure how this seems logical, one would think random break checking of people and swerving, gunning it for the sake of a race at 75 MPH because you have nothing else better to do...Your face is officially hated by me and I curse the twat you came out of.

People who claim higher connection but willingly snuff someone obviously down on their luck. No, you never know whos scamming you. But a man on the side of the road asking for food...what harm is there in giving him a fucking cheeseburger? Rather than indulging in that second set of biggie fries for your fat ass, how bout you think outside of yourself and feed someone else. There are two things you just dont deny the fallen...food and shelter. Okay so, dont pick up every stranger but what have you lost by offering some food? No one is immune from falling that far down.

People who are genuinely proud of their clever little wording, "yayyy I turned that into a derogatory statement, who gets an A + for assclown behaviour?" Do you want a gold star? For being a closed minded idiot? Is no one else appalled by the stupidity? Why did everyone go quiet? Silence is just about as effective as indifference. "Was that really necessary?" Yeah, you got nothing because it wasnt and that "saved" soul of yours is fucking ugly. Thanks for continuing to be the prime example of why religion and hypocrisy are synonymous to so many. Because hateful is godly...Im getting it now.

People who ignore the word "No." You are not privileged. It still means the same thing, back then and now. Its not changing and this isnt hard to get. But just in case you missed it...No still means just that; No.

People who say the word evolution in bunny ears. "Evolution." Whos to say what anyone believes in, or should believe in. Man, I love that thing called choice or perspective. But if you feel so inclined to do so, I suddenly feel so inclined to bunny ear "God," "Marriage," "Love," "Faith," "Trust," ...I could go on and on. "Nooo, of course I respect your "faith." You see how condescending that can be? "Of course I "love" you." Keep the bunny ears to yourself or Ill be forced to go royally thumper on your ass till you get my drift of just how fucking moronic you look right now.

People who make stupid comments like "well, I cant respect his art because of his personal choices." Okay, so that guy was a snitch. He snitched to get as little time in a prison as possible. Was that the best choice, who knows. But idolizing someone else despite their willngness to kill innocent animals...um...youre a fucking moron. An artist is an artist. Should it be defined by his daily actions? That is a question that could be debated for years to come. Poe would be wiped out as anything worthy, Im sure all the wife beaters would be too, how bout the drug addicted artists, the drunks, the liars and schemers? Whatever side you sit on...be consistant. If the snitch lost all respect as an artist, so does the dog killer.

People are not flawless but Im losing faith in the intellectual standing of the species. Maybe Ill go hibernate. Wake me when there is something to be proud of. Right now...Im not so sure there is.

Why I Should Never Be Bored

2009-07-28T04:48:00.000-07:00

And the question of the day is this: who the fuck sent out the god damn memo that said I was here for everyone elses amusement? I would like to see this hand written declaration giving Tom, Dick and Betty Joe the motherfucking assumption that I pop out of bed every morning to somehow make their shit just fabulous.

Would you like me to do a jig for you? Why yes, Massa, I would find no greater joy then entertaining you aimlessly for no apparent reason other than you have nothing else to do. How bout I pick some motherfucking cotton and stuff you a pillow? Maybe I can prepare you a meal too? How bout I just breathe for you? Would that help you? Because that is ALL I am here for.

Conversations that start and end with "hello," do absolutely nothing for me. If you think it should, walk up to someone youve never spoken to, tap them on the shoulder, say hello and stand there. Watch what the fuck happens to you. Or at least observe the "bitch get the fuck away from me face," that inevitably will appear.

The following is a reenactment of some actual events, with help from a wonderful friend (who shall remain nameless, though you could figure it out by looking for the person who is pissing her pants in laughter. The piss always gives it away.)

Must Be Bored: Heyy Kitty Bish
Me: hey Must Be Bored
Me: whats up homie G funk?
Must Be Bored: Nothing kind of bored and you ?
Me: stressing out, trying to figure out whats wrong with my dildo collection
Must Be Bored: what happened to it ?
Me: Im missing two pieces and I already checked my asshole...twice
Me: Waiting on the ultrasound
Must Be Bored: =/
Must Be Bored: hmm
Must Be Bored: wanna tp me ?
Me: Why sure, that would be fabulously helpful to my lost dick problem.

Must Be Bored: lol nice pose
Me: I call it the probing anteater
Must Be Bored: lol
Me: we can go downstairs *wink wink*
Me: see inside ya bottom
Me: okay welcome to the island
Must Be Bored: thanks :)
Me: so what you been up to?
Must Be Bored: not much really.
Must Be Bored: and you ?
Me: killing baby seals and some human trafficking, you know how it is
Must Be Bored: trying to change my look i kidn of like this one.
Me: Sounds good, you hungry, Im cooking burritos
Must Be Bored: i just came on to check whats gonig on i'm really bored to.
Must Be Bored: I might just go take a nap or goo read a book
Me: I personally like to read the articles in Hustler...now thats journalism
Must Be Bored: yea
Me: Candy likes apples, long walks on the beach and donkey punches
Me: that sounds like a plan for me too
Must Be Bored: I'm currently reading Playboy.
Me: what number?
Must Be Bored: *the bad beginning*
Must Be Bored: number one
Me: those bitches are too tame, they need some Planet of The Apes costumes or something
Me: Oooo, I found my McDonalds toy!
Must Be Bored: Hehe i have all of them.
Must Be Bored: never heard of that movie
Me: Oh it was shit but Id have fucked the third monkey in the second half of the movie...the one with the mustache.
Must Be Bored: ohhh
Me: Im all about hairy men, those nappy backs make me all sorts of hot
Must Be Bored: i seee
Me: especially when I can braid it...thats just heaven right there. I think I just came...
Must Be Bored: .
Must Be Bored: sounds interesting.
Me: it is
Must Be Bored: I hate faceplace. but i dont want to delete it..
Me: aww
Me: i cant do all those things, i can never keep track, not with all my masturbating dates.
Must Be Bored: lol i only do faceplace i have all the other thigns but dont use them..
Must Be Bored: but liek faceplace people are liek Gerr
Must Be Bored: i hate honesty box people say stupid stuff cuz they are cowereds and cant say it to your face.
Me: I find beating the fuck out of them usually helps...wait whats that?
Must Be Bored: its just like a applacation that you can right to anyone but they dont know who it is
Me: ohhh
Must Be Bored: its stupid
Must Be Bored: Ohh my gosh thats the cutest strap on!
Must Be Bored: <3
Me: lol
Me: I <3 my strapons, I like how its shaped like a yorkie. Walking the dog!!!
Must Be Bored: i wish i had a kitty or dog.. :(
Me: you should get one
Me: they have lots of toy shops
Must Be Bored: i wish. i have no money and i dont think myboyfriend will pay for it,...
Must Be Bored: i think hes broke.
Me: ahhh
Must Be Bored: yehh i had 10L but liek i spent it on soemthing stupid that i thoguht was cool
Me: Broke guys suck donkey cock and not very well either.
Must Be Bored: lol
Must Be Bored: i <# chocolate chip cookies :D
Must Be Bored: <3*
Me: Im a realist. Oatmeal is a safe glutton free alternative, what with all the infiltrating chemicals out there today.
Must Be Bored: yup :)
Me: Usually has bugs though, that natural shit is um...extra natural.
Must Be Bored: yeh :P
Me: wow this couch is bright, lol
Me: doesnt it remind you of jolly ranchers
Must Be Bored: lol it is.
Must Be Bored: YES
Must Be Bored: :P
Must Be Bored: thats what i was thinknig
Me: this is my cousin Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez
Must Be Bored: Hii Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez
Me: She likes pumpernickel and tossing salads with Ranch dressing.
Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez: Hello
Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez: rofl
Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez: pumpernickel is pnly good for bagels and dont shout me out, Im trying to convert to the meat.
Me: I personally think you have an issue Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez but we'll save the intervention for later
Must Be Bored: lol
Me: Okay so dish...what happened with the Goat?
Me: sorry Must Be Bored, Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez needs to vent, you understand
Must Be Bored: Yup :)
Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez: *sniff* He is such a douche
Me: yeah well he has a tiny head
Me: i dont even know why you fuck with him
Must Be Bored: okay well I'm gonig to lay down and read hae fun :)
Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez: I was milking him yesterday and he fucking bahhed at me and said another goats name...another fucking goat!
Me: tc Must Be Bored
Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez: bye Must Be Bored
Me: damn
Me: thats jacked the fuck up
Me: i say we kill him
Me: with tampons
[13:18] Must Be Bored is Offline
Me: in the face

Okay...ready...dont call me up to be boring or expect amusement because in turn I will find amusement. And my cousin Bitch Against The Dirty Sanchez will come and talk about her mad goat fucking skills!

FTN! to random "hey amuse me" people...Im not a god damn clown you assnugget!

DO NOT POKE THE WEIRDOS!

2009-07-27T09:05:00.000-07:00

So The Kitty Bish decided to go down her list and random a bunch of old faces...see who poked back...Oh the fucking joys of randoms.

[2009/07/20 20:22] Me pokes you <- Because Im cool like that.
[2009/07/20 20:22] Second Life: User not online - message will be stored and delivered later.-- Instant message logging enabled --
[8:33] Sir Dorksalot: lo
[8:33] Me: hey you!!!!!!
[8:33] Sir Dorksalot: sup?
[8:33] Me: hows it going? Im doing well
[8:34] Sir Dorksalot: quite fine, poked into sl
[8:34] Me: very cool
[8:34] Sir Dorksalot: been gone from sl for a few months now
[8:34] Me: awwww <-Okay I was bored, sue me.
[8:34] Me: took a break?
[8:34] Sir Dorksalot: nah
[8:34] Sir Dorksalot: quit
[8:34] Sir Dorksalot: just in and seeing if they have improved anything
[8:34] Sir Dorksalot: no interest really
[8:34] Me: awww <- Very interested.
[8:35] Me: well, its good for you to say hi
[8:35] Sir Dorksalot: isnt it? ;) <- I hate your face if this is it, by the way.
[8:35] Me: lol
[8:36] Sir Dorksalot: so whats new on your end?
[8:37] Me: nothing much, living on the island, taking it easy
[8:37] Sir Dorksalot: ah
[8:37] Sir Dorksalot: what brings you to im me all of the sudden? :)
[8:37] Me: went down my calling cards, said hi to a bunch of people <- I.E. You are not special.
[8:37] Sir Dorksalot: aha
[8:37] Sir Dorksalot: to see who was still around?
[8:37] Me: pretty much
[8:38] Sir Dorksalot: I imagine quite a few has moved on as lindens doesnt seem to wish to improve the technology really <- Wheres my blankie and pillow?
[8:39] Sir Dorksalot: feel free to pop me a tp if you fancy company tho <- Um why?
[8:42] Sir Dorksalot: unless your busy lol <- I wasnt, just not sending a tp to techie boy. I can be bored in ims alone, thank you very much.
[8:42] Me: ohhh you meant right now, lol <- You like how I played that off? Me too.
[8:42] Sir Dorksalot: no, I meant six years from now ;p
[8:43] Sir Dorksalot: of course I meant now :p
[8:43] Me: i thought you meant like the next time you were around
[8:44] Sir Dorksalot: well, since I havent been online for oh six months or so I doubt I'd be around soon ;)
[8:44] Me: well then poo to you, i dont wanna see ya if you aint coming around :P <- In other words, I poked you to say hi, not invite you over for dinner.
[8:45] Sir Dorksalot: give me some incentive then :P <- I dont know whats creepier, asking for incentive or the continuous use of sticking out the tongue. Thats nasty.
[8:45] Me: incentive?
[8:46] Sir Dorksalot: yeah, you know like a reason
[8:46] Me: whats a good reason?
[8:46] Sir Dorksalot: for hopping onto sl? is there one?
[8:47] Me: okay you lost me <- Please dont ever find me...ever, with your dangly doggy tongue.
[8:47] Me: you want incentive for something but now dont know for what
[8:47] Sir Dorksalot: right, I lost you
[8:47] Me: ok <- I like when the convo ends here. He's not gonna take the hint...just watch.
[8:48] Sir Dorksalot: my reason for not being on sl for last couple months and before is because there isnt shit to do in sl, anything that I'd call fun anyway so the incentive would be throw me a carrot :P <- Are you a fucking horse? And did I ask for all of that? I am not farmer Jane you fucking freak.
[8:49] Me: well not my place to make you wanna come around I guess, so have a good six more months <- This is soooo a goodbye.
[8:49] Sir Dorksalot: true its not
[8:49] Me: cant give incentive to someone who finds no fun here
[8:49] Me: to each their own
[8:50] Sir Dorksalot: but what really killed my interested for sl is the lack of support from lindens <- I care why? Did I ask for details...Im getting a migraine!
[8:50] Sir Dorksalot: their technology is what.. ten years now? <- Let me go look that up for you.
[8:50] Me: i dont work for LL so telling me that isnt gonna do much
[8:50] Me: and no its been about 5
[8:50] Sir Dorksalot: you missunderstand
[8:51] Me: i think youre telling me why you dont like sl and yet here you are asking for incentive, so perhaps you misunderstand
[8:51] Sir Dorksalot: the technology that you see in mmorpgs like world of warcraft and so on existed before the games actually came out, but the core of issue is that sl isnt really being supported by lindens to accomdate more stuff <-SNOOZEFEST!
[8:52] Sir Dorksalot: no, I wouldnt say so, I am just saying what you would like to do if I stick around :) <-Break your kneecaps and weigh you down with cinderblocks?
[8:52] Me: okay well I dont have an issue with the place so i nunno what to tell ya
[8:52] Me: do i have to wanna do something for you to stick around?
[8:52] Me: if you dont find this place fun, not much i could do for you
[8:52] Sir Dorksalot: well, you send me a im so I imagined you were curious :) <- I stayed up late at night thinking about it, trust me.
[8:53] Sir Dorksalot: I am just curious if we are gonna hang out or not ;P <- You and that fucking tongue.
[8:53] Me: no, i said hi to you along with about 15 other people i havent spoken to in awhile seeing as i deleted my entire friends list last year <- Yet again...You are not special.
[8:53] Sir Dorksalot: ah
[8:53] Sir Dorksalot: well, like I said, people leave for all kinds of reasons and stuff
[8:54] Me: sure we can hang out, ill take you shopping or something <- For a new personality.
[8:54] Sir Dorksalot: for me its the technology that makes sl interesting
[8:54] Sir Dorksalot: pff
[8:54] Sir Dorksalot: virtual clothes and stuff isnt interesting to me! ;P
[8:54] Me: well for me, the people are interesting, cant offer you technology so...good luck
[8:54] Sir Dorksalot: I'll settle with conversation if you are willing :)
[8:55] Me: about technology?
[8:55] Sir Dorksalot: nope
[8:55] Sir Dorksalot: stuff in general
[8:55] Me: surface talk, sounds like a blast <-Set the alarm for as soon as he leaves, would you? Thats sarcasm at work by the way.
[8:56] Sir Dorksalot: isnt it always? ;)
[8:56] Me: no i usually get bored pretty easily, has to be something of interest
[8:56] Sir Dorksalot: such as?
[8:56] Me: i dunno, i dont keep a list <- If I have to tell you, you are boring me already.
[8:57] Sir Dorksalot: fine, what has happened to you since we spoke last time because I recall we didnt really part on good terms you and I :) <- God, I wish I did then I wouldnt have poked you!
[8:58] Me: i dont recall. i bought an island, i dj sometimes, pretty much the same with a whole lot different
[8:58] Sir Dorksalot: ah
[8:58] Sir Dorksalot: hows the sl relationship working out for you? <- Is that caring before or after asking for incentive?
[8:59] Me: we're good, he works hard and builds well. and he's actually fun to be around
[8:59] Sir Dorksalot: sorry to be a bore then ;p <- Pity party and you're invited!
[8:59] Me: theres no comparison
[8:59] Me: its like apples and oranges, two very different categories
[9:00] Sir Dorksalot: obviously, he seems to invest his time here whereas I haven't for months[9:00] Me: how sucky that makes him huh, what a shit for settling for such crap technology
[9:01] Sir Dorksalot: anything that has improved with sl? <- Am I the fucking technician here?
[9:01] Me: ill send a memo so he gets his act together asap
[9:01] Sir Dorksalot: eh, like you said he cares for what he does in sl
[9:01] Me: i dont know, i dont keep tabs on sl technology and advances
[9:01] Sir Dorksalot: so its pretty much the same then
[9:02] Me: okay wow, im bored
[9:02] Sir Dorksalot: enjoying dj'ing then?
[9:02] Me: see you in 6 months <- Heres hoping not!
[9:02] Sir Dorksalot: ta ta darling
[9:03] Me: kbye

Im FTNing myself for randomly iming anyone, Im FTNing techie people because I hate your face and Im FTNing anyone who goes afk to leave me to talk to said techie fucking mongers. That is all.

Squirrels

2009-07-21T20:36:00.001-07:00

I am a kitty, you are a squirrel, I dont care what gifts you bring, I will eat your fucking face and then I will find your spouse and eat them too even though Im full but it amuses me enough that vomiting you out later will so be worth it.

Hey guess what annoys me...

Couples who have stupid pacts. "I'll go when you go. Okay? Okay." "Menstrate when I menstrate. Okay? Okay." You people are seriously walking around with a very fucking distorted perception of a relationship and should be fucking fish hooked in the asshole.

Groups that have fees without letting members know. I just left a group today that had a land fee of 6L, which was taken automatically from my account without my consent. Nowhere in the joining of said group was this mentioned nor was there even a fee to join said group. People who do this should be kicked in the ass. If Im paying for your shit, do I not get some god damn stock? A motherfucking reserved parking spot? Clubs that have to do this are fucking sorry excuses and only let it be known that they are lame and dont actually get enough attention to earn their keep on their own. Play that game on a newb, Ill just tell everyone how much you suck.

People who talk crazy shit about you but revert to hellos and smileys when its convenient for a tip. Nope, not giving you my money, you suck as a DJ anyways.

People who will only talk to you when they will directly benefit or if you do what they want for their convenience but stop talking to you when you dont do what they say. Minimal cordial conversation, sounds nice. Lets have surface chat because you apparently forgot what fun is. Stop taking yourselves so god damn seriously. Not everyone wants to be the brooding person. Some of us enjoy laughter. Try it some time.

That is all.

OMFG Reality is...Real!

2009-07-21T19:44:00.000-07:00

I hate stupid people. A true allergy to fucktards who dont know any better or even worse, those that do and dont give a flying fuck. I hate your god damn faces and I hope someone maims your armpits and shits down your throat. *Exhales* Just breathe Kitty...it cant be all that bad...oh but you just wait.

Heres a convo for you.

Person 1: Hi

Person 2: Hi there.

Person 1: How are you?

Person 2: Great, hows you?

Person 1: Terrible

Person 2: Sorry to hear that

Person 1: *Sighs heavily with wandering eyes...staring eyes...glaring eyes...*

Person 2: Um...okay what is it?

Do me a motherfucking favor, would you please. If you simply want to talk to me to tell me something bad that is happening or has happened to, by all means, what are friends for. BUT! You must ask before invading my space. You cannot and should not assume that I want to even pretend that I give a fuck at this time of night. I cant stand people who drop their half assed hints, waiting for me to ask whats the matter. Heres how you SHOULD come at me:

Person 1: Hey you, dont mean to bother but was wondering if I could talk. You busy?

This is when I either say "sure thing hun, whats up," or "nope, Im shopping and I dont really care about your issues," or *grumbles because I have dick in mouth syndrome at the moment* in which you are to leave a very BRIEF message and I will get the fuck back to you when I want to.

And so I get the scoop. Which I will give to because Im the motherfucking ice cream truck and its my journalistic duty or some such shit. In short...yet another short term romance that turned into a short term partnership that turned into a very short term attempt at some higher status. Let me make myself very clear on this. I DO NOT care if you choose to mix your worlds, you want void fillings, just some laughs, creative expression, eharmony in this life, whatever the hell it is...to each their own. I have enough experience to know there are only a select few who make it and I am quite sure they nurtured a bond over a very long period of time. TWO MONTHS IS NOT A LONG TIME! For anything. Let alone picking the love of your life...in any life. Some people connect instantly and I get that. I can appreciate chemistry. You cant deny what you feel or whatever the fuck you wanna say about it. But heres this...

In the conversation, I didnt encourage a word. Simply said "wow," or "well at least its over now." In response, I get the lovely reasoning of "Yeah well he just went off on me, it wasnt like this last time. He's bi-polar, it was awful." And this is where I scream. Why oh why Kitty do you scream, you might be wondering. Because I dont think responsibility is being taken in this situation. I mean, I wasnt there, I dont know what the fuck he did or said to this girl but for just a moment...think outside the box. Girl drops life to go be with said guy, it doesnt work out or the fairy tale runs out and so...he's bi-polar and that explains why it didnt work out. Maybe, just maybe, you fucking rushed something. Maybe, just maybe you put too much faith in two months of vagueness, of only seeing a small, very small portion of a persons personality.

Maybe, just maybe, you should own the fact that the odds of two people completely clicking without any sort of real effort or time between the two are very fucking slim! WHAT THE FUCK is it with people and the quick schemes. You want money. Go get a god damn job. Stop it with the get rich quick schemes. Movies turn into drive ins, lazy asses dont even have to lave their cars. Drive thrus for food turn into drive thrus for marriage. Banks have more atms then people. Order your groceries with the click of a button rather than walking down the aisle and loading your trunk. Everything if now for you quick convenience. Including love. Get love quick, as fast as possible without so much as evaluating what that really entails. Yes, because that will be some everlasting type shit.

Again, I dont hate on those who are looking for some long term deep rooted all out type of love. I do hate on the people who run the minute theres a struggle. The minute theres an issue, "he's bi-polar." You want reality so god damn badly? Well, heres a thought. In reality, people work through strife. People dont always agree. People fight. People hurt. People cry. People get sick. People get moody. People can be needy, dependant, distant, misunderstand you, confuse you, have an I dont give a fuck moment. Thats fucking reality. You cant deal with it or dont want to, then by all means....STOP MIXING! Either you want reality 100% or not. Because you cant have it with pixel standards. It just doesnt work that way.

I dont think I was sympathetic enough...or at all so the girl poofed. Which is fine by me as I cant bullshit pity. I was well behaved and kept my opinion as hushed in the moment as I could. I cant give advice on this or even say I fully understand but I do know one thing at least....

FTN! to people who invade my bubble with shit I dont understand. Kbye!

TMI Pt. 2

2009-07-19T05:34:00.000-07:00

And so it continues, the Kitty Bish gets a message while in busy mode (because I actually get busy, hah, not that kind shut up...well at least not at that moment, anyways!)

-- Instant message logging enabled --
[0:30] Him: can i ask you something....? <-My busy mode message says ~Sleep~
[0:30] Him: ok nm
[0:31] Him: im totally convinced you hate me <-Obviously me sleeping means we can still talk
[0:31] Him: so there <- Oh boy, he got me, gee whiz!
[0:33] Him: and yes i know if you really did hate me you would have just taken me off of your friends, but im still conviced you hate me <- I dont hate anyone, people just annoy me, get it right
[0:39] Him: and again, i also understand i am a complete idiot quite often...but earlier was kinda mean.....ok no it was borderline brutal.... i understand you may have been upset about something or w/e, but it didnt need to be taken that far. Yes you have talked about things.....before. no it wasnt just with me, but it has been talked about. The oly reason i came to talk to you, was because i thought it would be nice to talk to you, the subject was a stupid reason, yes, but otherwise i like talking to you. Yes iI do, like i already said, have a tendacy to say something that shouldnt be sai in the first place, but i would like to talk to you normally about ANYTHING and hopefully be a better friend to you, but after getting my soul ripped apart like that, i dont know if you like talking to me. I am only telling you all this because i still want to be your friend. But i want to know something, so heres your choice. If you believe tht what you did earlier was the right thing to do, the please delete me from your friends so <-He gave me an ultimatim! Because I am a ripper of souls, you go boy!
[0:40] Him: I dont bother you anymore with anything, but if you would still like to be my friend and talk to me, like i do you, then please just tell me you dont hate me. thats all im asking
[0:40] Him: the choice is yours....hope your happy with the choice you decide too
[0:41] Him: *to choose <- I come back to that message and Im just moved to tears -.-
[0:52] Me: Okay ******, what exactly have I talked about with you or anyone in private ims that wasnt welcomed conversation?
[0:54] Him: im not saying it wasnt welcomeed convo, but around the time i first met you, when we were on the rooftop, it was you, me, ***, and ***, if i remember....and you guys were talking about....things.....that were probably better off kept personal <- We talked about squirting, cumming in socks and shooting ping pongs...normal dinner convo amongst adults all laughing and engaging in said convo
[0:54] Me: I ripped out your soul? Are you serious? Let me let you in on something. I may be loud and vulgar and in your face but I never discuss who i fuck or when im fucking with anyone. Thats just tasteless. Second, I dont have any issue, I dont like people coming to me with verbal vomits over going to fuck their girlfriend. Why would I care if you bought a dick?
[0:54] Me: Um we were having a conversation an adult convo
[0:55] Me: Did I im you privately and talk to you about anything we joked about on that roof?
[0:55] Me: No because an im is personal
[0:55] Him: no, i already said no
[0:55] Me: I dont know what made you overthink this and bring it up now but you seriously have some major issues my dear.
[0:56] Me: You want me to say sorry for not wanting to know about your cock? Well, where the fuck is my apology for assuming im out fucking anyone with the "what or who you doing comment"
[0:56] Him: did i evr say i wanted an apology? no <- Nope, he just wanted me to choose at hell knows what time of night whether we should be friends...veryyyy important
[0:56] Me: Do you see me crying when peopel say things I dont like? No, you know why, because everyone has a right to their voice, I just dont wanna hear yours when you babble about your new dick...
[0:56] Me: Youre coming to me to make a choice
[0:56] Me: Who do you think you are exactly
[0:56] Me: You can delete me just the same, no?
[0:56] Him: then you coulda just told me to stfu about it, you dont care and left it at that <-Really?
[0:57] Me: Aint no loss for you since Im "sooo brutally mean" right?
[0:57] Me: Didnt I do that?
[0:58] Him: asll i asked was that you say you dont hate me, i never asked for you to say sorry
[0:58] Him: like i told you, i do realize how stupid i was for bringing you into something soo stupid.... <-Like this convo
[0:58] Me: Would it matter if I did hate you
[0:58] Me: It doesnt
[0:58] Him: as a matter of fact yes it does
[0:59] Me: Well, it shouldnt
[0:59] Him: well, if i want to be your friend, it sure as hell does
[0:59] Me: I dont have to like you or how you carry yourself just like plenty of people dont like me for the way I talk or act or think
[0:59] Me: You dont even know me to want to be my friend ***
[1:00] Me: We hang at the same spot, we dont have to know eachother. I can be cordial and not be buddy buddy with people
[1:00] Me: Have you seriously been stewing on this all night, because you need to focus your energy somewhere else
[1:00] Him: i want to get to know you, thats why i try talking to you, yes i dont come to you about better things.....which i have to work on, but i would like to be friends with you shasta
[1:01] Him: i respect how you arent afriad to tell someone like it is, and that your a very strong minded person who is very independant <- Flattery gets you...nowhere
[1:01] Me: Okay but thats not how you came at me
[1:02] Me: Feel free to read back what you said earlier
[1:02] Him: i understand what i said was harsh and rude....im sorry, again my verbal skills need some work.... <-Sorry # 1 of this convo
[1:02] Him: and im sory for coming to you with stupid shit like a new dick or somethnig tat shouldnt be talked about <- Sorry # 2 of this convo
[1:03] Him: at the end of it all
[1:03] Him: im just trying to talk to you
[1:03] Him: thats all
[1:03] Me: Heres why we can be cordial but not friends. You say sorry for everything. You cant stand on your own too feet to just say how you feel and stick by it.
[1:03] Me: You know how many times people get mad at me for what I say?
[1:03] Me: But I have to own it
[1:03] Me: and How I feel
[1:04] Him: i havent gotten to exoress how i feel about a lot of things....which is ver damaging to my being able to stand up for what i say and own up
[1:04] Him: *express
[1:04] Him: during my life
[1:05] Him: and i wish i could be more lie you when it comes to that
[1:05] Him: *like
[1:05] Me: Okay well thats another thing. My time here is my SL, not my time to figure out your RL/SL expression
[1:05] Him: im not asking for you to care about my rl/sl anything
[1:06] Me: But thats your reasoning
[1:06] Him: its not
[1:06] Him: im just saying that no i dont speak my mind freely like you do
[1:06] Him: no i cant stand up against people and w/e
[1:07] Me: I seriously dont know what you are expecting from me right now
[1:08] Him: all i want, is to be able to talk to you.....ad for you to feel you can do the same.....thats all i ever wanted.... <- Yeah I got nothing for that one
[1:08] Me: I think its funny you assume I must have been upset about something or whatever, like you said when in all actuality, Im just highly uninterested in miniscule details of other peoples existances that arent really my concern
[1:08] Me: Okay well I still dont get why you are so drawn to needing to know you can talk to me and vice versa
[1:08] Him: i said may have been
[1:08] Me: We didnt make some grand connection so what do you want?
[1:08] Him: its just to be a friend
[1:08] Him: thats all
[1:09] Me: Okay well you cant beg for an unfounded or valid friendship
[1:09] Me: I dont think we have anything in common to be honest
[1:09] Me: Either people click or they dont
[1:09] Me: Do we seriously have to click? <- My not clicking list is far longer than my clicking
[1:09] Him: well, no thats true
[1:10] Him: the i guess that im no use to you as a friend
[1:10] Him: *then
[1:10] Me: Okay and being emo really helps right now
[1:10] Him: oh sure cuz im totally being emo <- Um yeah!
[1:10] Him: i was just saying that theres no point
[1:10] Me: Listen, Im sure you're a nice guy and you have fun and make people laugh and can be genuine in your own way
[1:10] Me: Yes, you are being emo actually
[1:11] Me: But friendship is something that grows, that formulates between people when there is...chemistry of sorts. Im confused as to why you are so drawn to be sure I like you <- Besides the fact that I am a fly ass bish, but I dont do begged connections
[1:11] Me: It doesnt matter if I do or dont, you got ur friends and people that make you happy, youve known me what...a few weeks?
[1:11] Him: it was just a hope that it could work out, but i was totally wrong
[1:12] Me: You act like we were dating *** <- Yeah...we're NOT!
[1:12] Me: Like its all tragic
[1:13] Him: i would try explaining that, but whats the point? you dont care <- i,e please say you do
[1:13] Me: No feel free because it seems like youre trying to guilt trip me which really sucks as a gesture
[1:13] Him: well, do you?
[1:14] Me: Do I what?
[1:14] Him: care about anything I am saying? <- Told you so!
[1:14] Me: Im trying to understand you <- Like going to Ripley's Believe It Or Not
[1:14] Me: Youre making no sense and sounding like Im breaking up with you or something far more serious than two aquantances who just have nothing in commmon
[1:19] Him: thers nothing more worth saying.....cuz its true
[1:19] Him: i took this and made it into something huge, when all i was hoping to get out of it was your friendship
[1:20] Him: just to see a click
[1:20] Him: but now i understand
[1:20] Me: Asking for a friendship doesnt mean youll get it
[1:20] Him: yeah
[1:21] Him: no, your right...absolutely <-I think he's sleepy
[1:21] Me: Okay <- And Im bored
[1:21] Him: well then
[1:21] Hm: i feel like an idiot now....lol
[1:22] Me: Sorry to hear that.
[1:22] Him: no its not you, im just suprised i didnt get it earlier
[1:23] Me: Get what? <- Curious cats FTN themselves...kill me now
[1:23] Him: what i was doing, acting like a fuckin drama queen about it all
[1:24] Him: well, im sorry about all that....im sure thi isnt something you wanted to waste your night with either... <- Sorry # 3 of this convo
[1:24] Me: It happens <- Far too often but yayyy FTN! was born from it
[1:25] Him: i guess ill ask one more stupid question before i leave you alone....how's you night been "aside from this whole conversation)
[1:25] Me: Its been okay, Im looking forward to tomorrow
[1:26] Him: oh, whats going on tomorrow?
[1:26] Me: Dressing up and hopefully going dancing
[1:26] Him: oh cool, hope that you have fun with that

BTW, I so did! The point of this post is this...do not bring me stupid shit if you dont want me to comment. Do not try to reprimand me for having an opinion on said stupid shit. Do not try to guilt trip me, reverse psychology my ass, passively be aggressive and or any other tactics you learned watching America's Next Top Model in your basement. I dont give a fuck if you dont like what I say. You dont have to give a fuck about me or my opinions. Its a mutal fucking freedom here people! Now, if you feel so inclined to give me stupid shit...then just know, I dont bite my tongue much. Im not overtly evil, I dont go out of my way to hurt people or make people cry. But I will be honest with you. And right now, you might think that sucks. But someday, youll look around at people you have no respect for, people who smile to your face and talk nothing but shit behind your back and YOU WILL appreciate my blunt demeanor. You dont have to believe me right now...but trust.

FTN to people wanting rose colored glasses versus true sight. You aint getting it here hombre.
Now back to your regularly scheduled program, already in progress.

Feel free to save any comments on this one, I dont drag people on blast, I put them on blast once and Im done. I dont endlessly torment, I make my point and enjoy the life Im livin' Nuff said.

TMI Pt. 1

2009-07-19T05:33:00.001-07:00

Heres the story, of a chick named Kitty, who knew some very strange girls. All of them HAD herpes, like their uncles, the youngest one on her ass. (The Brady Bunch Song sucks meatballs.)

Enough being random. So I get a message from someone the other day and in so many words screams out they got an appendage. Yes, I know, this is ground breaking news. But I dont normally give or get these types of messages though Im sure there are plenty of people who want to know all of the happenings of my twat. (If you are one of those people,feel free to subscribe to MyTwatInYoFace.com....I made that up but if there really is a site of such nature, I claim no affiliation and thats not me on the far left, I swear!)

Anyone that knows me, or thinks they know me, could safely say that if I get a stupid message, Im really not scared to say, hey assclown thats all sorts of stupid, only before FTNing said stupid comment. People who dont know me assume I will listen or be annoyed but not say anything. Hence why you will never know me.

Because I want you to understand, I am willing to share the prettiest viewpoints of this conversation. For the well being and sanity of those involved, original names are not included (be grateful.) This post will be done in two parts as these convos could possibly drive you nuts in one sitting. FYI, this person gave me full permission to use their name and or convo material in FTN posts. I leave out name because Im sure he'll regret that choice. The only alterations made to this convo was the changing of names to me me & him or *** for his name. You dont like it...kiss my ass.

Convo 1

-- Instant message logging enabled --
[17:46] Him: omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgogomg <-My fave way for you to say hello to me.
[17:46] Him: did you ever post my ftn notice? <-I told him I would post one on the stupid comment he made asking me "what or who I was doing"
[17:47] Him: XD
[17:47] Him: and i just did somerhing very bad
[17:47] Him: i bought myself somethnig......"special"
[17:47] Me: ok <- My interest level
[17:47] Him: and im about to.........use it 0_0
[17:48] Him: im sooo nervous!
[17:48] Him: omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgmo <- This apparently means really nervous
[17:48] Me: ok <- My concern
[17:48] Him: is it fun? have you done it before, whats it like? what should i look out for? should i be careful? <- Am I the god damn health clinic?
[17:49] Me: what the fuck are you talking about?
[17:49] Him: idk, im soo nervous and excited....sorry to bug you about it <- Sorry # 1
[17:49] Him: take the 3 word from that sentence.........
[17:50] Him: from what you said, i mean
[17:50] Me: ***, Im really not in the mood for a fucking guessing game with you so either you spill it or im someone else with you panic attack sessions
[17:51] Him: it involves a man and a woman doing things with each other.......intamate things.....I JUST BOUGHT MYSELF A MEMBER!! <- Because Im four...when a someone really loves someone...
[17:51] Me: Why do I need to know this ***?
[17:52] Me: Do I im you and tell you about my twat or when Im fucking?
[17:52] Him: no, im sorry. ill leave you alone, you dont need to know..... <-Sorry # 2
[17:52] Me: Oh no you dont, dont run now <- Starting shit and running doesnt fly with me
[17:52] Me: Because you have involved me
[17:52] Me: and now I wanna all about that furry cock of yours
[17:52] Him: im not running
[17:52] Me: so spill it
[17:52] Him: its not furry
[17:53] Him: i am a human
[17:53] Him: and will remain as one <-He's furry half the time
[17:53] Me: because I sooooo need to know about your cock and balls right? Because we're such good friends <- Falling into the Ive known you less than a month category
[17:53] Me: Has your chick seen it
[17:53] Me: Ya gonna fuck her?
[17:53] Me: When?
[17:53] Him: wait...your being sarcastic arent you? <- Genius!
[17:53] Me: Where?
[17:53] Me: No Im curious
[17:53] Him: oh
[17:54] Him: where idk yet, soon, and no she hasnt
[17:54] Me: Im curious as to why you think I WOULD GIVE A FLYING FUCK if you have a dick or if youd use it. Does it look like you are on my god damn radar that I need a random IM from you explaining to me what you have? Do you really think I dont have better shit to worry about than your fucking twig and berries?
[17:54] Him: ....ok sorry shasta <- Sorry # 3
[17:54] Me: No you arent <- Dont say sorry if you dont mean it!
[17:55] Him: no i really am, i tend to put my foot in my mouth a lot <- This is called back peddling
[17:55] Me: Because youll just im someone else about your dick, so you can twist and shout about it. Its a dick. Its not a big deal
[17:55] Me: Why dont you talk to your girl about ur dick?
[17:55] Me: Im not your chick
[17:56] Me: Therefore the only dick I care about is MY mans
[17:56] Him: youknow what your absoltuly right....i am a complete idiot about all this....and i shouldnt have even bothered you ith it
[17:57] Me: Well, I know ur full of shit and youll just do it again but for right now you just enjoy your new dick, I hope you bust nuts galore and if you have a hugeeee party to celebrate its birth, feel free to toss my invite. Thanks kbye.
[17:58] Me: Nooooo <-So the little message comes up that says "so and so is typing"
[17:58] Me: stop talking
[17:59] Me: i said goodbye
[17:59] Him: ok

[22:16] Him: (and not some gay little avi like i got already) <-This is a comment in open by the same person, hours later at a club. Do you remember when I said I dont like people who refer to bad things as "gay," feel free to insert your own race or your mommas religious belief instead. You are an asshole and so I hate your face.

Here is the number one problem I have with this conversation. It was not meant or delivered as a funny open discussion but a verbal vomit of TMI, it was with someone who I am not close with by any means and it is quite frankly the most teen grid conversation I have ever seen in an adult setting. Are you fucking 12? Why would I care? Was I suppose to jump for joy or go...OMG CONGRATS! You didnt cure cancer. You bought a cock. Yayyyyy

FTN TO YOUR TMI!

La-di-da-di

2009-07-17T01:43:00.000-07:00

Here's the part where you say "Oh great FTN! Kitty Bish, what's in that busy head of yours?"

And I say..."Oh nothing, except..."

Dont you just hate when people scream at you at the club? I'll be the first to admit, I'm a screamer. I'm all about being loud, it's in the genes. But when a DJ or a Host has a complete conversation with themselves about being pissed off that no ones talking...I kinda feel a little pressure to be "on." I think that DJ/Host should feel like shit. They should cry out of pure shame right now. What if I was getting my fuckage on? Do I really need you yelling at me while Im grinding my hips? That's a big hell to the no. If it's so fucking dead in this bitch, why dont you do your god damn job and make something happen. Maybe if you werent a sack of suckage, people would show up. That is all and you are dismissed.
Anyone who pastier (I dont care if its not a word...wait, is it? Well if Willy can make up words so can I so suck off!) then a guppy. When the fuck did translucent become a pigment? I can see your fucking ribs hombre, get a tan and eat something while you're at it. Your dagger limbs offend me.
Rule of thumb boys, that emo sweep over your face could be semi cute. Bangs down to your god damn jaw are not bangs. Its a fucking curtain. Martha Stewart would be ashamed of your bullshit drapes so how bout we just say no to the covered face man look. And dont you hate on my Martha, that cunt was in the big house, she will assrape you so fucking hard you will shit out magnificantly moist blueberry muffins and a scrap book to log the recipe in.
I am not Dr. Phil. Not just because I'm not an overweight balding man named Phil with a major small dick complex but because I dont give a flying rats asshole about your "issues." Thats why they are yours and not ours. They sure as shit wouldnt be mine because Im not that stupid to have those types of fourth grade trivial lumps of bullshit floating around my world. Do not verbally vomit your dumb ass need for attention anywhere within a 30M radius of me. I can only hear within 20M but to be quite honest, if youre ugly, I dont even want you in my cam shot. For that matter, how bout you stand on another fucking sim? Yeah thanks, kbye.
[0:28] Masochist who wants to get beat: hey shasta, what or who are you doin? - This is an actual fucking message. I'll let it slide because Im all about one free pass of dorkage/stupidity (we all have bad days). But I will address the hint of ignorance here just because it seems to be ever present amongst a new breed of people I'd like to call AssHOLEumers. (You actually tried pronouncing that out loud didnt you...*waits for the snort*) Am I dime? But of course. And if you dont know, you better ask somebody. Am I...whats the word...sexual? Damn skippy. Twat + Sexual = Hoe? Last I checked...yep thats a big hell no also. Dick + Sexual = "Just being a man." Okay well, guess Im gonna have to rock the cock from now on. Here's a little secret, Im not always fucking. Im not always talking about sex. Im not always in a primal state. Thats only 99% of the time. I can actually multitask so while Im thinking about sitting on a certain someones face, I can also figure out how to put a stop to terrorism. Im a humanitarian, feeding the hungry while solving global issues.
Stop being weird. Its just...weird and I dont like it. You need to unweird yourself and join the rest of the party but until then, stay indoors and masturbate without a break while watching the complete first season of Welcome Back Cotter. That'll teach ya!
If I have to count the number of letters in your name...so help you god.
Those random messages asking "where you from, what do you do for fun in rl, how old are you, what do you look like?" Really? Okay well heres my address. Come to me right now so we can have mind numbing dirty kinky nasty sweaty sex, only after I suck your dick so hard your siblings call to check on you because they "felt the tension." I need you oh so much in my life and oh unheavenly father where have you been all these years. Please oh pretty fucking please come and visit ooo baby oh baby mmm baby! W.T.F. The Girl is from somewhere, one of the things she does for fun is...oh I dont know, might be called SL? The girl is not a 40 year old balding midget named Hank. Is that enough for you? (Im a balding 39 year old midget named Frank.) You need an RL hookup or a new bestie to visit...The Kitty Bish aint it. Kbye.
Hey guess what, you're ugly.Stop that. Thanks.

Yep, nothing at all...FTN!

Now returning you to your regularly scheduled fuckup that is your life...hugs and bullshit.

I Kill You!

2009-07-14T22:48:00.001-07:00

MySpace Graphics - Myspace Layouts,Graphics, and Comments!

Oh Great Lengths

2009-07-14T04:58:00.000-07:00

It is with body, mind and soul I come to you. Every ounce of me perplexed, stupefied even. Not for the simplistic forms of stupidity I see on a daily basis but what great depths corrupt souls go to in order to make a point. Perhaps it is trivial to even consider, to give a second thought. And perhaps, it is something meant to be analyzed, to understand to great lengths in order to avoid...prevent...foresee.

There will always be those lurking in the shadows. Those who thrive on the deliverance of evil. But what is evil? Is it the malicious intent behind false words? Corrupt actions to taint the skins of babes? The silenced witnesses whom are "unafraid" and yet never make a voice known? Is evil in the eye of the beholder...like beauty? If the devil only comes to you in a tempting form, would he not present himself as a God? An Angel? A sign of salvation? Would that not be but the greatest disguise?

Evil waits on bated breath, lurking amidst saints and sinners alike. Evil smiles and claims perfection, stands along on the sidelines and allows the daggers to fly. Evil thrives on the weak, the sick and the blind. It shines the darkest light into corridors unseen by common eyes, planting seeds of corruption to grow for centuries after our demise.

I couldnt even FTN! the great lengths people would go to win a battle. Waging wars on the smallest of islands, on the largest of continents, against unarmed soldiers and armies of one. This one is just what it appears to be, words beside words beside words.

What is evil? It is in us all, the possibility to grow and spawn and leech and maim. It is a ghastly demon that faults all but its own creator, its own will of manifestation. I keep asking myself that question because Im searching for the answer. What is more evil? Going the distance to wreak havoc or standing still and watching the flames?

~The Kitty Bish~

Assclown Non-Working Workers.

2009-07-09T20:40:00.000-07:00

You set the alarm, get your ass out of bed and beautify your face so you can head to the club with your girls. Walking in, you hear some tunes and start to shake your ass. The lights are flickering, the bass is pumping and you know this is going to be a fun night. Until...you hear emo people shouting out their insignificant little dramas into your bubble. Bet you wished you worked here. Well, you shouldnt. And here is why...

I cannot stand people who want to work so badly at one of these clubs and then have the nerve to bitch and moan because they cant do shit their way. They are so self absorbed, these little shits assume they can do whatever, whenever. NEWSFLASH: You wanna run some shit? How bout you infest your money into owning a club and then talk to me about who has the right to instill what rules.
Yes, I am the first to say RL comes first. But playing up that excuse of "I should be able to basically have any schedule I want because my RL is so busy," is a crock of shit. Is it that busy when you are sucking your mans dick? How bout when you are being a shopaholic? There will always be priority. But in all actuality, there are people who are running a business and it doesnt include making your RL schedule their priority. So keep the job and pick a shift or fucking bounce. Its not that hard. Just dont be emo about it.
Asking someone for advice on an event and in turn, taking that persons idea completely is fucking lame. If you cant think up something on your own, the least you could do is give credit where credit is due. This is called intellectual property. And people have a right to keep this property without you claiming it in one conversation. This one pisses me the fuck off because its very easy to say, I need help...you always have ideas...save me. And then stomp around when shit doesnt go their way and these shits try to use that idea as leverage. Well, feel free to keep walking because you have no leverage. The idea was mine and I can prove it and Im not going anywhere.
Passive aggressive people really just need to fall off the face of the earth. Just die already. Im begging you.
Working at a place only to talk shit about it when you think you are going to get booted...you are a clown. Please dont tell me your itty bitty fucking event is "well established." Ive seen well established. Ive seen events, clubs and people who have taken the time to make a real outstanding name for themselves. Talking shit is just that, talking shit. I dont have to hang out somewhere to acknowledge that it is respected in terms of what it brings for entertainment value. Again, you give credit where credit is due and you STFU otherwise.

This post is very fucking specific. I cannot stand DJ's who willing take a job somewhere and then get pissy because they arent treated like Gods. You arent a God. WTF is your major malfunction. You are some bitch who spins tunes...bad ones. Kelly Clarkson at an Industrial Club...really? You are serious? I am by far not perfect but the difference between us is I make choices and in turn I respect a manager/owners right to say "Thats a no go." Its always the bitches who do absolutely nothing that wanna pipe up and say how much they have brought to the table. If you were really an asset, you would never have to say what youve done. Ive done a lot of work in my time around, a lot of it unnoticed, but I know I did it and thats all I fucking need. You want a trophy for showing up to work? When you pay rent, you can say whatever the fuck you want. Until then, take your rainbow bright ass to the nearest grocer, by a bic razor and shave your eyeballs. This makes me smile.

FTN! to whiney ungrateful backstabbing lowlife scum who think they could ever possibly run shit. Im laughing at you right now. Cuz youre an assclown.

Fuck Tech Support

2009-07-09T04:49:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there was some chick who had an issue with something and so she made the mistake of calling Tech Support. One hundred dollars and 3 hours later, she received no real help and hung up livid. This girl hates tech support.

So The Kitty Bish must intervene. This unfolds into a much larger issue but I will get to that momentarily. For right now, let us visit the fucked up world that is Tech Support. First of all, why the fuck does the menu have to be 5 minutes long?

"Press one if you would like to speak to a representative. Press two if you would like to upgrade service. Press three if you are constipated. Press four if this fucking message is pissing you off. Press five if you are screaming right now. Press six if you are looking up our address to come kill us all..."

Seriously, we can narrow this down to two options. Here is FTN's version of the Tech Support menu.

"Press one if your shit is jacked the fuck up. Hang the fuck up if it isnt. The end."

Isnt that simple? Moving on. So you finally get past the menu, only after listening to some really bad elevator music that had to be picked out by some 80 year old schmuck named Gunther Wallock. Doesnt Gunther just scream elevator music, easy listening, jacks off to Kenny G? I agree.

Some fine young lady or gentleman picks up the line. Now heres where I begin to lose my cool. So this person picks up the line and says their name. Now mind you, I would say, 7 out of 10 times, I can tell a particular ethnicity by a persons speech. Diction is key to what region you were raised in. Do I really care where this Techie if from, not so much. What fucking annoys the shit out of me is when someone, whos voice makes it very fucking clear they are from a very far off place, tells me their name is Bob or Jenny or Gracie. Really?

Because I know plenty of white Tyrones and plenty of black Magdalenas. Oh theres a big boom of chinese Mohammads and even more Middle Eastern people named BOB! That is a crock of shit. If a company chooses to be a shithead and outsource every god damn thing possible, why hide it? Why ask these people to give false names in order to comfort me? (I know for a fact this is done as I investigate my shit first so back the fuck up before you get sassy with me.)

Why the fuck do I even need to be comforted? I just want to fix my shit. Does this company assume that I would just hang up or go ballistic because Ackmed answered my call? How many people really fucking run and hide because Wang Fucking Chung decided to be my rep this fine evening? I dont want to talk to Gracie or Jenny or Bob for that matter. Last I checked, I wasnt required to change my name in order to complete my eight hour shift...except that time I was the phone operator but if you tell em your name, those jerkoffs start trying to find you for the live show...or so I've heard.

"Jenny" tries to help me and fucking fails because her "resources" do not enable her to do much for me. Im so sure, because Google was running slow that night. Then there is "Gracie," who keeps saying "I am here to help you. Do not fear." Did she really just say "do not fear." This bitch went all Avengers on me. Dun Dun Dun DUNNNN, Techie Support to the rescue!!!!! Maybe...um one moment...can I put you on hold for two minutes while I check my resources...God Damn Google...wait, are you still there? God Damn it, where is the hold button *click...dial tone*

So "Gracie" says, "I just need this S/N number." So the girl reads it off to her. For this posts sake we'll say it is M9845J008M. So the girl says every number and letter clearly, because she can have good diction when the fuck she wants, so what you think about that ya scuzz bucket!
"Gracie" decides to repeat the number back to make sure its correct. So she says, "M as in Mark, the numbers 9..8..5...the letter J as in Jack...zero...zero...the letter H as in Harry...the letter M as in Mark." So the girl says, "um no...I said 8. The number 8 before the M." So fine old "Gracie" decides she needs to read it back again and surprise surfuckingprise, this douchebag says "H as in Harry."

ARE...YOU...FUCKING...KIDDING...ME!

So, the girl turns into The Motherfucking Count off Sesame Street..."THE NUMBER 8, READY? 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8, 8, 8, THE FUCKING NUMBER 8!"

Needless to say, "Gracie" figured out that it was an 8 before that M and not H as in Harry.

With time wasted, and a warrenty updated for something that must now be thrown away, the girl hung up livid. Looking back, I can see why. Here at FTN! We DO NOT hate anyone for their race, their sex (unless its short and stubby or crusty and stretched), their creed (unless they dont keep that shit to themselves), age, etc etc fucking etc. What we hate is stupidity. If you cannot help, dont say that you can. If you cant understand me, do not fucking sass me. If it is clearly stated that you are not understood, putting someone on hold DOES NOT HELP! It only magnifies the anger which will now be projected at you with no fucking mercy.

I, The Kitty Bish, feel the same way about outsourcing as I do about celebrities who adopt babies from random countries in order to feel like they are changing the world. Adopting children and taking them away from their environment can be a good thing. Depriving a child of their culture and using them as press time can be very fucking bad. These two things are one and the fucking same to me. You want to give jobs to people from who knows where...why? Because its cheaper. You arent helping these people. You are being greedy. Mind you there are lay offs all over the fucking place and there are people with fucking degrees stuck flipping burgers because thats the only option they've got left. Yeah, fuck your degree, now get me my fries. You want to adopt foreign babies to make yourself appear worldly, because the local starving homeless children sure dont need your help. Fuck em right?

FTN! To Tech Support and the greedy disgusting excuses of life who play up their bullshit good deeds by "spreading wealth and opportunity," when in all actuality, it will always be for one thing...so the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. Tech Support and their non trained asses can suck my left tit and the right one and rub my back and NOT call me in the morning because heaven knows I hate elevator music. Ill never hear the name Harry again and not want to scream!

That is all, back to your regularly shceduled program, already in progress ya hoe bags. Fucking TIVO junkies.

P.S. I would like to take a moment of silence to acknowledge Blanket Jackson. Fuck the child molesting king of pop being dead...his son is named BLANKET! Keep an eye out for his stints in rehab. Meh, could be worse. He could have been named Gunther.

Mushy Moment

2009-07-02T22:38:00.000-07:00

Friends who have stuck around thru the test of time.
New friends who make me laugh.
My shoulders to lean on and my hands to hold.
Positive energy.
Sitting on the couch on the beach whole heartedly enjoying yourself and not wanting to be anywhere else.
Good music, especially Diamond Girl when I need it the most.
Knowing people can be flawed and still be considered good.
Having a gigglefest and not being able to stop.
Never wanting to.

I say all of the mean things, all the things that annoy me to pieces but every once in awhile, I have to remind myself that through the laughs over it, through the annoyance, even through the anger, there are always good times to be had. And I appreciate those that share them with me. Mad love

And um...fuck you and stuff. I FTN! your face. *puffs up and acts cool*

Independence Day Comes Early This Year

2009-07-02T00:57:00.000-07:00

With the upcoming celebration of an Independence of some sort, the Kitty Bish wants to feel liberated too. What better venue to do just that than right here and what better time than right now. This one is for the vipers and the vixens, the leeches and the sheep, the herders and the blindly mute, the deaf inactive and the ones who know it all and yet dont know shit.

The Kitty Bish started FTN! to say fuck it to anything and everything that interupted the personal fun of anyone and everyone. Because who the fuck are we to stand in the way of what makes people happy, of how they choose to exist in this life? Yes, I can be a mean little bish, fiesty and in your face. I can even be a little cruel, when the timing is justified. But I say a big, huge, undeniable FTN! to those that assume they are untouchable in their tyranny.

Andddddd the gloves come off and the guns are blazing. Because I've been very well behaved. But in all actuality, I never should have behaved. I should have snarled my teeth and blasted out some shit when I had the chance. Who am I behaving for? Who exactly am I trying to appease? Because last I checked, there isnt one single person who is taking care of my shit but me. There isnt one person responsible for my island existing but me. Not one person responsible for me having a job but me. Not one person but me making the choice to get out of my kitty bed each day and choosing to enjoy my existance. Thats right people, I run my shit. I know this comes as a huge fucking surprise to you.

This is not about one particular thing. This is about a culmination of bullshit. Now some of it may not be delivered in malice and some, Im so sure has been. But when it festers, it is bound to boil over and this right here is some hot lava running right out Mt. Shasta, hoping it burns your fucking skin off.

Though I appreciate the concern, I dont want it. From anyone. It is not because I think I know better, it is not even because I think it is in malice. With concern comes doubt and doubt is not something I want in my world. Being concerned over who the Kitty Bish associates with, where the Kitty Bish has been as of late, why the Kitty Bish has declined anything or left anywhere is only one persons business. YOU GUESSED RIGHT. The Kitty Bish herself. Feel free to be insulted but there are only so many times a kitty can get a message asking where she's been without wanting to scream. This leads to my next point.
If I leave a place, and I did it kindly...no drama, no scenes, no tantrums, just deep consideration, than it is no ones place to ask about it. I have done my part by leaving in peace. In turn, I expect peace. This goes for EVERYONE. DO NOT poke me after almost never having any conversations with me at all to ask why I am not in a certain place. We didnt talk before, why the fuck do you care now? If I answer, in a cordial matter, I want to do new things (or whatever the response I gave the multiple times I was asked) I expect you to take the hint and hereby STFU!
People who point the finger and say "everyone starts drama but me," are the same people who make these inquiries and pry for information. I am hereby uninterested in feeding your sick need for new shit to dwell on. Im not in the mood to channel surf with you thru the days novellas so feel free to find someone else to pester.
Anyone who knows me knows my profile reflects my mood. It changes very quickly and I like it that way. People are taken out just as quickly as they go in and sayings change depending on my inspiration and what book The Girl is reading this week. In turn, people who profile whore, I dont have a problem with you. What I do have a problem with is anyone who feels they have a right to question...comment...and/or dictate what goes into someone elses profile. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE? Does the world really center around you? Are you are that important?
The Kitty Bish went to a place where people were very open about biting. Someone asked and I declined as this is not something I play with. I dont personally believe in playing that role and so I dont. In the same notion, if you do, I dont hate you for it. Just respect that I dont role the way you role. Problem solved.
If you RP than RP. If you are partial, then do it part time. If you dont, than dont. Please dont say you dont and your actions and obsessions say you do. This makes you look like a fucking fool. I dont rock a President of The United States of America tag in all seriousness and then say "but I dont RP." Last I checked...Im not Obama. Ya feel me? Good.
I do not need to see your entire fucking wardrobe. I dont care what you wear. You probably arent on my radar so asking me if I wanna see, what do I think, what should you get, where should you get it, etc etc etc...nope, not even interested a little.
Guys who fall asleep while having sex...this one is just funny and yet I still must FTN! it. (Sorry J, had to do it.)
I will again FTN! myself for taking one hour and 26 minutes to get my stream set up for my first official DJ set. Even I am not safe from the FTN! wrath. But ya love me so fuck you.
RANDOM PEOPLE WALKING ONTO MY ISLAND. WTF DID YOU COME FROM AND WTF ARE YOU STILL HERE?????????????????? I swear to little baby jesus in a tutu, I offered this girl a suite, asked if she wanted coffee and chocolates in the morning and she came back with "No thank you, that wont be necessary." >.< KILL ALL THE NEWBS NOW!!!!
Anyone who is mindless (afk) longer then they are active. I have been guilty of this one myself and it kinda sucks. But I was busy that day so suck a twat.
Stop taking yourselves so seriously people. Its just silly. Think ahead ten years and ask yourself, whats going to matter? Exactly. Im sure nothing you are doing or saying right now will even be remembered. So why all the drama?
The Kitty Bish has been reminded time and time and time again that "people walk on eggshells because of who you know and they fear what repercussions they may face." Well, Im really sorry you feel that way. I dont own anyone and no one owns me. Connections outside of this life are just that, bonds that cannot be swayed or broken just because there is no affiliation in this world. That being said. If you think lil ol me had/has any control over your existance...it must be one sad excuse for an existance because Im not even looking your way.
"Oh you'll be back." You wanna bet? The audacity and nerve of anyone to assume or even formulate those words. Please count your blessings that I cant kick you in the fucking throat. I am not someone who believes in revolving doors. I am not someone who does major things in haste. I am not someone who does not think thru very important decisions before taking action. Life is a chess board. And I know all of my moves to reach checkmate before you've even considered moving that pawn. So next time you say "Oh you'll be back," think again about who you are talking to. Visiting a place doesnt mean I want back. Visiting means just that. Because there will always be beautiful people I enjoy knowing. You...are not one of them.
Reputations. Everyone has one. Before you judge one, look at your own.
Any guy who asks a girl to partner/engage/marry him after a week WITHOUT talking to the girls parents/family. You are officially lame. Sorry but its so true. A WEEK? For some sad people, it takes that long to rez shit. WTF?

This group may dwindle, people may pout and bitch. I might even get afew messages asking what I meant. Spare me. Or dont. I might just need some juice for the next post. Im not interested in walking on eggshells for anyone. Im not interested in being anyones sheep or watching my mouth to make anyone feel safe or privileged. You dont have to like what is said, you dont have to agree. But hell if I wont say it. I can FTN! in a crowd or FTN! alone. Ive been doing it for years.

Sometimes we have to FTN! ourselves. Look at the choices we've made, the changes we've allowed others to instill in us. Sometimes, we have to FTN! people we care about. Sometimes we have to FTN! people we love. True tyranny is not one entities control over many. It is being indifferent about losing oneself. THAT above all else, deserves the ultimate F.T.N!

The Kitty Bish

Click Click Boom!

2009-06-21T07:22:00.000-07:00

Cliques are funny. It's like channel surfing except they are real people frolicking around in their own little world right there in front of you. Think back to high school a second, or a minute or two for you grandmas, and try to remember that one clique that really got to you.

For some, it was the Jocks, those dimwitted active sacks of yummy meat. Maybe it was the Goths, so misunderstood and non comformists who all dressed alike and hated the world together for the same non-existant reasons. Maybe it was the Nerds, those poor defenseless pipsqueaks who werent getting any play but damn if their virginal asses werent going to Harvard. My personal favorite to observe was the Self Proclaimed Bad Girls Club. Mind you, I didnt like them or hate them. They were more like the car accident on the highway that you just couldnt stop watching though it was a hideous sight to see; beneficial to my twisted sense of amusement and yet they pulled at my heart strings of pity.

The Kitty Bish do have some love for The Bad Girls Club and heres why...Who isnt amused by the self proclamations. You had the offical Hard Ass, the Slut, the High Class Snob, the Manipulator, the Snitch, the Glamour God, the list goes on and on of what these bitches called themselves. Whether they walked around with a tag or just plain old flaunted their mental deficiency, I was titilated. I like that word cuz it has tit in it. DONT JUDGE ME!

Better still are the girls who grow up holding on to their tags. Its like a haggard Miss America still talking about that shit and practicing the wave 50 years later. Even better than that are the ones who gave themselves tags later on in life because they were nobodies way back when. Talk about making up for lost time. These girls grew into desperate women for whatever reasons, insert pathetic sob story of tragedy/loss/abuse here, and somehow are convinced they can use that to skate by.

NEWSFLASH: These "Bad Girls" wouldnt last a fucking day, a second, not even a nano-second in actual reality. Time to take off the rose colored glasses ladies and wake the fuck up. The Kitty Bish has watched far too many people over the years play their sad little games and in turn, do anything they can to stay at the top...but at the top of what? Behind EVERY supposed bad girl is someone who has planted a seed, who has pulled the puppet strings and made these grotesque hoes do the jig. Because I have so much love for these lost little women, I feel the need to be the giver of gifts. I'm your FTN! Santa Claus bitches. Do not sit on my lap as your crab infestation may somehow get onto my leg. Im not all about the itchy seafood so you just keep your nasty taco at bay and I'll happily launch my gifts at your face.

For the slut: A can of Lysol. Use as directed. DIRECTIONS: Stick into your nasty loose floppy sloppy stinky crusty moldy vaggy hole and clamp down. This should activate the fumegation process and in no time you will either die of poisoning or at least have a pine smelling cream hole.

For the hard ass: Laxatives. While you are stuck on the shitter dwelling on your daddy issues, take some time to realize that there is always someone tougher, stronger, smarter and just overall better than you. Face reality and once your raw asshole is done vomiting, feel free to get off your high horse and wake the fuck up. YOU ARE NOT UNTOUCHABLE. Kitty Bish loves this line and knows it to be true for a fact...the bigger the skeazer, the harder that hoe falls!

For the high class snob: A trash can. Throw all of your materialistic shit in this trash can...stfu its a really big one okay! Once all of your shit is in this trash can, you are free to set the trashcan on fire, pick up said blazing trash can and flip over to rest over your snooty little head. Feel free to turn your nose down now so you can get the full effect. Once your shit is taken away, you're just a nobody with nothing. Should've spent more time on a personality huh? HER FACE, HER FACE, HER FACE IS ON FIRE, WE DONT NEED NO WATER, LET THE COCKSUCKER BURN!

The manipulator: A pair of scissors. These are to cut the strings. As much as you are convinced you are running the show, you arent. You are doing the dance just as your puppet master wants you to. You're just too fucking stupid to see it. Feel free to stab out your eyeballs after cutting the strings. There is no reason for this other than it will make me laugh. Thank you kindly.

The Snitch: A self help book. This person is also known as an ass kisser, title chaser, attention whore. Though I doubt you can read, here at FTN! we are hoping that you will at least get to the chapter where you have some breakthrough and realize that you are only doing what you do because you feel all sad about yourself because someone called you fat or stupid or ugly or some shit as a child. Get the fuck over it and be an adult. I like this type the least because they are the most pathetic. Oh the poor victim. Look up martyr.

The Glamour God: Soap and Water. Besides the fact that you fucking wreak of bacterial sludge, clean off your face and stare in a mirror. Mask it all you want but no Revlon, no new skin or hairstyle, no new clothes or fly kicks are going to take away from the fact that you are an ugly fucking human being. Feel free to shove said bar of soap in your nether regions. In 2020, it may finally be sanitized.

Now, here at FTN! we are all about redemption. There is nothing to say that these sad little people cant change. Maybe but it is ever doubtful. They usually turn into really nasty looking ladies you avoid at the grocery store who talk to themselves and reminisce about that one time they meant something somewhere, to someone. Feel free to go to your nearest Grocer and pick up the items mentioned, hand them out immedietly. Hell make a little gift basket. Though I love you for the laughs...SELF PROCLAIMED BAD GIRLS WHO ARE JUST SAD LITTLE SHEEP...F.T.N!

~Special thanks to AMABOO for the idea for this post, mad love and shit

~The Kitty Bish

Anal Leakage says WHA?

2009-06-07T10:30:00.000-07:00

So theres a guy and he kills babies for a living, late term baby killing. This is sad. This is wrong. This makes me want to maim stupid peoples faces with monkey wrenches.

There is a good religious little man. He hates late term baby killers. He thinks "well by golly gee fucking willigers, Ill go kill the baby killer in the name of my lord because Im all sorts of hip and shit."

Demented religious man kills baby killer man in...church.

Okay I hate 4 people in this situation. And heres why. (If you think you'll be offended by me talking abortion and religion, LEAVE NOW! Thats the only warning Im giving, if you dont know me by now, you surely will want to run. kbye.)

I hate baby killer man. Now, this is not the talking belly whore whos dancing on the stripper pole type of baby killing. This is real life, baby is six months old so Imma put a pair of scissors in its skull and kill this baby type of baby. This is a touchy area as people blast in morals and ethics and religion, because religion solves all woes and starts all wars, but thats neither here nor there. BUT YOU KILL BABIES! LIKE FOR REALS! YOU KILL BABIES! Whether you believe the late term thing officially makes it wrong, or its wrong to you all the way around or you are very much into baby killing and punting with itty bitty midgets, I mean hell, I dont know you...the guy kills babies...he is offically not cool in my book of coolness.
I hate the lady who waited 6 months to kill her baby. WTF WERE YOU DOING FOR 6 GOD DAMN MONTHS. I dont touch on whether she should or not to begin with because I dont know these chicks, I mean she could have been raped or has a terminal disease, who fucking knows. What I do know is your ass waited 6 MOTHERFUCKING MONTHS to make the choice. Because Oprah had your attention in month 3 and that pint of Ben and Jerry's took up month 5...I mean really people! Were you in the fucking bathroom? Did you wake up after hybernating and go "HOLY FUCKNUGGETS BATMAN, THIS IS NOT A FULL TUMMY FROM MCDONALDS, THIS IS A FUCKING BABY!!!!" -.- You are officially not in my book of coolness.
I hate the guy who killed the baby killer. Okay Mr. Religion. Because if my memory serves me correctly for the like 2 days I payed attention in confirmation class it was this...the old testament was out! Lutherans dont follow that no more hombre. No eye for an eye. You need to keep reading. Cuz for reals, you cant like half ass read that book, I mean I know in Exodus its all like "and someone begot someone and then they begot somebody else and they begot more fucking people," but seriously...like...wait was it Exodus. Maybe it was Ruth...god damn thats an ugly name. Side note, if you decide to not kill your baby in month 7, dont name the kid Ruth. Thats just fucked up. This guy and anyone who names their kid Ruth is not in my book of coolness.
I hate religious people who are sooooo stoked that baby killer man got killed by religious man. I am speaking from personal fucking experience here. There is nothing scarier then seeing a self proclaimed religious gangsta talk about how fucking awesome it was to hear that the baby killer got a cap busted in his baby killing ass. IM NOT JOKING HERE PEOPLE! This comes from a 40 year old religious woman, of the same demonination as the baby killers killer. "And what better place to recieve judgment then in the house of god." Um seriously...okay so tell the bums now, CHURCH IS NOT SAFE! You will get shot there! Clean up the pews and pay your fucking tithing thingies cuz they will shoot you. In the face. These people are really not in my cool book, for reals!

My personal opinions on abortion and religion are so not relevant in this situation. The story I see here is simple, baby killer mutilates babies who had a fucking chance. Religious man thinks he got skills and permission to alleviate the world of Baby Killer Scissorhands. Religious people, some not all, back this psycho up. No one is right in this situation. And if I was actually one of any faith, I would say little Baby Jesus in a tutu-Allah-Vishnu Caravan-Buddha-Princess Di would so be really pissed the fuck off right now. Stop doing stupid shit in the name of your God. If they wanted it done...THEIR FUCKING GOD, THEY WOULD HAVE DONE IT YOU DRIPPY ANAL SACK! ffs!

Weird people who take up the cover of the newspaper and make it hard for me to find the movie listing sections...F.T.N!

P.S. And if your gonna kill baby killer man, dont shoot him, stab him in the head with a pair of scissors...now thats Karma and makes for a way better Lifetime T.V movie...kbye!

Hey Fucknugget...COME ON DOWNNNNN!

2009-06-07T09:56:00.000-07:00

The world never ceases to amaze me. Nor do the people in it. I refer to both lives as it is an ever present coincidence that asshats flock into all plains of my sight. With unwavering manipulation, the drones and sheep of the world follow through on their masters daily plans. Moving like cattle, they do as they are told, think what they assume should be thought and react only under prying eyes in a way that will deliver them a smile from judgement.
In just a short matter of time, I have observed and experienced, firsthand, the self-mutilation called comformity. If thats not a word, I just made it up so shut the fuck up and keep readng. Or not, I could really care less at this point. Is the kitty Bish angry, sure, why the fuck wouldnt she be? Is the faint remnants of the chick beyond just a little pissed off, even more so. Because there is no form of escape from the tyrants of the world. The ever present untouchables.
In either life, the sight of little minions scurrying about doing the biddings of their owners is a shameful thing to see. It is even more shameful to hear no voice stand up against such blatant stupidity and control.
Let me be the first to say, the things I find important may mean absolutely nothing to you. And vice versa. You may want a talking belly and the white picket fence in one life and the party girl demeanor in the next. You may want the party girl demeanor because you have the stay at home stuck in a rut syndrome. Fuck if I know, fuck if I care.
My heartfelt annoyance of the day, week, month and year is people who assume that their priority should be yours. For a hypocrite, it is easy to tell a stranger or even a friend, a coworker, a soldier in battle...to get the fuck over something. When in all actuality, lifes traumas...trials and tribulations effect us all. Remind me to cry for you over the stupidest fucking thing when the world is facing much bigger issues then you and your demented ideas of relevance.
We all wear masks and we play the game and we put up a front and we say its all real and its all life and its all meaningful and we're such good friends and family and peers and elders and this and that and the next. But the level of selfishness that spews from the lips of babes makes me want to projectile vomit.
If I hear one more person say, "well but I've been through this and I dealt with it," I swear to the all mighty Allah, Buddha, King motherfucking Tut Baby Jesus in a tutu, I will personally make it my mission to ruin your god damned existance. Since when did this become "My trauma can top yours?" Is this a new game show I fucking missed? Because the ratings suck and you should feel utterly ashamed of your lack of emotion and brain matter. Would I stare in the eyes of a Cancer patient and say, "well sucks to be you but um yeah...I got into a car accident and it costs money so dont come crying to me," NO I WOULDNT YOU IDIOTIC SORRY EXCUSE FOR A FUCKING HUMAN BEING! WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! Would I look at the AIDS patient and say, "hey yeah, wow that blows but damn if my hemroids aint acting up," UM YEAH THATS A BIG FUCKING HELL TO THE NO!
But if it makes people feel better to play the "I CAN TOP YOUR PAIN GAME," be my motherfucking guest. But be prepared to be deemed a worthless piece of shit. A waste of air. A fearful example of what the youth will grow up striving to be. Pack your bags now lil children and run for cover because if these are the people you have to look up to, I pity you and the shitty life you will lead.
Ive watched people be idolized, fucking worshipped for being tyrants. Ive watched people cover up and make excuses for the unexcusable behaviour of mentally unstable cuntscabs. In our world, whichever you so feel inclined to apply this letter of hate to, employers can DEMAND that you choose work over family, family can stab you in the back and face and smile behind fakeness so pungent, maggots blow chunks, friends can abolish bonds based on unvalidated grievances and then send spies to keep tabs, like a kitty bish dont know.
Let me put out this warning right fucking now: IF YOU DONT LIKE WHAT I SAY, DEAL WITH IT OR BOUNCE! There is but one voice, one chance, one truth and I refuse to be cattle and say what you want me to say. Im gonna scream to the motherfucking mountains, how I want to, when I want to. I dont very much look good in wool and it makes me itchy, so being a sheep, in ANY life, is NOT an option for me.
Feel free to talk shit amongst yourselves, I'll be sunbathing on my beach. That is all. Oh...almost forgot...

ANYONE who things their priority NEEDS to be my priority...F.T.N!!!!!!!

P.S. If you really want to stress your brain on who this is about, let me let you in something. Theres a 99.9% chance its someone you dont know, will never know so feel free to assume away. Then again, as shitty as people are, Im so fucking sure it can or will apply to someone you do or will know. Hate to break it to you, but they are out there, EVERYWHERE.

2009-06-05T18:55:00.000-07:00

Kitty Bish has been silent...
Kitty Bish feels like talking...

Give it a few beers...

Stay tuned bitches *hiss*

Dun Dun Dun Dunnnn

2009-05-19T17:23:00.001-07:00

Ladies and Gentleman, may I have your attention please!

As you may have noticed, if you've checked your mailbox any time within the past couple of weeks, tis the season for endless "I do's." In the spirit of this inevitable and ridiculous time of year, I am happy to say just some of my donts. Now, this is not to be a scrooge about the whole lovey dovey cutesy bullshit everyone seems so excited about. This is just a simple reminder that for every one couple that will see Autumn, the other 10 pairs will be with someone new, fucking their brains out, all while not thinking about their ex "partner for eternity." (Apparently eternity now means Memorial Day to Labor Day.) So, without further ado...

DONT invite every person you have ever met, seen, heard of, use to know, kinda know, think you might know, or wore the same shirt as last week just to fill up those god awful pews. These people do not care if you get married, they dont care if you get partnered, hell...they dont care if you are breathing let alone tying the knot. Spare them, spare them all.
DONT change the date 15 times in a week. This is just rude and comes off as if you think you are somehow very important. Now I know what you are thinking, "but I am important," well, heres the news kiddo...not enough for me to miss my 5pm nail appointment on Tuesday, my lunch date on Thursday or my Salsa dance on Saturday. Quite frankly, Id rather get a call from my doped up OBGYN saying she needs to stick a scope up my urethra blindfolded in a dirty alley then sit thru your wedding, so feel free to just stick to one date I can decline on.
DONT make a big deal if this is wedding number 5 for you. The feeling of excitement and genuine joy for you dwindles each time we are reminded just how much of a sloppy failure of a hoe you are. Wedding one failed, meh, shit happens. Wedding two failed, well you should have put out more. Wedding three failed, damn it...you sack of anal crust, you put out to the wrong guy. Wedding four failed...okay you have to know him at least a week for christs sake...you see where Im going with this. By wedding five, you are lucky if I give you a "hey. grats." let alone attend.
DONT reserve a huge fucking church with a pastor/priest/rabbi/shaman and expect people to sit thru two hours of poppycock bullshit you call a service. Dear baby jesus, please acknowledge this matrimony as it is holy and blessed now and until she creates an alt to fuck his best bro only after he tps that stripper in to get some head. AMEN! We know your deal, having some clean cut wedding isnt going to hide your nasty ways. Mind as well keep it true and invite everyone to a little shack in the woods where anyone can gang bang you while your man jacks off while talking some emo jive. Oh wait, thats the reception.
DONT waste money/time/energy/photoshop skills making those invites. I dont ever open them. Just hit me up with the date and I would be glad to say no immediately.
DONT make a wedding group. I can only have 25 groups in my rolodex, do you think this group is important enough to stay? Dont rush, just think about it....NOPE! it sure aint. REMOVE!
DONT wear those stupid fucking tags, "Mrs. SOANDSO," "MR. SOANDSO," "JUST MARRIED," These are lame and for the love of the heavenly dalilamidingdong, do you really need to stretch out your 15 minutes of attention whoring into an endless reminder of how sad you truly are?
DONT expect a gift. Call me cheap, call me something, but be sure not to call me asking wtf your gift is. You know what your gift is, its these new fucking shoes Im rockin', what you think about that? Sweet huh? Yeah I thought so, thats why I bought them for myself you soggy turd.
DONT ask me to be in your wedding. I mean you could but heres the honest truth. I will just hit up everyone in the crowd and talk about how lame it is/ how fat your ass looks in that dress (not in the good way), probably go afk for the whole thing and make a sammich, or I will engage in some fine distant sex, getting my major freaky dick suckage on while you are saying "I do,"...."Do you kitty bish, feel like cumming up and down the aisle...why yes, yes I do!" Hah, mine is better then yoursssss! Suckers!
DONT cry to me, wave at me, sulk by me when it fails. I wont say it but I told you so, I told you so neener neener pumpkin eater, I so told you so you moronic assclown, you walking fecal marshmallow man, you idiotic vaginal secretion. You are a fucking joke and Im sooooo laughing at you right now.
and last but not least...DONT assume that because Im not the wedding chick that I dont think its a beautiful thing. Oh no, my dears. I think a wedding can be magic, fluffy and all that mushy bullshit you so happen to think is crucial. But if its so god damn meaningful between you and your booboogonnadumbyousoon, have it in private, in a hidden place, behind the walls of a beautiful castle, in the hills of a snowy mountain, on a boat over oceanic waves, between you and the person of your hearts desire. That my dears, is a wedding Im all about not attending and all about supporting. Everything else is quite frankly faking that, "look at us, dont we look happy, please tell us we look happy, for the love of god why wont you say we look happy, do you think he's cheating, do you think he knows I am," happiness. And to that...I say F.T.N!

Happy Weddings =) I also do ba mitzvahs and quinceniras

Cause...Effect

2009-05-19T17:16:00.000-07:00

Pulling no stops, I have no love, compassion or respect for anyone who can/chooses to address people with no regard for emotions that may follow. Yes, the kitty bish is brash and in your face, but at the end of the day, if I make you cry, the least I could do and would do is offer your weepy ass a hankie.
For the rest of you, get your head out of your ass and realize that every person you meet, every face you make, everything you say and ESPECIALLY how you choose to say it can be the end all/be all of a situation. FTN! is all about saying what you want to say, a gift given to us in this creation that we should utilize with certainty and conviction. In that same notion, feel free to reep the benefits, both positive and negative from the things you say and how you choose to deliver them. Because even in this pretty world where people can do what they like, there is always repercussions. Enjoy them. I say that with sincerity and only the slightest glint of vengance in my eye. FTN!

Not So Random Randoms

2009-04-30T12:00:00.000-07:00

Has it really been that long? Damn, I'm a bad dealer. Well, dont fret FTNers, here's your fix.
In the past week or so, I've come across several instances that just pain my cockels...yep I said cockels, deal with it. I have no actual idea what this word means but it sounds like cock and thats good enough for me. Haters. FTN!

On two seperate occassions, unless there are some alts I should know about, I've heard girls talking about guys who have basically up and left them but cant decide if they should stay. I'll be fair and say that the two situations are very different. One just got dooped. The other, well the guy was up front and had a not so bad reason for not being around. Now here's where I do feel the dire sense of urgency, can you tell I'm just losing sleep over this, to say something. Because these chicks are actually cool chicks. I wasnt meant to be nice but I'll give kudos where they are due. Okay, maybe a little whiney, dont take it personally, but overall very cool. So what the fuck is there to think about? Guy doesnt exist...move the fuck on. What exactly are you waiting for? And why is it the cool bitches get left in the dust while those pancake faced triple G crusty snatches with bad hair are still getting the dick? I just cant wrap my lil kitty brain around this one. Oh dear baby jesus, the agony. FTN!

What the fuck is it with the emos? Is there an epidemic? It's like some sad overdone version of the swine flu, except in this case, these bastards will not go away. (No offense to all my clean pigs out there, I loves me my bacon and I'm not prejudice, I will eat you all with equal hunger.) There are different levels of emo which I'm sure I will cover another day (makes a note of that) but for right now, here's a general comment. STOP YOUR SHIT! MOPEY WEIRD CONVERSATIONS ARE THE REASON NO ONE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU! You are like a a fucking monsoon, a tsunami of annoyance, a hurricane of stupidity, a tornado of asshat conditions. Yes, you are miserable, oh dear heavens...your existance sucks balls. Well Sir Fluffsalot, whos fault is that? Yours, so how bout you shut the fuck up and keep that unorginal sob story to yourself. You are as new as Paris Hiltons cooch. Thats so hawt. -.- FTN!

"It doesn't matter if I'm ugly, I'm a good person on the inside." Only ugly people say that shit. Someone, I'm sure your crab infested mother or that guy you think is your father told you that garbage, but they lied. Yes, I am vain. I dont deny it, I dont hide it. I only like smexy people (thats smart and sexy combined, dont be a twatbaby!) and that's that. I might forgive you if this so called "good person on the inside" had a decent personality. Hey! I said might. But even then, you fail. You fail miserably. Your ugliness offends me and you should be ashamed of yourself. Seeing the turnout, I'm sure your mother wishes the one test she'd flunked in middle school was that pregnancy test. Yes, yo mama was a hoe, sorry to break it to you. FTN!

"Will you be my friend?" Here's a question for you...are you still talking? Even better, are you still breathing? Rewind and lets head back to grade school on the playground when the cool kids were picking sides for dodgeball, right after fucking your mother, see above..."Will you be my friend?" equates to being one of two people...the little tubby who you know can't outrun, throw or catch the god damn ball or the scrawny kid who looks like he'd break, piss his pants and have an asthma attack if the ball comes within twenty feet of his face i.e LAME! Give me something good to work with, how about "stalking starts now," or "free titty fucks for life." You see how much clearer our friendship just became? FTN!

This one will probably bug a few people I know. Woohoo for having my friends list cleared out for me. What the fuck is it with you people only wearing black. Red maybe, because thats going all out. Maybe it's your very original idea of high fashion or maybe you are just lazy. This follows the rule of changing your fucking clothes at least once a day. There are these things and they are called colors and you should try them. They are not a bad thing, I promise. They are right up there with wiping, brushing your teeth and using D.O for your B.O. AND IF ONE MORE STUPID MOTHERFUCKER tells me I couldnt possibly be something because I happen to wear pink or blue or any other non black item, so help you god I will rip your droopy little sack to shreds and introduce it to your asshole, literally. Get a fucking clue. You are boring and I hate your face. FTN!

You ever been in that situation and youre dancing in the club with some fine piece of ass, mmm mmm bitches and right when you are about to do some major lickage, everything freezes up. A century later, you can move again, the guy is thinking you dissed his ass tapping skills and you cant see shit because Ms. Buckfuckingcherry7.0 decides she is so god damn important, she has to poof in with sparkles and butterflies and lilac bursts. WHO THE FUCK MADE THIS SHIT!?!? I want names, numbers, postal boxes so I can send you each a dead baby seal stuffed with feces! This is my gift to you, straight from my little black heart. I dont know who I hate more, the pieces of shit who created these poofers or the nasty anal leakage that chooses to wear them. Because of you, I just lagged something awful and missed my shot to lick that fine motherfucker I was talking to you about! You owe me some mind blowing fucking sex right now you scheming pussy popping cock blocking sorry excuse of life. I fucking hate you and I hope you die...five minutes ago! FTN!

If you were born an elf and then ate a piece of chex and became a drow who then drank some dirty water and turned into a pixie before falling into a tub of margerine to be resurrected as a vampire only after being a princess neko Dom Sub bunny goat, you are not creative, you are not a shapesifter person thingymabob, you my dear ARE FUCKING CONFUSED! Theres this thing, its called being a schizo but even for your type, I dont think thats the case. Take this pill and swallow it. Its not trying new things, its you feeling the need to start over every god damn week because yet again, you fucked up the new persona, you bombed, tanked, failed! How bout you try a new role, its called permanently logged. That one will suit you just fine. Hell, it'll suit me just fine. Thanks for playing, k now bye bye then. FTN!

Heres an idea! LETS OPEN A CLUB! Because I can dj (setting up a playlist and never talking or engaging people) and um yeah what else do we need, okay four walls, how bout red floors, orange walls and oooo we need a stripper pole. We'll make millions! STOP OPENING CLUBS YOU HALF ASSED MONKEY COCKSUCKING DOUCHEBAGS! This place is not a club, its a dirty living room! You have officially wasted the thirty seconds it too me to find you in search, tp in and out. I just had a seizure from all of the colors and I am suing! RIGHT NOW! Though you wont be able to pay me because your club will be closed in two days. Hey, Im an optimist. FTN!

STOP BUILDING! You fucking suck! If I see one more 1000L 10 prim house for sale with every generic freebie wall paper used, Im going to shit in someones mamas mouth! I swear, Ill fucking do it and scrape her face like its cat litter when Im done. You dont have talent, just accept this. Its for your own good. And your mamas. FTN!

And with that my dear FTNers, Im done. It has been a pleasure. Yes, I am vulgar and I say all the wrong things. Deal with it. Mad love to non annoying bitchassness and all that jazz. Dont forget to tip your DJ...the good ones...Ill be here all week.

SAY IT WITH ME.... F.T.N.

Pet Peeves

2009-04-19T02:31:00.000-07:00

Anyone who remotely knows the Kitty Bish knows that there are many pet peeves that could go on this list, hell, FTN! was basically started off of the simple concept of being able to say fuck that confidently to all of those things. Some are more serious then others, some get under my skin a bit quicker, some are based on the Kitty Bishes existance alone and some are outside elements too annoying to ignore, either way...FTN! to all of that...

Girls who cant admit they masturbate. Listen here ladies, if you dont, you should, that shit is healthy. And no one can fuck you like you can. Get in touch with yourself, its really a kickass relationship, never have to ask how anyone else is feeling, can take up the whole bed doing it and you can go as fast or slow, last as long or as short as you wanna and the end result is always the same, if you touch it, you will cum. There is no shame in this.
Anyone with more then ten letters in their name. If you have a number in your name, I especially hate you. I think I've touched based on this before but you just refuse to die already so I feel the need to remind you. Being "Peaches&Creme2 Boucher" makes you fucking lame. Was Peaches&Creme1 taken? Ironically, some other moron thought of that exact same name? You should both choke on a peach, like...five minutes ago.
ANYONE who uses "thats so gay" as a way to say "thats so bad." I hate these people, loathe. And if you dont find this offensive, feel free to replace it with a color, race, gender, creed and get my drift. Its ugly and though people can be as ugly as they want to be, we all have our moments, this is a "you got beat with the ugly stick moment" that isnt easily forgivable. I might end up liking Peaches&Creme2 Boucher if she is actually interesting, cant, on the other hand, like the loser who uses "thats so gay." Thats just asshat verbage.
Any stripper who includes the words "wet" and their genitals in the same sentence when performing. Shake those titties girl but feel free to keep your wet vagina off the stage. Dont rub your stiff penis against the pole and please dont wag your plump anus at me. This makes me nausceous.
Complimenting my choice in clothing is fine. Saying you like my look, kudos. I know Im pretty damn smexy, I dont blame you. But please, take a whopping two seconds and think of something better then "you make that scarf look magical." Do I look like fucking Aladdin, is there a fucking carpet ride next? You are offically a dipshit and I hate your face.
People who send random pictures to you without involving it in a discussion beforehand. The ineviatble question will arise..."how do I look," and because you gave me no fair warning, I am forced to tell the truth, because lying takes me at least five seconds to work out. Why do people ask "How do I look?" Because you dont really want to know, you want to hear..."omfg you look amazing." So feel free to set up this unwarrented Q&A session with "dont I look fabulous and if you dont say yes Ill pout pathetically and then remove you from my friendship roladex."
Flip floppers. Either you like her or you dont. Get with it people. This goes for girls too. Just make up your mind. If you dont, let it go and move the fuck on. If you do, say something now because no one is gonna chase anyone around here, at least no one I know and I only know smexy bishes. Cuz thats how I roll.
Fair Weathers. This is the friend that either A. only wants to talk to you when things are perfect for you but doesnt give you the time of day when things arent so swell or B. abuses the friendship gesture on the other spectrum and only talks to you when they need to say just how much they hate their life because their cat died and their ovaries wont stop bleeding and they ran out of lube so their asshole really does burn. Seriously...get it together.
People who act like they know you because you hang in the same perimeter. No bitch, we aint friends, you lucky Im even letting you breathe my air right now.
Anyone who thinks pachulli is a good scent.
Hating me because someone in your crew hates me. This makes you a sheep. Feel free to get to know me and I will definitely be glad to give you a reason to hate me, one that you can savor all on your own.
Anyone who tps and lands on me and doesnt immedietely fucking move. I know a Kitty Bish is the most pussy youve gotten close to in heaven knows how long but Im not volunteering.
People who quote other peoples opinions about them to get you to see they are good people. I dont give a flying fuck if Princess Di thought you was the shit. The Dali Lama coulda been your homie...we aint friends so their opinion dont mean squat. And even if me and Dali were fuck buddies, I still wouldnt take his word for it. You want me to think you're hot shit, show me something and something quick, a bish got things to do.

I am no longer in the mood to write anything so that is all. And I would just like to point out to my FTNers that you lazy bastards dont leave comments or send me any new FTN! moments so either you are in the group to have a tag with the word FUCK in it or you just aint interested. Either way, I can only write this shit for myself for so long before I too will get bored. If I dont hear squat, Ill assume you people are wiping your ass with these words versus getting anything out of them. This is an active group so feel free participate or FTN! to you too. And PS - if you are wiping, its FRONT TO BACK! Kbye! FTN til the end!

Puncturing An Artery

2009-04-16T14:23:00.000-07:00

All good things come to those who wait. I think you've waited long enough. Now is an opportune time to touch base on a pivotal nugget of information.
Just a couple of nights ago, the restless Kitty Bish was informed of an enlightening and ever so humorous slew of events. But for you to understand the magnitude to which these events are important, you have to know a little story. Grab some popcorn...
Ready? Okayyyy

There once was a white haired cunt that we'll call Wayla. Now this ghetto bootied hoe must've been smoking the bad cheeba because she actually fell for a grotesque illiterate bastard, we'll call him Dork. These two had some mushy ass romance way back, I still think she was drugged, but their story and connection ended a very long time ago (over a year). I guess Mr. Speak and Spell felt all lonely and needy so he and his little winkie decided to move on to squishy pastures, which is where Im sure he met the cow he is with now...we'll call this thing Lisper. Weyla moved on like a smart hoe. (She is definitely not in the Walmart category of hoeism). Ms. Lispy apparently has yet to do so, then again, I cant blame her since being with Mr. No Brain Dead Beat Man Boob Loser Extraordinaire must be some work.

Now my little petunias, you must be wondering, "Oh great FTN! Kitty Bish, why do you bless us with such a story?" - And if you dont, I kill your face. My dear beloved FTNers, it has come to light that people just dont know when to let the past be the past. Just the other night, an alt of no recognition left a fellow FTNer (Thats Leyla if your moronic ass missed the Weyla/Leyla thingy...keep up people!) an offline.

Now this offline was a copy and paste of the cows (thats Lisper whos real name is Whisper BTW) profile. I feel the need to share this and since "someone" felt the need to send it to Leyla in such a pussified care package as an offline (yes, lets wait for her to be gone before we bulk up...under an alt -.- ) I see no reason to not share it with you. And so it said *ahem*

Titled - The Game That Is Secondlife
"Smiles Knowingly....So now that no one cares or is looking...I will say it...****I WIN**** OMG did I win...mmhmmm." End Note
*gags and pukes and feels her braincells jumping ship on this one*

-.-

Could there be any bigger of a miscalculation on this heffers part? Please tell me what the incentive was on sending this to the white haired cunt? Another bag of Funyuns? A double cheeseburger? A soda pop, I mean really...you won? Thats just pitiful. I dont know about the rest of you, but last I checked, if I was super happy, I sure wouldnt have the time, nor wish to spend it if I did on tracking down my mans ex, getting all up on the alt, copying, pasting, sending this lame shit out and then of course, standing by to see a reaction. You think this is happiness? WRONG! Face it, you're bored, I would be too, Ive seen him. Maybe he took too long getting off the short bus, maybe you got tired driving it. Who the hell knows, but in all actuality, there isnt a thing you could post, say, do to show you're happy except...SHUT THE FUCK UP! This would also make the rest of us happy as well.

"Now no one cares or is looking"
Along with sending an offline, this statement will hereby offically be labeled your self proclamation of being a pussy. Of course no one is looking or cares, I do believe fecal matter gets more coverage on a weekly basis then the sight of your face or the dysfunctional ramblings of that odd shaped mouth of yours. But kudos to you for finally being seen, it only took one year, an alt, an offline and oh who the hell knows how many hours of chugging some hard liquor to effectively stimulate those beer goggles you call your perception. It it with deep sympathy that I look down at you, yes down because there isnt a shadow of a doubt in my mind that I am and always will be better than you, and say this...get.a.fucking.clue. But thank you for throwing yourself into the spotlight, Ive always wanted to know what regurgitated horse shit looks like.

The biggest laugh of all...you win? Really? Now, what exactly did you win? What was this grand prize you boast of? Thats like gloating you won a broken McDonalds toy, which is where you'll probably be eating all of your dinners here on out with his broke ass. You should be so proud.

Oh yes, this is a personal attack. This is the Kitty Bish saying a little too much a little too soon but you know something, FTN! I dont judge anyones existance. You want to mix your 1st and 2nd life, thats your biz. You want to rp til your eyes bleed, you want to mix, double dip, suck on brain candy, find friends, fill a void, be inspired, I DONT CARE! To each their own. I give out the same amount of respect on that front as I expect and rightfully demand. The bone I have to pick is someone who obviously did take it outside of the box and yet cant just fucking die already, wanting to try to fuel an unlightable fire in a world that should be solely for peoples enjoyment.

I'd whisper but only cowards fuck with that nonsense, so Ill say this one loud and clear, you wanna play the hardcore chick, be prepared to back your shit up and dont wait a year. Pobrecita..you waited a fucking year. This is me laughing at you because you fail. Feel free to spend some more nights contemplating how you will try to inflict a wound on the white haired cunt. She is currently in dispose but I would be glad to say a few choice words to irrational, irresponsible, irritating and quite frankly annoying as fuck individuals.

You see, we pick out battles here at FTN! and one battle stands the test of time. This circle right here is like family to me and that is the one thing I would be glad to puncture an artery for. Im sure Leyla would feel almost sad for you but she too has moved on to much bigger and much better things. Quite frankly, I think rather than talking shit, you really should be sending her flowers and thank yous, shes been there done that and trained the little shit as much as she could along the way. Though some dogs really should just be put down, never can get them to buck up.

FTNers, I say this as genuinely as is possible for the Kitty Bish, when dealing with cowards like these, people who could actually fail at being malicious, you want to take pity. You want to throw them a bone. This is mine. When dealing with people who mix for the sake of mixing, be prepared to deal with people who dont realize you have a life outside of this existance we call SL. Not everyone mixes, some people are just untouchable. Enjoy them for what they are, for what they do share with you, and if that be the body that is in front of you, a segment of the mind they are willing to divulge, feel honored. Do not shame me by trying to coax or trying to start drama when they have obviously moved on to better things. This makes you sad. The white haired cunt is free game, go postal for all I care. That entity can manage and probably enjoys the fight. But the one behind it...that one is untouchable. You couldnt compare, not even if you spent a lifetime trying. Not in a 2nd, a 3rd, a 16th life coming back as the ultimate could you compare. So give it a rest, its old, its ugly and gosh darn it, you look like a tard.

Complete Moronic Fugly Dead Beats and The Saggy Twat Faces Who Worship Them Because Their Both Highly Codependant And Extremely Low And Someone HAS To Be The Next Bowel Movement Of The Earth...On the next GERALDO!

F.T.N!

P.S. Ill be looking for my offline. I fucking dare you.
*Giggles* Now I Win =)

FREE CLINIC

2009-04-07T09:30:00.000-07:00

For the easily offended...run while you can.

We've seen em, we've heard em. Those damn bellies. Okay ladies, this ones for you. What the fuck is your major malfunction. Dont get me wrong, you want to rock out in your own way, I surely dont hate. I be a kitty and I likey it as such. But involuntary conversations with your fetus is not my cup of tea. This sort of reminds me of a girl I knew who shall remain nameless who rocked out with the talking butthole. Your belly is officially in the same category as a winking chatty anus.

So maybe its cute for like a day. If that. But then I start hearing details about your excess baggage I care not to know. Did your fetus just fart and why is it doing the macarena? Aww, it just pooed a little...into your lower intestine. Why do I care?

Dont even get me started on the strippers who rock the pole while their little baby to be waves at every sleazy motherfucker who comes into the club. Isnt that why you are knocked up in the first place, because your dirty cooch was too close to the pole?

The talking belly is just about as cute as seeing someone squeeze open one of their herpes sores and licking it. Did you just gag? WELL YOU SHOULD because its gross! Just gross and I hereby label today ANTI-TALKING BELLY FETUS BABY DAY!

Thanks to a fellow FTN! member, FTN! will officially be doing our part to stop the madness. For just FREE 99, yep you heard me, FREE 99! For that unmistakably low price, all members of FTN! will gladly relieve you of the waste that is the talking belly. We offer many options for removal. Feel free to peruse the menu.

Package A - A good old fashioned kick to the talking belly. Mild pain and not guarenteed but well worth a try if you are a first timer.
Package B - A select few stabs with rusty ice picks delivered by our team of experts. These are pros so dont you worry youre pretty little head. Bleeding may occur but look on the bright side, this will give you a new excuse to fix up that damned shape of yours, ya look like you're hiding a bag of potatos in your girdle.
Package C - (My personal favorite) A few swift kicks and stabs to your face to remind you just how stupid it is for you to have a talking belly to begin with, followed by three consecutive sessions of being run over by an SUV while simultaneously being set on fire. Oh and the boyfriend/hubby/partner and or random guy who splooged in your cooch to cause this horrific incident is not left out. He will enjoy a nice breaking of the peen, twice while being forced to watch the entire first season of The Brady Bunch.

Here at FTN! we are all about family. Just not yappy annoying gassy ones who havent even popped out yet and totally interfere with us getting out fuck on in public places! That is all. Happy to help.

ASK FTN - ~Triflin~

2009-03-31T16:04:00.000-07:00

I am happy to say I got my first official Ask FTN Letter in the mail and gosh gee willigers, Im stoked. The letter is in my own words, mind you, as the writer is currently under witness protection for knowing far too much information about something I cant know about because I dun wanna be in witness protection too and if I told you, we would all have to go there and I dont know where there is so STFU and stop asking stupid questions you monkey motherfuckers! Sheesh!

*Puts on reading glasses for intellectual effects* Ahem...

My Dearest FTN
(I already like this letter)
There is a guy, he's maybe a seven on the hot scale...an eight if you stand 90 degrees to the left and Uranus is in alignment with Saturn. We've hung out a few times, I've even had him over for tea and a spot of dick. (Look it up you gutter minded freaks) I thought he was interested in me and my vajayjay, though I havent let him hit it because Im a good girl on Thursdays. But he really seemed interested in me and my outlook on microbiology and nuclear physics. This seemed like it was going places. But now Im a bit lost. You see, there is a girl, we will call her Snatch Mouth. SM moonlights at my flower shop, which my great uncle Esther left to me...dont ask...please. SM kinda lives a double life, with some guy who she says she loves and adores, you complete me Jerry Maguire type nonsense. But at night, she comes to my flower shop all decked out as someone else and gives BJ's along with every purchase of a rose. I cant seem to keep them in stock. I have great reason to believe Ms. SM is getting her saggy tulips watered, tilled and hoed by Mr. Not even a ten! So I stopped talking to the guy and now he says Im being a used Tampax, can you set the record straight on this...
yours truly...So Not A Tampax

Okay SNAT, theres a lot to cover here and Im glad I can help. Mind you dear reader, this letter was abbreviated from 37 pages to what you see before you so I know just a tad more then Ive shown but Ill try to keep you in the loop. Lets run down the list shall we...take a walk with me...

Any guy who tries hitting on you, smelling/poking/licking/sticking/glaring/drinking or existing within 50M of your vaggy lips should know that there is a code! Leading me to number two.
*Finishes wiping her ass* Sorry about that, had chili last night,...where was I? Oh right! THE CODE. The code says and I quote - "Thou shalt not try to fucketh with the chicketh if thou art planningeth to fucketh the chickeths help..eth." So sayeth the word of the hoe. Its in the rule books motherfuckers! FOLLOW IT!
If you plan to fuck the help...you fucketh the help outside of the work zone. NEVER fucketh the help on any service that the chick you originally applied to fuck with can see...ever.
Missing details - The SM chick (Snatch Mouth for those dimwits who cant keep up) has a man in her life, one that obviously doesnt know she is giving rim jobs and twisted tacos out free of charge on a daily basis. If you have to create an alterior life to be a hoe, this makes you a bad hoe and you should read up on that shit because we covered it already you fucking high school drop out! And if you dont know what a twisted taco is, you should be ashamed, dont even think of writing me and asking, do I look like your pussy prodding OBGYN?
Missing details - Okay so the guy aint fugly but he aint a dime, he's like a nickel and maybe a penny. A old penny, not the good shiny ones, ya feel me...and the SM, well shes aight. That skinny, hasnt eaten in a week sort of aight. This right here should tell you SNAT, you dun wanna fuck with this guy. He probably had to bribe her or convince her dumb ass that his chop steak looking cock was a cheeseburger.
Genitals that can ever be linked to cheese in anyway are offically off limits...forever!
You can not be mad at the hungry hoe. Okay granted, she's a bad hoe. She is scheming on her man and fluffing every Tom's dick ass and balls BUT I still believe you should take pity. The bitch need to eat. She need a fucking value meal, a rib, a wing, some fucking pringles. A ketchup packet for christs sake!
On a serious note, this goes out to my boys. If you are vibing a girl, she is fine, you wanna hit it seven ways from sunday and lick it and rub it down something nasty with mustard and mayo...more power to you. BUT...if you dont get the response you want, let it be known. The next time you boys find yourself in this predicament, repeat after me..."Yeah so um...I wanna bust in your ear and if you aint hearing me...Imma find a bitch who wanna listen. Ya heard!" Simple.
SNAT, listen here lil mama. This guy has some droopy balls syndrome. He wanted to tea bag you and you didnt lay down fast enough. This is not your fault. If he tries to switch it up on you with some, "it aint me its you" type shit or "aww boo, why you so angry?" because you chose not to talk to him, do me this favor, pick up at that anorexic toothpick bitch and stab that grimey crusty assed bastid in the eye with her qtip head. Take photots.

Triflin Boys who hit on you one minute and try to fuck your friends/ neighbors/ boss/ coworkers/help/relatives...ever...especially within the same Fiscal year, should be dragged on the back of a greyhound, face down, taken to a dirty alley behind a rat infested indian restaurant and have his dick corkscrewed. Im not a violent person, I just follow the rules. I hope this helps just one of you, if not all. Good luck and all that shit...FTN!

Pussified Award

2009-03-25T10:50:00.000-07:00

And so the inspiration keeps on coming...

Good morning class. Todays topic will be bobblehead morons who think playing the victim will somehow get them out of owning up to their bitchassness. The number one rule of FTN is mind your fucking business. Now, dont get me wrong, I comment on all types of shit. But I do it both when someone is gone and when they are right in my face, preferably the latter. Its consistancy. Dont act like a playboy and imply, gesture, whisper or straight out so you would so go there with me if you could...dont doubt me, I saved that shit...and then swear there is no hidden agenda.

Do not pour your haterade my way because I am actually enjoying the company I keep. I wish you could say the same but obviously not if you are willing to go on and on for an hour about nothing while you are suppose to be making breakfast. My dear class...learn from this chickenshit whores mistake...if you dont like something or someone...FTN IT! But saying shit, "joking" or not after someone leaves makes you a pussy and pussies are not allowed. They are banned. Because that is rotten smelly pussy and we no likey the cottage cheese.

If you decide to start a battle by opening your mouth, dont assume everything with a twat will become a damsel to you. Some of us actually have brains and we arent scared. I understand the desperation to use any means to get out of losing this battle. But speaking for a whole group of people, contradicting yourself and just sounding like a tard is not going to help you.

I would like to start a "Save The Bobbleheads" Foundation. It is our duty to help those in need. And the Bobblehead species is one that is only morphing into the ugliest type of bitchassness. This would be the egomaniac bitchassness. Be careful, it is fucking highly contagious.

Here are a few identifying features you can use to figure out if that lame ass is a Bobblehead and how you too can help...

1. Bobbleheads will change to whatever the situation is. If you are mad, they play victim and if you are weak they try to dom you. A nice hearty STFU is always in order at this time.
2. Bobbleheads will try to hit on you even when they have someone, all the while making the list even longer of how many other people they are trying to fuck with. I dont know how this species even gets this sort of attention but I think it may have something to do with pretending like they are someone important.
3. Bobbleheads will play dumb and deny everything thereafter, surely relaying the message of everything you have said while omitting all the nasty shit they have said themselves.
4. Bobbleheads like to touch people without permission and then want kudos for not doing so after you have repeatedly asked them not to. FYI. Molesters dont get kudos for not touching little boys. Its not a triumph, its called not being a douchebag.
5. Bobbleheads will always wait until they have their army/ girlfriends/ boyfriends/ fanclub/ groupies etc etc with them before they will puff up. This makes them feel somehow important because everyone knows if someone sees you being hardcore, its always true.
6. Bobbleheads dont understand what "leave me alone," or "I dont like you," means. Heaven knows they have enough nasty bitches waiting...Walmart Hoes...that they really cant get over the fact you dont like them.
7. Bobbleheads think they are a gift to the world and have no real clue that they dont compare.

My advise is take pity. Or run. Very fast. I hereby nominate Bobbleheads for the PUSSIFIED Award. Come get your dildo trophy and stick it up your saggy twat.

Fake ass pussy motherfuckers who talk a big game but are really just bad ugly man whores who cant back their shit up....FTN!!!!!!!

Class dismissed!

Super or Super Plus?

2009-03-22T15:36:00.000-07:00

*Before I begin, I reserve the right to say whatever the fuck I want and if you dont like it, FTN!*

No one is safe. Not even you. Especially not while you are shopping. Predators are everywhere, we have all met them, in one form or another. They usually start off with a compliment, because flattery seems to work for complete tards. My most recent experience started something like this…

“Greetings” - Is this fucking Star Trek? Sounds like Marvin the Martian, very authoritative.

Ello - This usually means leave me alone because I’m obviously in this store to shop and not talk to you.

“How are you today?” - 99% of the people who ask this question don’t actually give a flying fuck how you are, this is just a sad attempt to be polite and segue into the meat of things.

I’m well. - I don’t want to talk to you and even if my hair was falling out, my pussy was broken and my ass crack needed filling, I still wouldn’t tell you.

“I must compliment you look nice *smiles* - Okay, so I know I’m a fucking dime piece. You don’t have to tell me this. I tell myself twice in the shower, four times every hour and triple that when I’m having sex. Trust me…I KNOW!

I appreciate that, thank you. - This is my nice way of saying the above.

“yw.” Polite people scare me.

“Have you ever thought of becoming a vampire?” - This is where my eyes start to roll.

I am a proud member of Transylvania - This is where you shut the fuck up and let me shop.

“Not into bloodlines huh?” - Did I fucking stutter?

Actually no, Im loyal to my Transylvanian family. - Nuff said.

And so the conversation died with that.
Now, lets examine this situation.
First off, I was shopping and you never ever mess with a kitty bish, any bitch for that matter when she is trying to spend money, it is simply bad for your health. People have lost eyes for less.
Second, did this beefy top heavy motherfucker just ask me if I wanted to become a vampire? Personal belief tells me it is within you, its whether or not you are awakened and aware of its existence. Now how exactly did he plan on making me one? Was he gonna do a little jig, flex those man titties at me? I would just like to point out that your areola is the size of Connecticut. If I wasn’t so distracted by the landscape that which is your nipplage, I may have felt so inclined to slap the shit out of you for asking me some dumb shit.
I’ll play fair. He was curious because it was obvious from the moment he said hi that he was a bloodliner. Now if you are easily offended and havent already bounced, now would be the time, im going into bigger territory...
Are the pussies gone yet? Okay, thank my lucky fucking stars. So, I got to thinking and there is only one annoyance that reminds me so much of the bloodliners. No, im not talking about the itchies, you dirty bastards. I’s a clean bish. Im talking about Jehovahs Witnesses. Yep, the bloodliners are our very own door knocking, bad suit wearing, bicycle riding, huge helmet rocking recruiters. They want to hand out pamphlets and tell you to join their crew because you will then get 70 virgins in heaven…or is that the terrorists…hell if I know. Bottom line is, I don’t want to be apart of their checklist to get that 70 plus daisy train going. Im kinky but 70 is just greedy as fuck. How can you trust that shit? Someone pointed out to me that this could also be compared to mormons, which is fine too. I think they wear magical underwear…which in turn makes a bloodliner…a fucking KOTEX!
We don’t have to agree on what is real and what isn’t, because I know I am right and you are wrong. But one would hope that we agree on this…would anyone with a right mind want to join any group/family that implies they are a god damn KOTEX! Are the higher ups tampons? This is just far too distorted for my amusement. Who the fuck would do that to someone, I kinda feel bad for those losers for just a second. Wait…im over it.
There are only a few things that I cannot and will not separate in my existence from the rest of the real world and that is the truth I find in the space and time shared with a place I call home…Transylvania. Feel free to school me or tell me I need to join some new and improved glampyr hotspot. And I will continue to laugh since all I see are walking panty liners.
PANTY LINERS….FTN!

Keeping Tabs...

2009-03-20T15:47:00.000-07:00

Feel free not to, ever.

We've all experienced it, someone spying on you to "see what you were wearing," the typical hanging out with the same person, same crowd, same group just to see when the last time you were on...

Now, I'm not a stupid bitch. Fiesty, loud and obnoxious, Im all over that shit. But stupid is not my style. Insecurity must really suck and Im sorry that anyone feels the need, pure fucking obligation to join this group, any group for that matter just to see if Im around the same time as that boy you call your man.
There is every reason to be nervous, FTN! dont like ugly bitches so you sure as hell know it wasnt created by one, vain...ya damn right but with shit to back it up. We at FTN!...okay the majority of us...Im not gonna front, we let afew of you slip in...everyone needs a charity...you know who you are BUT THATS NOT THE POINT!
The point is, when I see someone I dont talk to ever who just so happens to be the girlfriend of a guy who tried to mess with me, only to see that girl leave the group once she felt secure because I dont talk to that guy anymore...well well, aint that some shit.
FTN!

Feel free to never cam an FTN! member. Its creepy and the thought of your nasty ass eyeballing while your free hand is...making pottery, yeah I just puked in my mouth a little.
Feel free to shut the fuck up as soon as I say so or even before the need arises. Preferably the latter of the two.
Smiles, giggles (tee-fucking-hee), flattery is really not welcome. If you know you are stalking, tabbing, trailing, investigating, whatever it is you tell yourself to justify why you dont trust your bobble headed boo boo...feel free to save the trouble and be a blunt bitch. "Did you fuck him..." and you will get the most honest reply you have ever heard..."I wouldnt touch him with your mothers dick!"
Always remember, telling your man you left my group and you arent snooping will not help you. See, because he still comes and tells me what you say and in turn I check the fucking roster and tell him yous a liar...cuz...hello captain obvious! I RUN THE FUCKING GROUP!
If your existance is that boring that you need to spend the day waiting to see if I'm around, feel free to hit me up and I'll give you dates, times and coordinates to my next bathroom break.

All in all, members will come...members will go. Hey, I dont hate, you can only be apart of twenty five groups and we all know those strip clubs/escort services and newbie sex spots are all the rave but heres a rule of thumb...if you're gonna cum, do it cuz you enjoy it. If you go, the same applies. Tracking me only boosts my ego and tells me yet another reason why I know Im better than you.

KEEPING TABS? F.T.N

FTN! Welcome...

2009-03-19T16:56:00.000-07:00

It's the guy who chews with his god damn mouth open
The girl who really shouldnt be wearing that tube top in your plain of sight
The shriveled dick loser who swears he's gonna break you
When the phone wont stop ringing while you're trying to sleep
Waiting in line behind the moron who cant seem to remember his/her pin number
The same song gets played over and over on the radio
When the above happens on every station

Guys who fuck hoes but complain cuz its loose
Girls who claim innocence because they only give head
Anytime someone intentionally copies your style...and tells you so
Pity parties/guilt trips from the rejected
People who say "Hi" but really mean "Who are you with...what are you doing?"
Social Climbers
Uglies
Stupids
Unoriginal people who spew bitchassness when you call them out

It's the DJ who says "Um" eighteen million times
The stripper who replies, "mmmmm"
The diva who refuses to crack a smile
It's that one person who will always try to convince you they know you better then you know yourself
The cookie cutter factory that continues to pump out the same lame shit

It's anything and everything that blocks creativity
Laughter
Excitement
It's an empty canvas
It's an empty page
It's a closed mind

...It's Noise...

FTN!

This is going to be the start of a very fucked up relationship...you ready?